Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Big Boy Bed Tips: Times Two

Since the day baby boy #2 moved into the same bedroom as his big brother, my husband and I have dreaded the future move to big boy bed. The dread was there for several reasons. 1. My little Teddy Bear is a busy, noisy guy. 2. He has to fall asleep alone. 3. He takes FOREVER to fall asleep. Before last night, our bedtime routine consisted of both boys getting jammies on and brushing teeth together, then Teddy Bear and I would huff it up stairs to read books, rock, sing, and snuggle one on one, while Mr. Skinks and daddy picked either read a book or a show to watch together. Once the above mentioned steps were complete, I would put Teddy in his crib and join the other two downstairs.

While finishing up the show with my bigger boys, I would listen to the little one talking to himself through the monitor. When the show/book pile was complete, Liam and Joe would head upstairs, Liam would lay down, and Nolan would jabber on for who-knows how long. Usually, Liam would fall asleep quickly and eventually Nolan would too. See my problem?

How would I deal with a boy who has never liked help to sleep, is busy, knows how to open doors, likes to talk, and takes a very, very long time to go to sleep? We needed a game plan, because we were sure that this transition would not be as easy as it was with his big brother. However, since we were so successful the first time around, we decided to use several of the same tips, as discussed in the post Big Boy Bed Tips.

We did have to adjust several of the tips to fit the new situation, but they still seemed to come in pretty handy. Here is how we modified them this time around:

*Talk about the move before doing it: We did this, however on a much shorter timeline than with Liam. Since Nolan learned how to climb out of his bed, seemingly in one day, we had to rush this a bit. We did talk about it the whole day of the move though, especially at nap time (which was his last sleep in the crib).

*Let them pick out new bedding: We had just purchased new bedding a couple of weeks ago, so we didn't do this specifically for boy #2, but he did pick out his new sheets when we got them and we transferred his usual bedding to the new bed.

*Have them help with the assembly process: Again, we had to make some changes as Nolan moved into Liam's toddler bed, and Nolan's crib was converted into a daybed for Liam to sleep in. We did have both boys help with the deconstruction of the crib though. They loved helping daddy!

*Keep the crib in plain sight: As the crib has become Liam's new bed, this was an easy tip to fulfill. It's still right where it has always been.

*Don't go back: So far, so good! We learned the first time around, that you should not go back from making the switch. It makes it difficult for the little one to get comfy in their new surroundings and just prolongs the transitional period. This is a tip we will follow this time too.

*Be consistent: This pertains to how you redirect. Before making the switch, my husband and I sat down to discuss how we would get him back to his bed, if he tried to get up. Being on the same page, and having the same reaction to the situation is pretty helpful. We agreed on a course of action and are consistently dealing with it the same way, every time.

*Thing ahead: We had to do this even more so, than we did with Liam. Nolan is adventurous by nature and has no fear. This made preparing the room for more freedom a bit more complicated. When Liam moved to the big boy bed, we made sure distractions were minimal, but mainly focused on making sure that the room would be safe for him to wander alone. Knowing that Nolan would probably take his new-found independence to a new level, we practically cleaned out the room. The only things remaining were the beds and a dresser that has been bolted to the wall.

*Follow the same routine: We did this as best we could, but we did make a couple of tweaks. We still put on pjs and brushed teeth together, but now Nolan and I read books while he lays in bed, then I gently rock him in bed (more on this below) until Joe and Liam come up or he falls asleep, which ever comes first.

*Be positive: We did our best to make the switch fun and exciting for both boys. It was especially helpful to have big brother on board. As I would assume with most siblings, Nolan looks up to his big brother more than anyone else, so if Liam is excited for the change, so is Nolan.

Now for my additions:

*Help them as little as possible: This looks different for different children. For example, with my oldest, we literally put him to bed and walked out of the room. This worked well with him and he learned to put himself to sleep. However for my youngest, this won't do. If left to his own devices, he will be up until the wee-hours. Instead, I have tired a couple of strategies, listed below. The point of this tip is that you should be doing as little as possible. The sooner they put themselves to bed, the better.

