We're Broke

I've been considering writing this post for some time now, but always decide against it for various reasons. I have gotten to the point where, I just can't wait any longer. Our friends and family need to know why they hear "No." so often.

The Brooks family is broke. Sort of. We are not broke in the sense that we don't have money that could be dispensable, we do. We are broke in the sense, that it is gone, used, has a purpose. My husband and I, chose to go down the debt-free future path, about two years ago. We have worked hard, and paid off a lot of debt. But selling our house, renting, then purchasing our forever home, put our debt-pay-off-plan on hold for about 9 months. We are finally getting back to it, and have set a pretty lofty goal for ourselves. We want to pay off one of our student loans by this time next year. It is doable, if we stick to our budget......if we say, "No."

Smart Advice from Mr. Dave Ramsey

I hate to disappoint people, especially the people I care about. So when we are asked to go out to dinner, go to a movie, take a trip etc., it's very hard to always say the same two letters: N. O. It's also hard to feel as though we are skimping on things. When we give gifts, they are small, simple, basic. When Christmas or birthdays are approaching, it takes months of planning ahead, and a great deal of budgeting to get the job done. Although it seems counter-intuitive, this a major reason for putting our family on a budget. We want to send our parents on that trip they have been dreaming about. We want to pick a gift, based on the interests of the person, not the price tag. We want to be able to be the generous, thoughtful people, that we wish we could afford to be. We want to travel as a family. We want a future free of the stress associated with debt.

We don't want our friends and family to stop including us (or trying to), we don't want to be thought of as "cheap" or "stingy". It's quite the opposite. We want to give ourselves the opportunity to be the "yes" people in the future. With debt hanging over our heads, we would never truly feel comfortable with larger purchases, family/friend vacations, dinners out without reading every price on the menu, or shopping for ourselves without feeling guilty. Becoming debt-free will help us do all of these things and more, while still being responsible and thoughtful about our money.

Joe and I, own our choice. We stand by it. It doesn't bother us to miss out on these situations for the time being, because the goal is that we will be able to enjoy them in the future. We want to instill smart finances, and financial responsibility in our boys.

I don't feel sorry for us. I'm proud of our choices. My goal is for the people around us to understand WHY we say, "No.", WHY this is important to us, WHY we make the choices we make.

Our Debt-Free Future Inspiration

Judge and Jury

We have all been there. You're at a party, playdate, the park, a grocery store, and your little one throws a tantrum, is "the bossy one", takes things from others, says something inappropriate, etc. You chose the scenario, but we've all been there. It's hard enough, that our job as parents is to be able to decipher this behavior, pull out the mommy/daddy trick that will defuse the situation, and do it all without breaking a sweat. Now, add on the pressure of doing this in front of dozens of judging eyes. We have all felt it.

I had a conversation with an older mommy, over the weekend, when she made the statement that, "she could just start interacting with other moms (now that her children are grown, and have their own babies), because the competitiveness is finally gone." Sad. Our best resource, as parents, are other parents, yet we feel so judged that we sever these ties. Later in the weekend, I was able to have a very insightful conversation with a long-time friend and mama, where we discussed the pressure associated with the prying eyes of other parents.

Being a parent shouldn't be about doing it "best", it shouldn't be about having the "perfect" kiddos, it should be about doing the best we can to raise happy, mindful, caring human beings. But, for many of us, we worry too much about what others think about how we deal with sticky situations. Having the experiences of this past weekend, have put me in a very thoughtful mode. In reflecting on my sons' behavior, my responses to it, my concerns about how others see me, comments that have been thrown my way, etc., I have devised some advise for myself. Reminders, if you will. Things to keep in mind, when I find myself being judged........or.......judging.

1. We've all been there!: We all want to pretend that we haven't, but we have all felt the heat, head-rush, panic, and embarrassment, of tough parenting situations. We have all been blindsided by unexpected behavior. We have all given ourselves the, "In _________ situation, I will do _________......" pep talk. So, get over it. Stop blaming the parent.

