This past week, my husband, my son, our doggy Maizy, and I went on our first family vacation. We visited Union Creek Resort in Union Creek, Oregon. Joe and I have been looking forward to our quiet vacation since we booked it a month ago. The trip started out a little iffy and ended with a longing for more time. We chose this specific vacation spot due to it's remote and peaceful location, but we soon realized how remote and peaceful it would be. The drive to Union Creek took about 5 hours and with an 11 month old and a very active dog, this was a challenge all it's own. When we finally arrived, we were so happy to be out of the car, stretching our legs, and getting settled.
We unpacked and took a little walk around the resort which includes a resturant, lodge, gift shop, creek, and a small group of cabins (which is where we resided for the duration of our vacation). After this, we went to Becky's resturant for something to eat. By the time we went back to the cabin, it was only 5:30 and I began to worry about the boredom that was looking inevitable. Another reason why we picked Union Creek, was that there is no distractions of any kind. No TV, no cell service, and only a few other occupants at the resort. It took some time, but we grew to love the quiet, laid-back feel. We spent hours, hanging around our one room cabin.
As I said before, the first day was an interesting one. Between the initial shock of nothing obvious to do and the unexpected guest and late-night trip that would come that night, we had no idea what we were in for. The evening was long and when Liam finally went to sleep Joe and I played card games for a while, but Joe soon took advantage of the silence and went to sleep. I on the other hand, found it too quiet and layed in bed for a while trying to sleep. About 10 pm, I heard what sounded like someone trying to open the window in the bathroom. I thought that I was just hearing things and laid there listening. Then the sound moved to the roof and a scratching sound began as well.
Finally, I woke up Joe and we laid listening while my utter fear continued to grow. Eventially, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed some of Liam's things and Liam and said we had to leave. Now, in hind-sight, this was silly, but at the time it seemed the most rational choice. When we finally left the cabin, Liam, Maizy, and I got in the car and Joe walked around the cabin looking for what was making the sound. He found nothing, which freaked me out even more. We drove to the lodge to talk to someone there, but it was closed and the owner had left for the night. We were left to fend for ourselves and there was no way I was going to take Liam back into that cabin. So we drove. The nearest town was about 15 minutes away and once we got there it became clear that there were no options for us there either. It was a tiny town with one house with rooms for rent and we were sure they didn't take dogs. The next town was more than 30 miles away and it was after 11.
Eventially, Joe talked me into going back to the cabin, explaining that we had no other choice. It took a lot of convincing, but we went back, got Liam back to sleep and I laid in bed the rest of the night listening on constant guard. The next morning, Joe talked to the owner and was told that they have a friendly raccoon that enjoys the company of the visitors to our cabin. Now, I have no idea why this wasn't mentioned to us before, but I felt a lot better knowing what/who was hanging around in the dark hours of the night.
This being the first night, of our first family vacation, you may think that it was a total disaster. On the contrary, though the first night was stressful and scary, it is now a funny story that we can tell Liam over and over when he is older. That is the funny thing about family vacations (I have learned). They will never be perfect, unless they are imperfect. Without that scary, stress-filled night, we might not have had any real memories to pass on. But after that night, the rest of the vacation passed far too quickly. We found a stuffed raccoon in the gift shop as a souvenir of our time there and took so many pictures that there is no way we will ever forget any of it.
Although at the beginning it didn't seem that spectacular, this trip was the best one that I have ever been on. Liam smiled the entire vacation which is apparent in every picture that we took, this alone makes me sure that our vacation was a huge success. I will never forget the time the four of us had, just us (except for the raccoon), in the quiet and snowy woods.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Separation Anxiety for all!
