Why do we do this to ourselves?! Why do we feel the need to put others down or insult their choices? The answer is...to make ourselves feel better. But if we all just made the best decisions for us and kept that in mind when judging others, we would all have higher self-esteem and would be happier in our lives.
The most recent Times Magazine cover is insulting to parenting on so many levels it's a crime! Don't get me wrong, I nursed my son exclusively for 15 months. It was hard work, but it was important to me and I was blessed enough to have it work out. But that doesn't make me more of a mom. It makes me a happier mom because it was a personal goal, but it in no way makes me better than someone who couldn't or just didn't choose to nurse.
Being a parent is 100% about doing what is best for YOU and YOUR family, not doing what is "best", because honestly, there is no such thing. Every child is different, every parent is different, every situation is different, reactions-different, etc. As a parent, the most important choices you make are personal and individual. This is why it drives me crazy when social media, people you know or people you don't, magazines, tv shows, etc. paint a cookie-cutter picture.
No I don't look like you, that doesn't make me ugly. I don't parent like you, that doesn't mean that you are better mom than me. I'm not as skinny as a model on a run way, that doesn't make me unhealthy. I'm not talkative, that doesn't mean I'm not as smart as you. The list goes on and on. We are bombarded with images of what is "best" from the moment we are born. Until people learn that there is no such thing, we are going to continue to deal with a society of name-callers and insecurities.
Why can't we stand up for other mommies instead of put them down? You don't have to agree on parenting choices to be kind and understanding. We make choices based on things that no one else knows or understands. It's important to keep that in mind when you are about to put someone down for the choices that they make.
Are you "mom enough" to be excepting of the choices that others make without criticism and judgement?
Amen girlfriend! I hopped over to your blog from Scary Mommy's blog...I saw your comment and wanted to see what you had to say on the matter. Again, I found myself cheering for a blog post here! It is SUCH A SHAME that women tear each other apart over a couple of issues that actually amount to just a small part of what it means to be a mother. There is so much that goes into a mother-child relationship that we no one else gets to see...it's incredibly unfair to judge another mom simply based on a couple of noticeable choices. In fact, it's pretty unfair to judge another mom in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of the trouble stems from the fact that women imply that others are taking the "easy way out" when they bottle feed or work outside the home. But the truth is that there is no "easy way out." EVERY way is difficult...there are sacrifices and hardships attached to every decision. We need to stop criticizing others by assuming they are making their decisions because they are selfish, lazy, or indifferent, and realize that we are all doing the best we can...and we should support each other to continue to follow our hearts and do what's best for our families.
Thanks for being another voice of reason on the topic! I'm following you now!
Smiles, Jenn @Misadventures in Motherhood
Oh, Jenn! Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you that people seem to think the "easy way out" thoughts. It's so easy to say that about someone else, but without knowing everything that they know, you can't possibly know how/why they came to that decision. Nor should it be up to one mother to judge another. We are all doing the best we can with what we've got. A little understanding would go a long way!
ReplyDeleteOh, and thanks for the follow!!