Homecoming

It has taken me almost a week to be ready to relive our travels home. Those 48 hours will forever be some of the hardest hours of my life. Ask anyone, this particular piece of the adoption process has terrified me since day one, and for good reason. We headed to the airport early, around noon. Checkout was at noon, so we arranged for the driver Holt scheduled for us, to pick us up at the hotel then. Although our flight wasn't until 6pm, we knew that there would be many time-consuming hurdles which would help to pass the hours. The taxi ride to the airport was nearly an hour, so we were already that much closer to flight time.

We dropped off the WiFi egg, checked in, dropped off our luggage and ate lunch. All of this soaking up some of our wait time. While finishing lunch, our first meltdown of the day occurred, right in the middle of the airport food court. It was a pretty big one, maybe the biggest public tantrum I had experienced as a mama, yet it was nothing in comparison to what lie ahead of us. After finally calming Maylee, we found our gate and decided to continue to wander, exploring the airport to kill more time. We found a Pororo play area, which kept Maylee mildly amused for a bit, then we shopped a bit, specifically looking for snacks to pack away for the 9 hour flight ahead.

We finally found the only convenience store in the entire airport, which just happened to be right next to the food court from earlier, then filled a basket with anything and everything Maylee seemed interested in. We headed back to our gate to wait to board the plane. We played with stickers, colored, and took walks around the terminal to keep everyone's nerves a bay. Finally, it was time to board the plane. We got to go first, as I was "randomly selected" for another security check right before entering the plane.

We got settled on the plane without incident. We were prepared- snacks, activities, toys, kindle, TV/movies, water. Even through take off, everything seemed great. Maylee was calm, happy and I had hope for an easy flight. However, it was already past her bedtime and dinner time and dinner service hadn't even started yet. As soon as the "fasten seat-belt" sign went off, Maylee began getting restless. I unbuckled her and she stood in her space near the window for a bit- happy to be unstrapped.  Then her dinner came. She ate very little and it seemed to make her anxious. She began fussing more and more.

My dinner came and S%$* hit the fan. Her fussing became full out screaming and jumping up and down, resulting in hitting her head repeatedly on the chair in front of her. She also hit my tray several times. Of course, right then, the "fasten seat-belt" sign came on and we hit a pocket of turbulence. More screaming and more of my dinner being jostled. I eventually gave up on eating and sent the tray back, so that I could focus on calming Maylee. Finally the seat-belt sign went off and Maylee and I tried walking the aisles. This worked for a bit, but Maylee was tired, so she didn't want to walk long and started pointing at her seat as we passed. Although, sitting didn't make her happy either. She wanted to be held, but didn't want to be held.

As she became more tired, her screams became louder. Of course, the lights stayed on far too late for her and this already was not the ideal place to fall asleep, so she was not having the whole "just rest" thing. At some point, she and I made our way to the back of the plane, where the most amazing flight staff ever tried to help me distract/calm her. It would work for a minute, but then she would scream and cry again. A bit later, I got her to sleep, but only while I was holding/rocking/shushing her in unison. I spent what felt like an hour doing this, feeling like my arms and back would give out at any minute, and not quite feeling like this was real. Was it real? Did this REALLY happen? Yes, yes it did.

Thinking she was finally out, Cassie prepared our seats for her to lay down and I brought her back, where she promptly woke up more mad/sad/scared than before. This time, her screams were so loud that they attracted several flight attendants in the back of the plane, all trying their hardest to reason with the terrorist that was my toddler. None of it worked. In a last ditch effort, I got the ergo, knowing it helped her to sleep before. We avoided this up until this point, because Maylee hates getting into it and we thought she was already screaming enough without it, but at this point, what could it hurt? We were wrong. New level of screams.

She was so upset that a flight attendant walked right up to us and took her out without a word to either of us. Then Cassie took her so I could use the restroom. When I came out, Cassie had her on her back, bouncing up and down. This had worked! She was falling asleep finally. As long as she was bouncing, she was asleep, but no one could keep this up forever and after awhile we tried to lay her down again. More screaming. This went on for the first four hours of our nine hour flight. Finally, Cassie and I were too tired to stand with her, so we sat with her in the middle and turned on Pororo. Maylee spent the next hour alternating between quiet grunts while watching Pororo and more screams. Right around hour five of the flight, she finally curled up on the seat and fell asleep. Hallelujah!

She slept for about two hours, then woke up crying. I scooped her up quickly, held her like a baby and shushed her until she fell asleep again. I held her this way for another hour or so, even through the "fasten seat-belt" sign being lit multiple times. NO ONE could make me wake that girl up. NO ONE was going to make me belt her in. If it got scary, of course I would have, but there were only a few bumps and her rest and our sanity prevailed. The last hour of the flight Maylee laid with her head on my lap until just before we landed, when she woke up a bit sad but manageable.

After landing, collecting our things, and getting off the plane, we went through what felt like hell on earth. You would think that nothing could have been worse than the flight we had just endured, but you would be forgetting the damn immigration line. We were told to head to a special line to hand over Maylee's visa/immigration paperwork, which would need to be submitted for her to enter the US. I was excited as we zoomed right past the very long line for the average passenger. Finally, something would go faster than usual! Then we found the line we were looking for and there were only three people ahead of us. Score!

Nope. Each person/group in front of us took 20 minutes to be processed. You've got that right, we waited over an hour! Over an hour!!! When it was finally our turn, we handed over our passports and paperwork and were on our way within five minutes. Who knows what the people in front of us needed to accomplish with their 20 minute meetings at the counter, but I was so glad ours was fast. We then had to pick up and re-check our bags. Yep, you heard that right too. Although this was easy and fairly quick, we were all losing control of our bodies and minds. Yet another hurdle- security, then another- three trains to get to our terminal, and another- a crowded walk to a crowded seating area. Finally, we arrived at our plane, more than two hours after landing.

Our wait to board was very fast. Cassie and I each ventured out for a drink and a snack, then it was time to get back on a plane. This one was a breeze. Less than 40 minutes in the air and Maylee fell asleep near the end of it. We spent more time on the plane waiting to go, than we did in the air. Finally, something that was easy. Landing in Portland was like a dream come true. Maylee was sleeping in the ergo, I was nearing delirium from exhaustion, but my boys, family and friends were waiting for us, so I felt the energy to get there quick.

Seeing my boys, knowing that the tough two days of travel were over, and knowing our family was FINALLY together poked holes in the floodgate which had been building. I lost it. I sobbed as I hugged my boys. So happy to be home, too tired to hold in the tears. After my needed hugs, the chatting between family and friends began. Everyone was so happy to meet Maylee, even if she was completely passed out.

At my lowest, most defeated moment on our first flight, I had completely planned to call Joe during our layover and tell him to call off the welcoming committee. At that point, I couldn't even comprehend seeing anyone and felt like it would only make Maylee's experience even more traumatic than it had already been. Although at the time, that totally would have been the right call, I'm so glad that I chose not to do it. I needed to feel/see the love of my family and friends. I needed them to be excited to welcome our sweet girl. I needed it more than I ever thought I would. Even though she won't have those memories, they are special to me.

Putting Maylee in the car began as the plane had- screaming, thrashing, pure hatred in her eyes. But as quickly as she had become upset, she calmed right down and fell asleep before we had even left the parking lot. The drive home was wonderful. Chats with my boys, a sleepy girl in her car seat, and a tired mama "off travel duty". The heaven after the hell.