This past week has been difficult for both Liam and I. Earlier this week, I dropped Liam off at daycare just like any day. Everything went as usual until I started to leave. That is when Liam decided to cry as I left. He has never done this before and it broke my heart to go. I spent a good ten minutes trying to decide whether or not I should just call in to work and stay home with him. But after working with young kids for so long, I know that this would only make matters worse later on. So I went to work feeling like crap and worrying about how long it would take him to calm down. (I found out later that he was back to normal in seconds)
This happened again the next day as well. It was almost worse the second time, because I was dreading it all morning. Luckly, he was fine by the next morning, but we will see what happens this week!
As if his separation anxiety wasn't enough, last night we tried to have Liam sleep in his crib in his own room. It took about an hour longer than usual to get him to calm down and go to sleep. Sitting down stairs listening to him cry on the monitor was torture! About ten minutes into it, we got him up and he nursed and we tried again. He was quiet for about 15 minutes and then was unhappy again. So my husband went up to calm him down and ended up staying with him for about a half an hour until he was asleep. I spent the entire evening listening to the monitor like a crazy person.
When Joe and I finally went to bed ourselves, I stopped in to check on Liam. He was fast asleep and looked so peaceful that I thought that it would be no problem to go to sleep. But we moved the monitor into the bedroom with us and I continued to listen for over an hour. At that point, Liam woke up for his first feeding. He ate and went back to sleep like usual, but again I laid awake. I finally fell asleep and everything went as usual. He woke up twice more to eat, but had no problem going back to sleep and neither did I. I hope that this situation isn't the same as at the daycare, where day two is worse than the first.
This happened again the next day as well. It was almost worse the second time, because I was dreading it all morning. Luckly, he was fine by the next morning, but we will see what happens this week!
As if his separation anxiety wasn't enough, last night we tried to have Liam sleep in his crib in his own room. It took about an hour longer than usual to get him to calm down and go to sleep. Sitting down stairs listening to him cry on the monitor was torture! About ten minutes into it, we got him up and he nursed and we tried again. He was quiet for about 15 minutes and then was unhappy again. So my husband went up to calm him down and ended up staying with him for about a half an hour until he was asleep. I spent the entire evening listening to the monitor like a crazy person.
When Joe and I finally went to bed ourselves, I stopped in to check on Liam. He was fast asleep and looked so peaceful that I thought that it would be no problem to go to sleep. But we moved the monitor into the bedroom with us and I continued to listen for over an hour. At that point, Liam woke up for his first feeding. He ate and went back to sleep like usual, but again I laid awake. I finally fell asleep and everything went as usual. He woke up twice more to eat, but had no problem going back to sleep and neither did I. I hope that this situation isn't the same as at the daycare, where day two is worse than the first.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
A New Outlook on Life
Warning! The following is corny! Read at your own risk.
Let me start by saying that my life is not going to change because of a movie, however my outlook on it might. I spent that last two and half hours watching a wonderful movie called "Julie and Julia" which I am sure many of you recognize. I enjoyed this movie for many reasons: one- it was entertaining and funny, two- I learned a great deal about Julia Child, and three- I realized a lot about myself and what I want out of life. For those of you who did not read my last blog, I lost a very important person recently- my grandmother. She had a fasinating life which was filled with toughness and love, but at her funeral yesterday none of that was discussed. The person who was in charge of talking about my grandmother didn't know her at all (as most don't) and instead of talking about her wonderful life, he used the occassion as a chance to talk about his work in Africa and his beliefs in hell. Wonderful, I know. But this is another story. The point of mentioning this is, that it made me think of how short life is and about how important it is to make it worth living.
Then to my suprise, there was this engaging movie on tv this morning that not only reminded me of the feelings I had yesterday, but also inspired me to do something about it. I know that we have all heard and probably said this before, but my life is going to change. I don't expect this change to happen today, but instead, slowly and with great focus and thoughtfulness. The movie as well as my grandma have inspired me to do many things, including, but not limited to: cooking, blogging, traveling, being a better person without judgement and cynicism, to be a better mom, teacher, wife and friend, to continue to be healthier and exercise, etc.
