Wide Awake

Well, I told you that I wouldn't have time for a post this morning, but guess what? I'm wide awake at 5 am......again. This time, not because of jet lag. This time I am wide awake because of massive butterflies and excitement, and worry. I am so nervous about how our daughter will see us and respond to us. We have loved her wholeheartedly for fourteen and a half months. We have watched her grow and change into the adorable toddler that she is. We have read every word of every report a thousand times, trying to learn all we can about someone we have never met.

Today, all of that changes. We will get our first glimpse at who she really is. Not what they can convey through translation and on paper, but who our daughter IS- what makes her happy, what makes her sad, what she likes to eat, what she doesn't, how she reacts to specific situations, how she shows love. All answers we hope to begin seeing today.

As nervous as I am for Maylee, I am just as nervous for our boys. They too have loved their sister for fourteen and a half months. Joe and I have done the reading and been to the trainings, we understand what her reactions to us may look like. The boys may not. We have tried to prepare them, discussing how strange it would be for them and how scary it may be for her, but they are seven and five (tomorrow!) and although empathy tends to be a quality that they both have, this is beyond the usual situation.

I am worried that they may feel rejected and frustrated. That their poor hearts won't be able to understand hers. I am worried that if their connections are not made while we are here, our transition once Maylee comes home will be so much harder. I know that I am putting a lot of pressure on the situation and our three children, and I can't help but worry. I'm a mom, it's my job.....right?

We are as ready as we will ever be. Our treats and gifts and pictures are packed and ready to go, our outfits are folded and ready to be worn, our documents are piled together in a big envelope, the cab will be here at 8 am (two hours before our meeting) and our hearts and arms are ready for Maylee. I just hope with all my mommy-might that she is ready for us as well.