Making Steps

Yesterday was the best day we've had in Korea, so far!

We woke up, me early, but the boys were able to sleep in a bit. We went up to breakfast, then got ready for our second meeting with Maylee. I was bit nervous, because I have heard from several families who have been her, in this place in the adoption process, who have said that meeting #2 was harder than the first. That their children realized something was happening and fought against it and them. When we got to our meeting place, Maylee wasn't there yet, but her little sister and foster dad were. This too made us a tad worried. Where were they?

A few minutes later she and her foster mom stepped off the elevator. She smiled and waved at us right away, but then cowered and snuggled FM when we all reciprocated. We followed them into the same playgroup room as Maylee's FD and sister. We started by giving her a bag we had gotten her a Lotte World. Her FM had told us in our previous meeting that she loves to fill bags with toys and carry them around. At first she wanted nothing to do with it, but then picked it up and put the toy phone she brought with her into it and carried it away.

I followed her to a shelf filled with toys and tried my best to interact with her while she picked them out. All the while, the boys had found a giant MegaBrick fort and were playing quietly. They would come over periodically to check in and attempt play, but Maylee is very independent and tends to shrug them off. Although this kept happening, both boys were so understanding and patient.

Just a few minutes into our meeting, a member of Holt staff came in to tell us that Maylee was diagnosed with the flu and that we need to try to keep the boys away from her, so they don't get sick. Then she told us that they didn't want Maylee to get anyone else sick, so we would need to go back to the Holt building, so we could visit alone. We walked the couple blocks back, with Maylee's coat's bunny ears flopping adorably as she walked.

Once in the new room, everything calmed down quickly. With no distractions, just us, Maylee warmed up immediately. She began interacting with us as though she has known us forever (not like parents of course, but people she is comfortable with). She walked up to Joe, handed him a water bottle, and called him "appa"! This is huge! She recognized him, said it out loud, and initiated contact with him. They then began blowing bubbles together, which was the most adorable thing.

While Joe and Maylee were playing, I was chatting with FM through a Holt staff member who was translating for us. We learned that Maylee is a huge eater, is very smart, is independent, sleeps well, is very organized, and does not like to share. FM also said that Maylee had talked about us non-stop after our last meeting. Repeating "eomma, appa, oppa" over and over again. We saw a lot of these traits in out meetings. She LOVES snacks, picked up on games very quickly, but wanted to do things- even hard things, herself. She also always knew where the snacks, blocks, and bubbles were.

After a bit. I moved closer and Maylee gestured that I should hold the bubble bottle for her. We played with bubbles for quite a while, her trusting me, yet not. She squealed any time I held the bottle too long, or she felt as though I would take them away- like when the wand got close to her lips and I tried to help her bring it out a bit. That girls tasted a lot of bubble solution.

She then moved back to snack and then stacking blocks. She let Joe pick her up, so she could reach the top. Another huge step! After being a successful block-stacker, she headed back to the toy bin, where she tripped. She got stuck on her back, as only toddlers do and reached for me to help her up. She REACHED for me! She did this once in our first meeting too, but that seemed to be more out of need. I was the only one near her then. This time, foster mom was sitting next to me.


Soon our playtime was over. Our little girl had made such big strides in bonding with us. We know that we will have a very long way to go, but with having two very good meetings and making such big progress already, we are feeling so much more confident in our ability to support her during her grief and the transitions that lay ahead of all of us.

There were still no hugs and picking her up was totally on her terms only, but we feel so relieved at both of these things. We are actually so thankful that she is showing concern and not jumping right into comfort. These are signs that she would attach with anyone or no one at all. The fact that it is happening slowly is actually great. It means that she can make healthy attachments, which always take time.

After out meeting, we met with another member of Holt staff to discuss court. She told us what we will need to bring, wear, and prepared us for some questions which may come up. Nothing was a surprise to us, as we have read everything we can about this topic and asked questions of friends who have walked this path before us.

There was so much more to yesterday and I will write another post later today about or wonderful lunch with our friends and our visit to Namdaemun Market, but for now I feel the need to close my computer, review my answers for the questions that could be asked in court, and to just be.

Shockingly, I slept until 5:30 this morning, and with this post on my mind, the thoughts and nervousness of court has just hit. Yesterday was the best day ever, today I'm a nervous wreck. Wish us luck!