Everyone says these things, I know. What is different about this for me is that I don't expect it to happen overnight and I know that I will make mistakes along the way. But if I plan to take it one day at a time and focus on what is really important, I know that I can do it. I plan to look at everyday (yes, even weekdays) as an opportunity to be better- to live life. I think that my New Year's resolution has just clicked a couple of weeks late this year. The weird thing about it though, is that it is not just a resolution for this year, but for the rest of my life. It is a resolution that can not be measured in push ups, number of friends, days, or dollar signs, but in my feelings and my experiences.
Yay for me! I have finally figured it out. Not all of it-if I had what would I do with the rest of my life? But I have had an epiphany. Everything seems to have clicked and I now have a focus. Or more accurately-many. Wish me luck!
Let me start by saying that my life is not going to change because of a movie, however my outlook on it might. I spent that last two and half hours watching a wonderful movie called "Julie and Julia" which I am sure many of you recognize. I enjoyed this movie for many reasons: one- it was entertaining and funny, two- I learned a great deal about Julia Child, and three- I realized a lot about myself and what I want out of life. For those of you who did not read my last blog, I lost a very important person recently- my grandmother. She had a fasinating life which was filled with toughness and love, but at her funeral yesterday none of that was discussed. The person who was in charge of talking about my grandmother didn't know her at all (as most don't) and instead of talking about her wonderful life, he used the occassion as a chance to talk about his work in Africa and his beliefs in hell. Wonderful, I know. But this is another story. The point of mentioning this is, that it made me think of how short life is and about how important it is to make it worth living.
Then to my suprise, there was this engaging movie on tv this morning that not only reminded me of the feelings I had yesterday, but also inspired me to do something about it. I know that we have all heard and probably said this before, but my life is going to change. I don't expect this change to happen today, but instead, slowly and with great focus and thoughtfulness. The movie as well as my grandma have inspired me to do many things, including, but not limited to: cooking, blogging, traveling, being a better person without judgement and cynicism, to be a better mom, teacher, wife and friend, to continue to be healthier and exercise, etc.
Everyone says these things, I know. What is different about this for me is that I don't expect it to happen overnight and I know that I will make mistakes along the way. But if I plan to take it one day at a time and focus on what is really important, I know that I can do it. I plan to look at everyday (yes, even weekdays) as an opportunity to be better- to live life. I think that my New Year's resolution has just clicked a couple of weeks late this year. The weird thing about it though, is that it is not just a resolution for this year, but for the rest of my life. It is a resolution that can not be measured in push ups, number of friends, days, or dollar signs, but in my feelings and my experiences.
Yay for me! I have finally figured it out. Not all of it-if I had what would I do with the rest of my life? But I have had an epiphany. Everything seems to have clicked and I now have a focus. Or more accurately-many. Wish me luck!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Months and Pounds
Since becoming pregnant, my body has changed drastically, many times. First I gained massive amounts of weight in a very short amount of time (which obviously is normal when you are pregnant). Within weeks after Liam was born, I dropped about 20 of the 50lbs that I gained. It then took quite a while for the next 20lbs to be shed. The past couple of months have been spent trying to loose the last 10lbs. There have been a lot of ups and a few downs, but I am almost there! I told myself when I got pregnant, that it would take me nine months to gain the baby weight and I would give myself nine months to loose it. Liam will be nine months next Sunday.
Being a new mom who works makes it very difficult to loose the baby weight. I have been trying to eat better and I know that nursing has helped- A LOT! But when it comes to finding time and energy to work out, it is out of the question. Because I already get up at 4:45 am, there is no way I am going to get up earlier to work out. After work is also not happening. I get home from work about 4pm and Liam goes to bed about 8pm. This is the only time I get to see him throughout the day and I don't want to miss any of that time to go to the gym or go running. Not to mention the guilt I feel even thinking about it. And then there is after Liam goes to sleep. He goes to bed about an hour before I do and by that time, I am so exhausted that I can hardley manage to get off the couch.