2. The judgment you feel is in your head: We all let our minds run wild with, "I bet she thinks I am a horrible parent!", "No one is going to let my son/daughter play with their kids.", "I'm sure, they are running home to complain about how I handled that situation." In many of these situations, what we believe is being thought/said behind closed doors, is probably far worse than reality. Stop worrying about what others think. Do what's best for you and your kids.

3. The judgement you feel is real: We all do it. We see a tantrum, or a grabby kid, and we think "Why isn't she/he doing this?" It's normal. Really, it's an important part of our development as parents. "Judging" a parenting situation, where you are a bystander with a front row seat, but none of the embarrassment, is the perfect time to re-evaluate your possible responses. Unfortunately, most parents don't use this opportunity to hone their own skills, they use it to belittle the parent who is "screwing it up". Judge the situation, not the parent.

4. We all do what is best for our kids, and us: If I have learned anything, since having two children, it's that there is no manual for being an effective parent. There is no "perfect" game plan. What works for one sibling, doesn't work for the other. So why would we ever think, that what works for one of OUR kids, would work for someone else and theirs??

5. Don't offer advise, unless asked: For the same reason, as #4, offering unsolicited parenting advise is a load of crap. It is a mommy or daddy's way of feeling as though they know what they are doing. Don't do it. It's not helpful. I will be honest. When someone tries to give me unsolicited advise, I instantly recount every one of their parenting "mistakes". If I'm asked, awesome, advice away! Otherwise, parents will see it as pure judgement and will tune you out anyway.

6. Train wrecks are normal: Before becoming a parent, I always thought....."My kids won't act that way!", "I wouldn't let my son/daughter get away with that.", "What are those parents doing?!" In reality, these situations are normal, unavoidable (to a certain extent). Kids learn what appropriate behavior is through parental modeling, shared interactions, and yes, misbehavior. Tantrums are a way for kids to process their feelings, before they have learned how to process them appropriately. The fact that these situations exist, is not a testament to the horrible standards/teachings of the parent, but to the normal development of a child. It is our job as parents to teach the coping, social, emotional skills needed for our babies to grow into productive, reasonable, caring adults, but it is a process, it takes time, it takes trial and error.

7. Making mistakes is part of the process: We have all reflected on a parenting faux pas and thought, "I should have handled it this way, or that way." Good! Try it next time. Stop beating yourself up, for not doing it last time. If you keep trying, eventually, you will find the response that works for you and your child. As I tell my students, the only true mistake, is not learning from them, when they occur.

I will try my hardest to be a reflecting, not judging, parent. To be a comrade, not a teacher. To be here for my friends, without feeling the need to "fix" or "change". I will take pride in my parenting philosophy, not shame in my mistakes. I will not judge others or myself, only support and encourage.

Things to be Learned at Outdoor School

The district that I teach in, is lucky enough to still have an outdoor school program. Even in a time of budget cuts, and lost programs, our district has seen the value of this wonderful program, and has made it a priority to continue offering this life-changing experience to our sixth grade students. Due to becoming a mommy (twice), and having young ones at home, I have not been able to go to outdoor school with my students, since my very first year teaching, until this week. I was not lucky enough to grow up in a school that offered outdoor school, and had my first experience with it, as an adult volunteer when my sisters participated. I saw the value then, but I see it even more now.

This past week has been filled with memories and learning that could have never occurred within the walls of even, the most amazing of schools. The life-lessons, hands on and first hand learning, the relationships forged, and independence gained, throughout the four days we spend at Camp Magruder, were so amazing! I wish that there was a way to show, each and every parent, teacher, and student, what this program does for our kids, but unfortunately, my words and experience will have to do.

There were many, many aspects of camp that helped to shape the minds of those who attended. Here are just a few:

Earth Field Study: Oregon Coast

Curriculum: The field studies offered at outdoor school follow the national 6th grade science standards to a "T". All week, I heard students saying, "Oh, we already learned about this!", or "Oh, that's what Ms. Science Teacher taught us!" The awesome thing about this is that, the students were able to see what they had already learned, in a real-life setting. They were able to expand on their previous knowledge in a hands-on way. It made their past learning "real", "purposeful", "useful".