      -Rocking in bed: If you have a little mover on your hands too, gently rocking them while they lay in bed is especially helpful. Put one hand on the small of their back, then slowly rock them back and forth. The pressure from your hand will give them comfort as they fall asleep, while the rocking motion helps to reduce distractions as it makes it difficult for them to focus on other things. I also realized that not giving them eye contact during this time, speeds up the process. You want them to essentially, forget that you are there so they can drift off to sleep. Once they close their eyes, slowly stop rocking. If they don't open their eyes, slowly reduce the pressure on their back, until you are able to get up and leave the room.

     -Play dead: For some kids, just having you in their room will help them to stay in bed and relax enough to sleep. Lay by the bed (not in it) and pretend to be asleep. If you need to redirect, do it non-verbally. Cause as little distraction as possible.

           *More consistency: Above I discussed being consistant with redirects. You also need to be consistent with how you help your child get to sleep. Obviously, if something is not working, you will need to try something else. However, don't do this too often and try not to make changes while in the midst of helping. Changing your plan, while it's in motion, can make it difficult for the child to know what your expectations are. It's also a welcomed distraction from the goal- sleep.

*Switch the beds, but bring the mattress: Liam and Nolan switched beds so that they each got the "I'm growing up" feeling, however Nolan took his mattress to the toddler bed and Liam took his to the daybed (converted crib). This is important as mattresses shape themselves to the person laying on them and with all of the changes your kiddos are going through, you want them to feel as comfortable as possible.

*Reduce distractions: This may seem like a no-brainier, but things that would usually not bother your kids in a normal scenario, may be just the distraction they need to stay awake when trying out a new bed. Because of the all the new things associated with this transition, a child's senses are heightened, so the slightly wet diaper, the not-quite full tummy, the music that is a smidgen too loud, or the neighborhood boy playing basketball in the street can be all it takes to ruin a perfectly good rest.

*Enlist the help of the older sibling: As I stated earlier, when big brother/sister is excited, so is the little one. This philosophy will also work when it comes to "monkey see, monkey do". If the older sibling lays down quietly right away, it is more likely that the little one will as well. Ask the big boy/girl to be your helper and praise them for doing well. Make sure that any expectations you have of them are doable and clear before sending them into the lion's den.

*Remember this is a transition for both siblings: Be patient and clear with both children. Also, make it a happy experience for both. Don't let the older sibling feel as though it is all about the younger one. They need to feel appreciated and responsible for their actions as well.

After about 30 minutes of back rubs and snuggles, I left my boys to fend for themselves and here is what I found 10 minutes later. Here's hoping for a repeat this evening!

As with my first set of big bed transition tips, take what you can use and ignore the rest. YOU know your child better than anyone. If something doesn't sound like it will work for you/them, use your best judgement. The move from crib to big boy/girl bed can be stressful and frustrating for everyone involved. No need to add to it.

I will update this post to let you know how things are going in the next week or so. I will also add new ideas, if any come to mind. Please share your experiences with these tips and any ideas you have. I hope there is a great deal of rest in your future!

Good luck!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

I Avoid Media: 5 Reasons Why

Media is the route of all evils. Since banning it from our home in November, my perspective on what is out there has changed. We all get desensitized when we are on media-overload. You don't know just how much, until you take a break and "re-sensitize" yourself. Last night we lost a remote. The one that controls Netflix, our DVD player, and Pandora. My husband and I were stuck watching network TV. I was busy with school work and soon my husband was snoring on the couch, yet the TV was still alight.

It wasn't until I closed my computer, done with work, that I realized what was on. It was a "news" program where they focus on one or two "important" news stories, going through every detail. This particular episode focused on a death that occurred during the making of a movie. It was NOT news. It was NOT entertainment. It was horrible.

Watching less than an hour of TV last night, reminded me just why banning it was so important. Avoiding something makes you see it for what it truly is, and media today is garbage. Here is a short list of reasons why our media is ruining us:

1. Death is Not Entertainment: I will admit, before having kids, I loved CSI, Forensic Files, and Criminal Minds-type shows. Since having children, I realize just how messed up that is. Even "news" programs such as Dateline and 20/20 focus on every horrific detail of someone's worst moments. I don't need to see a frame-by-frame from the speeding train's perspective as it hits and kills someone. Why is it interesting to watch stories about people being killed and worse?

2. Culture is Dying: There was a time when people played music, told lesson-teaching stories, played wholesome board games, and were active to entertain themselves. Now, we rely on a screen that plays out our worst fears. No wonder we have all become so cynical.