Looking back on all of this, I am so shocked that I have made it this far toward my goal of getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight in 9 months. For those of you who haven't had a kids yet, I know that 9 months sounds like a lifetime and as though this should be no problem at all. But you are mistaken! It is very hard. The first couple months is easy because what you loose is a mixture of the weight of the actual baby, the fluid needed to keep baby healthy and the water/bloating that pregnancy adds to your body. But after that, it is all you.
I also never thought too much about how having a baby will actually "change" my body. Even though I am extremely close to my pre-pregnancy weight, I do not see my old body in there anywhere. In some ways, I love my new body, but there are a couple of new developments that I wish I could erase. I am hoping that with a little exersice (when I have more "me" time) I will be able to tone up a little and begin to see a body that I recognize a bit more. Oh the changes that a baby brings! They are never ending!!
Being a new mom who works makes it very difficult to loose the baby weight. I have been trying to eat better and I know that nursing has helped- A LOT! But when it comes to finding time and energy to work out, it is out of the question. Because I already get up at 4:45 am, there is no way I am going to get up earlier to work out. After work is also not happening. I get home from work about 4pm and Liam goes to bed about 8pm. This is the only time I get to see him throughout the day and I don't want to miss any of that time to go to the gym or go running. Not to mention the guilt I feel even thinking about it. And then there is after Liam goes to sleep. He goes to bed about an hour before I do and by that time, I am so exhausted that I can hardley manage to get off the couch.
Looking back on all of this, I am so shocked that I have made it this far toward my goal of getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight in 9 months. For those of you who haven't had a kids yet, I know that 9 months sounds like a lifetime and as though this should be no problem at all. But you are mistaken! It is very hard. The first couple months is easy because what you loose is a mixture of the weight of the actual baby, the fluid needed to keep baby healthy and the water/bloating that pregnancy adds to your body. But after that, it is all you.
I also never thought too much about how having a baby will actually "change" my body. Even though I am extremely close to my pre-pregnancy weight, I do not see my old body in there anywhere. In some ways, I love my new body, but there are a couple of new developments that I wish I could erase. I am hoping that with a little exersice (when I have more "me" time) I will be able to tone up a little and begin to see a body that I recognize a bit more. Oh the changes that a baby brings! They are never ending!!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Last Chapter in an Amazing Book
It is amazing how much time we waist worrying about death. I (as discussed in an earlier blog) have spent many hours obsessing about the subject and I do not think that I am alone. But for the past few days, my thoughts and feelings on the subject have changed drastically. Suprizingly, the soon death of someone near and dear to me, has opened my eyes to the subject. To understand what I mean, you need to know a little bit about the spectacular person to whom I am refering, my grandma!
Grandma Darlene (my dad's mom) has had an amazing, tough, love-filling life that is winding down quickly. She is one of my biggest role models and has taught me a great deal about being a tough woman. She was married to my Dad's dad, with three young kiddos when he decided to leave her for his mistress. She was a single mom for awhile, working as a police woman when she met the man I consider my grandpa (Vince-who my son is named after). She worked as a cop for many years and later became a 911 operator, a job which most people could never do. She divorced my grandpa Vince later on and married my grandpa Bill right around the time I was born.
Grandpa Vince died when I was 12 and Granpa Bill died two years ago in July. She also outlived her first husband. Even though my grandma has many qualities to be admired, she is human and has one specific quality that should be avoided- she is a chain smoker and has been for as long as my dad can remember. For many years, we (her fmaily) tried to get her to stop, but eventually came to the conclusion that it would actually be worse for her health if she did.
For the past few years, grandma has been in and out of the hospital for various health issues. We have prepared for the worst on many occasions, but she has always come out of it. This time, it isn't going to happen. I have spent the past two days watching my tough, sassy, fiesty grandma deteriorate before my eyes. Yesterday she made the decision to die. No more IV's, no more meds, and no more machines. She is ready to go.
