Sunday, January 30, 2011

Separation Anxiety for all!

This past week has been difficult for both Liam and I. Earlier this week, I dropped Liam off at daycare just like any day. Everything went as usual until I started to leave. That is when Liam decided to cry as I left. He has never done this before and it broke my heart to go. I spent a good ten minutes trying to decide whether or not I should just call in to work and stay home with him. But after working with young kids for so long, I know that this would only make matters worse later on. So I went to work feeling like crap and worrying about how long it would take him to calm down. (I found out later that he was back to normal in seconds)
This happened again the next day as well. It was almost worse the second time, because I was dreading it all morning. Luckly, he was fine by the next morning, but we will see what happens this week!

As if his separation anxiety wasn't enough, last night we tried to have Liam sleep in his crib in his own room. It took about an hour longer than usual to get him to calm down and go to sleep. Sitting down stairs listening to him cry on the monitor was torture! About ten minutes into it, we got him up and he nursed and we tried again. He was quiet for about 15 minutes and then was unhappy again. So my husband went up to calm him down and ended up staying with him for about a half an hour until he was asleep. I spent the entire evening listening to the monitor like a crazy person.

When Joe and I finally went to bed ourselves, I stopped in to check on Liam. He was fast asleep and looked so peaceful that I thought that it would be no problem to go to sleep. But we moved the monitor into the bedroom with us and I continued to listen for over an hour. At that point, Liam woke up for his first feeding. He ate and went back to sleep like usual, but again I laid awake. I finally fell asleep and everything went as usual. He woke up twice more to eat, but had no problem going back to sleep and neither did I. I hope that this situation isn't the same as at the daycare, where day two is worse than the first.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

A New Outlook on Life

Warning! The following is corny! Read at your own risk.

Let me start by saying that my life is not going to change because of a movie, however my outlook on it might. I spent that last two and half hours watching a wonderful movie called "Julie and Julia" which I am sure many of you recognize. I enjoyed this movie for many reasons: one- it was entertaining and funny, two- I learned a great deal about Julia Child, and three- I realized a lot about myself and what I want out of life. For those of you who did not read my last blog, I lost a very important person recently- my grandmother. She had a fasinating life which was filled with toughness and love, but at her funeral yesterday none of that was discussed. The person who was in charge of talking about my grandmother didn't know her at all (as most don't) and instead of talking about her wonderful life, he used the occassion as a chance to talk about his work in Africa and his beliefs in hell. Wonderful, I know. But this is another story. The point of mentioning this is, that it made me think of how short life is and about how important it is to make it worth living.
Then to my suprise, there was this engaging movie on tv this morning that not only reminded me of the feelings I had yesterday, but also inspired me to do something about it. I know that we have all heard and probably said this before, but my life is going to change. I don't expect this change to happen today, but instead, slowly and with great focus and thoughtfulness. The movie as well as my grandma have inspired me to do many things, including, but not limited to: cooking, blogging, traveling, being a better person without judgement and cynicism, to be a better mom, teacher, wife and friend, to continue to be healthier and exercise, etc.
Everyone says these things, I know. What is different about this for me is that I don't expect it to happen overnight and I know that I will make mistakes along the way. But if I plan to take it one day at a time and focus on what is really important, I know that I can do it. I plan to look at everyday (yes, even weekdays) as an opportunity to be better- to live life. I think that my New Year's resolution has just clicked a couple of weeks late this year. The weird thing about it though, is that it is not just a resolution for this year, but for the rest of my life. It is a resolution that can not be measured in push ups, number of friends, days, or dollar signs, but in my feelings and my experiences.
Yay for me! I have finally figured it out. Not all of it-if I had what would I do with the rest of my life? But I have had an epiphany. Everything seems to have clicked and I now have a focus. Or more accurately-many. Wish me luck!

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Months and Pounds

Since becoming pregnant, my body has changed drastically, many times. First I gained massive amounts of weight in a very short amount of time (which obviously is normal when you are pregnant). Within weeks after Liam was born, I dropped about 20 of the 50lbs that I gained. It then took quite a while for the next 20lbs to be shed. The past couple of months have been spent trying to loose the last 10lbs. There have been a lot of ups and a few downs, but I am almost there! I told myself when I got pregnant, that it would take me nine months to gain the baby weight and I would give myself nine months to loose it. Liam will be nine months next Sunday.
Being a new mom who works makes it very difficult to loose the baby weight. I have been trying to eat better and I know that nursing has helped- A LOT! But when it comes to finding time and energy to work out, it is out of the question. Because I already get up at 4:45 am, there is no way I am going to get up earlier to work out. After work is also not happening. I get home from work about 4pm and Liam goes to bed about 8pm. This is the only time I get to see him throughout the day and I don't want to miss any of that time to go to the gym or go running. Not to mention the guilt I feel even thinking about it. And then there is after Liam goes to sleep. He goes to bed about an hour before I do and by that time, I am so exhausted that I can hardley manage to get off the couch.
Looking back on all of this, I am so shocked that I have made it this far toward my goal of getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight in 9 months. For those of you who haven't had a kids yet, I know that 9 months sounds like a lifetime and as though this should be no problem at all. But you are mistaken! It is very hard. The first couple months is easy because what you loose is a mixture of the weight of the actual baby, the fluid needed to keep baby healthy and the water/bloating that pregnancy adds to your body. But after that, it is all you.
I also never thought too much about how having a baby will actually "change" my body. Even though I am extremely close to my pre-pregnancy weight, I do not see my old body in there anywhere. In some ways, I love my new body, but there are a couple of new developments that I wish I could erase. I am hoping that with a little exersice (when I have more "me" time) I will be able to tone up a little and begin to see a body that I recognize a bit more. Oh the changes that a baby brings! They are never ending!!