3. Pitting Us Against One Another: Just about every piece of media imaginable pits people against one another. When every story is written in a "us against them" scenario it only creates hostility, when there shouldn't be any. The media creates fights, arguments, scandal. Stupid.

4. Narcissism: Every article, news program, TV show has a message board. Everyone's opinion is asked and shared. Why does your opinion matter. You know nothing about what happened, other than what the media has chosen to tell you. Why does this make you an expert? Why does that give you the right to share or even have an opinion? I don't care what Eva Mendez said about yoga pants. I have far more important things to worry about. Yet one quote, taken out of millions of words that have come out of her mouth, can generate blogs, "news" articles, opinions, and hours wasted. The media is making us think that our opinion matters far more than it should. It's making us think we all have the right to comment on the lives, words, and beliefs of others. It is creating narcissists.

5. Nothing of Value is Valued: When someone does something amazing and uplifting, if it even makes it to the news, it gets a blurb. Nothing more. Yet Kanye West and his wife create headlines that last for days. I don't want to see your butt, Kim. I don't want to hear your rants, Kanye. It's not just that the media is portraying unrealistic standards as the norm and the goal, but the standard that the goal embodies has nothing to do with someone's true value. It has to do with how much controversy they can cause. Drama does not equal value, success, kindness.

I am not a conspiracy theorist and I'm not saying we don't have screen time on occasion. We do. We just make conscience choices. I'm aware that I participate in Facebook, write a blog, and read articles now and then. There really is no complete escape from media's grasp. I am simply thinking critically about what is obviously being done. My time away from media has given me an objectivity and clearer picture of the facts.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I Hate Cancer

Up until a year ago, I felt very disconnected from cancer, what people who have cancer, and those who love them, go through. Although, like most, I have some personal experience with the disease, but nothing quite "hit home". My Gramps died of melanoma, but he had also just lost my Grams and he felt "ready" and "gave up" on life. Although he passed from cancer, we have always associated it with a broken heart rather than a horrible disease. When my dad was a child, he had leukemia, but he beat it and it has never returned. I have also had many years of being asked if I have cancer, due to my hairless head. But I have never really known someone when they were battling such a relentless, heartbreaking sickness.

This all changed last year, when one of Nolan's pediatricians passed from breast cancer. I knew all about her battle as she confided in me the day we met, as most people in her position do (I assume my baldness helps them to feel an instant connection). However, when I last spoke with her, just 3 months before her death, she was in remission, feeling well, and in positive spirits. It wasn't until her passing was announced at the doctor's office, that I even knew the cancer was back. So fast.

About the same time that we learned of her passing, Joe came home with horrible news. His friend and co-worker was diagnosed with leukemia. In the last year, he has gone through cancer, chemo, and remission, several times. Each time resulting in incredibly optimistic highs followed by crushing, heart-wrenching lows. In the past week or two, he went from finding a partial bone marrow match in a family member, to being told that he is not healthy enough for a transplant. The cancer has taken over his body. There is nothing left that can be done, but hope for a miracle.

Just as the school year began, I learned that one of my past students (a family I know well, as I have had three of their children- so far) was also battling this horrible disease. She too has gone through chemo, a bone marrow transplant, and is now getting stronger and stronger each day. I am so happy for the path that she has found herself on. I am thankful for the friends and family that surround her, for the doctors who have kept her strong, for the donor who shared his healthy bone marrow, for her strength, and for the long, healthy life that is stretching out in front of her.

Throughout this past year, my thoughts on cancer have changed. Now, being asked if I have it is not annoying. I know those who ask are either looking for a connection or they are offering support. Either way, they are good people. Good people whose lives should not be darkened by cancer's awful shadow.

I hate cancer.

I hate that the bravest, strongest, best people on this planet leave us too soon. I hate that family and friends have to suffer as they watch their loved one suffer. I hate that no matter what we do, no matter what medicines we try, no matter how much love we share, or support we offer, sometimes cancer still wins. I hate feeling powerless, helpless, and heartbroken. Waiting to hear news we have always had hope would never come.

I am not religious. However, several times over the past few days, I have prayed for a miracle and I will continue to do so. For all of these people. For all who cancer touches. For everyone.

I hate cancer.