Before I saw her yesterday, I was a little angry about her decision and selfishly wanted for her to fight. But after seeing grandma last night, I know that she has made the right decision for herself. She was so happy and clear of mind that it made me re-think things. She seemed relieved and at peace and that makes me happy and at peace. There is still a huge, selfish part of me that just wants grandma here with me as long as she can be, but I now completely understand her and her decision.
She is a smart woman who has been through a lot in her life and has made many life decisions on her own, if she is tired and ready, then why should I feel anything but happy for her. Do not get me wrong, I am balling while I am writing this. When she goes it will kill me and the rest of my family, but all I want for her is to be happy and free of pain and stress and that is the reaction that I am getting from her since she made the decision to be done.
I think that we may go through all of the hard things in life, to help prepare us for death. We have lost three grandparents in my family in the past 3 years-all of which were ready to go. It just dawned on me after seeing my grandma, that this is the way it is supposed to be. You live until you are tired and ready for the next stage in life. Although, I have many years (hopefully) before I have to worry about death, it makes me feel better to know that some day it will be a welcomed chapter.
I competely came to peace with the situation last night. Right before we left grandma at the hospital, I sat down next to her holding Liam. She said that she wanted to give him a kiss, so I bent down, holding him down to her. She gave him a kiss and then they both smiled. I was about to say goodbye myself (thinking that this may be the last time) when Liam leaned down toward grandma all by himself. She asked if he wanted another kiss, he smiled, and she gave him one. At this point I felt so relieved. I don't really know why. Maybe it was that Liam seemed (I know he didn't) to understand that grandma needed one more kiss or maybe it was the way grandma looked so happy and cheerful when he bent down, but either way, we all seemed relieved- grandma, myself and Liam.
I know that when my grandma really does let go and pass on, it will be horrible and extremely difficult for all of us, but I also know that she will be happy and at peace. I will miss her everday and I will make sure that Liam and any of my future children will know all about their amazing great-grandma and the impact that she had on her family. I love you grandma!
Grandma Darlene (my dad's mom) has had an amazing, tough, love-filling life that is winding down quickly. She is one of my biggest role models and has taught me a great deal about being a tough woman. She was married to my Dad's dad, with three young kiddos when he decided to leave her for his mistress. She was a single mom for awhile, working as a police woman when she met the man I consider my grandpa (Vince-who my son is named after). She worked as a cop for many years and later became a 911 operator, a job which most people could never do. She divorced my grandpa Vince later on and married my grandpa Bill right around the time I was born.
Grandpa Vince died when I was 12 and Granpa Bill died two years ago in July. She also outlived her first husband. Even though my grandma has many qualities to be admired, she is human and has one specific quality that should be avoided- she is a chain smoker and has been for as long as my dad can remember. For many years, we (her fmaily) tried to get her to stop, but eventually came to the conclusion that it would actually be worse for her health if she did.
For the past few years, grandma has been in and out of the hospital for various health issues. We have prepared for the worst on many occasions, but she has always come out of it. This time, it isn't going to happen. I have spent the past two days watching my tough, sassy, fiesty grandma deteriorate before my eyes. Yesterday she made the decision to die. No more IV's, no more meds, and no more machines. She is ready to go.
Before I saw her yesterday, I was a little angry about her decision and selfishly wanted for her to fight. But after seeing grandma last night, I know that she has made the right decision for herself. She was so happy and clear of mind that it made me re-think things. She seemed relieved and at peace and that makes me happy and at peace. There is still a huge, selfish part of me that just wants grandma here with me as long as she can be, but I now completely understand her and her decision.
She is a smart woman who has been through a lot in her life and has made many life decisions on her own, if she is tired and ready, then why should I feel anything but happy for her. Do not get me wrong, I am balling while I am writing this. When she goes it will kill me and the rest of my family, but all I want for her is to be happy and free of pain and stress and that is the reaction that I am getting from her since she made the decision to be done.
