Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Frustrations with Lactations

Before I had my son, I made a lot of assumptions about who I would be and how I would feel. So far, they were all wrong. I thought that I would be ready to go back to work by September, didn't happen. I thought that I would be calm and relaxed and not worry about every little thing, didn't happen. I thought that I would be ready to put him in his own room at night, definately did not happen. But the biggest assumption that I made was that nursing would be easy and come naturally. Although this happened at the beginning of Liam's life and was even going well for the first two months that I was back to work, it has now become more difficult than I ever thought.
Apparently your body can just decide- no more milk for a machine. This is complicating my life considerably. I feel so proud that I alone have been able to feed my son for this long. It has become extremely important to me to continue nursing at least for the first year. There are many reasons why this would be benefitial. It is better for Liam, it's much cheaper than formula, and it has become an incredible bonding experience, but there is also the feelings of regret, frustration and guilt that have begun to creep in at the thought of not continuing. The stress of not being able to keep up with the demand has always been there, but now my body has thrown another wrench in the works. I will continue to work towards my goal and do everything possible to keep it going. The best way that I can think of help the situation is to relax and take a quiet bubble bath, lets hope it helps!

Monday, October 25, 2010

Life as of today

My life is about as abnormal as it gets. It all began when I was 5 and has continued to keep me on my toes ever since. When I was five my hair began to fall out. Terrified, my mom took me to the doctor and was told that I had alopecia (a form of hair loss). This is just one of the many abnormalities that I have been plagued with. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't terrible. In fact, I think that I have a pretty wonderful life. But there are days when my differences make life difficult. Today is one of those days!
I lost all of my hair for the 1st time when I was 5. It grew back in time for middle school (yippy!) only to fall out again at the end of my junior year of high school. Once again, I got used to it. Then it grew back, this time, just in time for my wedding to my wonderful husband, Joe. Then about two months after the wedding, back to hair in the drain and on my pillow. This was the last straw! I shaved my head and have been bald ever since.
Just as with every other time this had happened, the first few months was difficult, but soon I came to be thankful. I still am. I am happy with myself, my husband loves me just the way that I am, my son doesn't think of me as his bald mommy, just his mommy, my students (I teach 6th grade) don't care one bit, in fact they like to joke with me about it, and it takes me a fraction of the time that it takes the average women to get ready. All joking aside, I am completely comfortable with me. I just wish others would be.
The comments and unsolicited "prayers" are sweet and I know that these people just want to help, but they don't. I don't need you thoughts and prayers. I am healthy and have a fantastic life. Please send those thoughts to those who really need it. I know that this sounds horrible and I don't mean it to, but just imagine getting yourself to a cheerful, thankful place just to have others make you feel like you should be sad. I appreciate the thought, but I would rather be treated like a normal, everyday person. Because that is what I am! Hair does not make you normal, but apparently it can make abnormal.