Today has been a tough day for me. Joe and I spent our morning walk talking about our limited rental prospects. With thirteen (now twelve) days until our closing date, I'm feeling the pressure to find an acceptable place for our boys to live, within our budget, and with a couple basic needs met. Although we have been looking for a rental for weeks, we have been holding off on signing anything until our home sale was as sure as can be. Now that we're ready to go, the rental pool has dried up. We're still searching. With the stress of finding a new, yet temporary, home for our family, my afternoon was filled with frantic and frequent craigslist checks.
I decided to try to take my mind off of our possible homelessness, and decided to to tackle the boxes, and boxes, of packing that we still have to do. When I began, I was fine. It was a good distraction, and everything was going well. Then I started packing the pictures on our walls. Smiles from family and friends, baby and wedding pictures that have hung within view, making our house, our home. A tear or two may have fallen as this point in the process. However, the river began to flow when I walked into Liam's room to pack round two or three. Bad idea!
An emotionally exhausted and fragile mommy, should never assume that they are able to pack up her first baby's first bedroom. I tried to make the situation easier, by adding a glass of wine to the mix. Also, a horrible idea. Now, I'm curled up on the couch with, yet another glass of wine, my eyes are red and puffy, and a Bones marathon is the only thing keeping me from laying in the fetal position while sobbing uncontrollably.
Selling our house, renting/saving money for a bit, then buying our forever home is the best thing for our family. I have never once doubted that. But there are feeling and stressors involved that I never imagined would be so strong. I will miss this house (especially while we are renting). I will miss the dinosaurs, that two wonderful friends and I, painted on Liam's bedroom walls. I will miss the fireplace where Joe and I cuddled, just days after moving in, when the power went out. I will miss our kitchen with so many wonderful memories of cooking, baking, and eating with friends and family. I will miss our backyard, where Liam first felt grass (and was terrified). I will even miss the vent in our dinning room, where poor Mr. Frog met his end.
I will miss so much about this house, but I have to believe we will be just as happy, and make just as many memories (hopefully, even more) in our next home.