I think that we may go through all of the hard things in life, to help prepare us for death. We have lost three grandparents in my family in the past 3 years-all of which were ready to go. It just dawned on me after seeing my grandma, that this is the way it is supposed to be. You live until you are tired and ready for the next stage in life. Although, I have many years (hopefully) before I have to worry about death, it makes me feel better to know that some day it will be a welcomed chapter.
I competely came to peace with the situation last night. Right before we left grandma at the hospital, I sat down next to her holding Liam. She said that she wanted to give him a kiss, so I bent down, holding him down to her. She gave him a kiss and then they both smiled. I was about to say goodbye myself (thinking that this may be the last time) when Liam leaned down toward grandma all by himself. She asked if he wanted another kiss, he smiled, and she gave him one. At this point I felt so relieved. I don't really know why. Maybe it was that Liam seemed (I know he didn't) to understand that grandma needed one more kiss or maybe it was the way grandma looked so happy and cheerful when he bent down, but either way, we all seemed relieved- grandma, myself and Liam.
I know that when my grandma really does let go and pass on, it will be horrible and extremely difficult for all of us, but I also know that she will be happy and at peace. I will miss her everday and I will make sure that Liam and any of my future children will know all about their amazing great-grandma and the impact that she had on her family. I love you grandma!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
It's a wonderful life!
This time of the year is always full of fun and joy. But having a baby changes everything, including how you feel about the holidays. When you are kid, Christmas is this wonderful, magical day that you wait for all year long. There is a fantastic feeling that accompanies this time of year. The older that you get, the less magical it is. Stress and lack of funds put a damper on things and even when things are happy and joyful like when you were young, things just are not the same. Every year the season looses a little magic. I spend every year listening to christmas music, watching christmas movies, shop till I drop, decorate non-stop and do anything that may bring that illusive feeling back, but until this year- no luck!
But having a baby in your home brings that feeling back ten-fold! This Christmas has been the most stress-free and magical that I have had since I was about ten. My husband and I spent all evening and most of the morning preparing everything for Liam's first Christmas. I know that kids don't really get the whole christmas, santa, presant, thing until they are older, but I am sure that Liam has figured it out already. He was the only kid at Grandma's christmas party that sat on santa's lap without crying, in fact he seemed quite comfortable. He has also figured out the whole unwrapping thing. He might not get that there is a presant inside, but he sure knows how to tear off the wrapping paper! I am so glad to have the holiday season that I remember from my childhood back again (thanks to my little man)!
Merry Christmas to all and I hope that you find the childhood Christmas feeling too!!
But having a baby in your home brings that feeling back ten-fold! This Christmas has been the most stress-free and magical that I have had since I was about ten. My husband and I spent all evening and most of the morning preparing everything for Liam's first Christmas. I know that kids don't really get the whole christmas, santa, presant, thing until they are older, but I am sure that Liam has figured it out already. He was the only kid at Grandma's christmas party that sat on santa's lap without crying, in fact he seemed quite comfortable. He has also figured out the whole unwrapping thing. He might not get that there is a presant inside, but he sure knows how to tear off the wrapping paper! I am so glad to have the holiday season that I remember from my childhood back again (thanks to my little man)!
Merry Christmas to all and I hope that you find the childhood Christmas feeling too!!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Remember that they try!
I am having a very hard time figuring out how to start this, but I think just saying it will be the best way. Being a parent is (hopefully) a two person job, but there are times being a mom is very lonely and stressful. Everyone has this idealistic picture in their minds of how both mom and dad will share the responsibilities and everything will be wonderfully equal. Unfortunately, this is not realistic. My husband is working very hard to help me and he already does so much more than (from what I have heard) other fathers do. He gets up with Liam during the night to change his diaper, he plays with him as much as possible, and he picks him up everyday from daycare. But there are so many things that, by default, are a mommy's job. This only gets worse if you are exclusively nursing.
