Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Running Guilt

When I first started running, I was doing it to get a break from my hours of mommy time. Since going back to work (and even a little before), finding guilt-free running time has been like searching for the one specific Iron Man toy in the super hero aisle at Target......almost impossible.

Liam running his first 1K
Now that I'm back to work, my time with my boys seems far less stressful, but also a lot more precious. I already miss them so much when at work-even though I enjoy my work time more than I ever thought someone could enjoy a "job". As if going back to work wasn't enough to cut my running time down, my cubs and I have been passing around new, debilitating germs, that keep hanging on. What began as sniffles, turned into our first household ear infection, which was exhausting to deal with, and our sleep patterns have yet to return to normal.

Yesterday, we got Nolan on medication for his ear infection as well as his Eczema. He was happy-go-lucky all day....until I put on my running shoes, that is. Then the meltdown occurred and once again, I was rocking and cuddling an inconsolable infant. As I sat, bouncing my Teddy Bear up and down, shushing him, I started to feel guilty all over again. This time it was due to my goals and commitments to running. I have been slacking.

Although I made it through a 10K on Sunday, I somehow feel as though I didn't earn the right to finish it. I haven't been able to run consistently for almost a month, and I feel horrible about it. I committed to running 50 miles by mid-June and 100 by the end. Will I meet that goal? Probably not....and that feeling sucks. I'm proud to call myself a runner, I enjoy my time spent pounding the pavement, but how in the world do working moms do it?

I'm hoping I return to my previous running schedule when school gets out in two weeks, but by then some of my goals will be past due, and I'm worried I will have a lot of ground to make up. I want to run without feeling guilty about leaving my boys, I want there to be a "good" time to leave them, I want to meet my running goals, I want to have "me" time, I don't want to feel guilty for missing out on a workout, or two, or thirty.


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