Before going back to work I was so worried about how my boys would do heading back to childcare. Liam has been spending his time with my mom for the past year, and Nolan has never been left with anyone but my mom (and only a couple of times). I was a little concerned about how attached Nolan is. There are days that he doesn't even like Joe holding him. He's a very different animal than Liam, who could care less if I were near or who was packing him around. Compounding the uncertainty of how my boys would adjust, with my stress about going back to work, having somewhere to be, and a time to be there, made me more than a little anxious about returning.
As for me, I was ready! I love my boys more than anything, but this mommy is not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I am far more stressed when home all day, rather than spending some of my time at work. In a previous post, I discussed how much I admire full time working mommies for holding down the fort on both fronts. Now I feel the same admiration toward stay at home parents. I could NEVER do this full time! Apparently, I have far more patience for 90 preteens that are not mine, than the two monsters (I say this in the most lovingly way) that roam my home.
As Monday approached, my fear of the unknown grew and grew. When Monday came, and it was time to walk away from my boys, Liam said, "Bye Mom!", gave me a hug and kiss, and was off on an adventure with his pals. Nolan smiled at me when I gave him a goodbye kiss, and then refocused on his fist (a new discovery). When I turned my back to walk away, I braced myself for screams and tears, but none came.
When I got to work, I quickly checked my e-mail, to see if my daycare provider was sending out an SOS. Nothing.
An hour later, after my first class, there it was. The e-mail I was waiting for. However, this was great news! Nolan had taken a bottle- no problem and was napping, and Liam was running a muck, apparently already feeling right at home. An hour later, I was feeling so happy to be back to my students, co-workers, and my classroom. Yet another e-mail, more good news. Nolan had woken up happy, and Liam was cracking everyone up with his silliness.
By the end of the day, I felt 100% back to the "grind", in a wonderful way. Boy, had I missed this! It took me less than four hours to realize that we would all be fine, that me going back to work was what was best for everyone, and that this mommy needs to continue to teach. I'm so glad that things worked out this way. I was worried that I would feel guilty for wanting to go back to work, which would be far worse if my 3 month old screamed the whole day. Fortunately for me, this did not, and has not happened. Nolan and Liam have adjusted quickly and happily into our new schedule, and I am one happy mommy again!