There is no way to know how one-sided parenting is until you are there. As I said, my husband tries and does a great deal, but this does not change the number of things that I now have to do. My day consists of.....waking up at 4:45 am just so that I can pump early enough to have milk again by the time I leave Liam at daycare, get myself ready for work, get Liam ready for daycare, get him there, feed him, get to work on time, spend 8 hours being responsible for the learning of about 110 students (while pumping during my planning time and my half hour lunch), come home to immediately feed him again, play with him, change at least five diapers, feed him every two hours, get him to go to sleep just in time to have a half an hour to an hour to myself, and then off to bed to start all over again tomorrow. If this sounds like a lot to do, this is an easy day. Other days can include: dr. appointments, work meetings, grading, cleaning, and/or shopping (just to name a few).
The lopsided nature of parenting can become a cause of persistant arguing between parents. It is so difficult to keep a level head and to remember that they do not have the ability to do all that we mommies do. This is even more difficult when paired with lack of sleep, a bad day (for any party) and/or an unhappy baby. I am exhausted ALL the time and the nagging feeling that I am doing it all alone is tough to swallow. I know that I am not doing it all alone, but it is hard when your partner doesn't really understand what it is that you do differently. Men have it so easy! They get to sleep through the feedings, go to work guilt free, and play with the baby when they are happy. To make matters worse, Liam has begun to prefer mommy when he is sad, tired, or feels yucky. Don't get me wrong, there is a huge part of me that loves that he wants his momma all the time, but the tired part of me wins out most of the time.
I know that it is not possible or fair to daddys, but I sure wish that they could have just one day wearing mommy shoes or at least just be aware of the responsibilities that we take on. If you are expecting for the first time, be prepared to feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and your shoulders alone at least once in a while. Hopefully those feelings are few, far between, and pass quickly; but I can almost guarantee that it will happen. Be prepared!
There is no way to know how one-sided parenting is until you are there. As I said, my husband tries and does a great deal, but this does not change the number of things that I now have to do. My day consists of.....waking up at 4:45 am just so that I can pump early enough to have milk again by the time I leave Liam at daycare, get myself ready for work, get Liam ready for daycare, get him there, feed him, get to work on time, spend 8 hours being responsible for the learning of about 110 students (while pumping during my planning time and my half hour lunch), come home to immediately feed him again, play with him, change at least five diapers, feed him every two hours, get him to go to sleep just in time to have a half an hour to an hour to myself, and then off to bed to start all over again tomorrow. If this sounds like a lot to do, this is an easy day. Other days can include: dr. appointments, work meetings, grading, cleaning, and/or shopping (just to name a few).
The lopsided nature of parenting can become a cause of persistant arguing between parents. It is so difficult to keep a level head and to remember that they do not have the ability to do all that we mommies do. This is even more difficult when paired with lack of sleep, a bad day (for any party) and/or an unhappy baby. I am exhausted ALL the time and the nagging feeling that I am doing it all alone is tough to swallow. I know that I am not doing it all alone, but it is hard when your partner doesn't really understand what it is that you do differently. Men have it so easy! They get to sleep through the feedings, go to work guilt free, and play with the baby when they are happy. To make matters worse, Liam has begun to prefer mommy when he is sad, tired, or feels yucky. Don't get me wrong, there is a huge part of me that loves that he wants his momma all the time, but the tired part of me wins out most of the time.
I know that it is not possible or fair to daddys, but I sure wish that they could have just one day wearing mommy shoes or at least just be aware of the responsibilities that we take on. If you are expecting for the first time, be prepared to feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and your shoulders alone at least once in a while. Hopefully those feelings are few, far between, and pass quickly; but I can almost guarantee that it will happen. Be prepared!
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