Relationships: Our school went to a camp which also housed a school from a district quite different from ours (in distance and experiences). It was life-altering for many of our students to meet, and become friends with others who are not like them in every way, who come from a different way of life, and who have other interests. Their relationships with their peers also changed. Many students who haven't said more than two words to each other all year, were now room mates and friends. Finally, their relationships with their teachers.

Animal Field Study: In the Woods

Our students got to see us in a different light. At camp, teachers are fun, silly, and have all the time in the world. I try to be/do these things in my classroom to, but with standards, testing, several classes, grading, questions, etc., some of those things happen on a limited basis. I was able to have several, good, happy, relaxed, conversations with my students. Not about Social Studies, or how they can get a better grade, but about their interests, their favorite part of the day, their hopes for the future, etc. Those relationships and the bonds strengthened through this experience is, in and of itself, worth every penny!

Beautiful Lake in Camp

Independence: Every year, I am shocked by the number of students and parents that tell me that they have never been apart over night before outdoor school. Every year, these same parents and students worry about the time and space that will come between them, while participating in ODS. Every year, I remind both parties, that this time away is good for everyone. Kids need to learn some independence. They need to build strong, trusting relationships with their peers. Parents need to see the pride and success that their children feel when they come home with millions of stories to tell. Independence is a trait that everyone needs to learn at some point, why not when enjoying nature, friends, and gaining education?!

Sustainability: Outdoor school isn't just about trees, life cycles, bugs, and science. It also has a wonderful component that we could all use refreshers on from time to time. At every meal, students learned about ways to save energy, live in a sustainable way, help the environment, and how these tips can affect the world around them. They discussed/taught by example the benefits of buying local food, composting, growing your own food, and overall environmental awareness. I think of myself as someone who cares deeply about the world I live in, and I do my best to make my footprint a small one, but I learned so much from being surrounded by while at camp. It reminded me of the things I already know, but have "forgotten" and the easy changes I can make to help my local area: environmentally, socially, and financially.

Please, support and push for outdoor school programs in your school districts! These programs teach our students invaluable life lessons they just can't get anywhere else!

Forest Field Study: The View from the Hike

In Our Corner

Buying and/or selling a home is a very scary, very emotional process. I have learned how important it is to have someone who knows this process, inside and out, in your corner. We found that in our real estate broker, Marie Boatsman. She is absolutely A-MAZ-ING! Over the past 5ish years, she has helped us buy two homes and sell one. Each time, with patience, kindness, insights, and years of experience that were invaluable to us. We met Marie, when a friend recommended her, and have never thought to go with anyone else since. We would never enter into a real estate transaction without her help and guidance. With each of our situations, she went above and beyond in helping us end up with everything we were hoping for, and more.

When we bought our first home, we were looking for a fixer-upper so that we could buy in our prime location. When she took us to look at our first home, we were nervous. We liked everything about it: the size, neighborhood, overall location, layout, yard. You name it, we we were in love. But it seemed out of our reach. How could we afford something so perfect? She worked her magic, and within a few days, our offer was accepted. We not only got the best home available, but we were safely within our budget.

Five years, and two babies later, we decided that we were out-growing our beautiful first home. We turned to Marie for help, and she went above and beyond helping us to get our home in tip top shape. The house was on the market for less than three weeks when we received an offer, which we countered with a full price offer, and the buyers accepted it! It was extremely difficult to leave our first home, but Marie helped us feel comfortable and made sure we were knowledgeable about all of the steps of the process.

Fast forward a few months, and we were ready to being the search for our forever home. We, once again, turned to Marie. Not only did she help us find our dream home, in a not so great buyer's market, but she helped us to navigate a new home-buying obstacle......the short sale. We put an offer on our home, expecting it to take months to hear back. Within three weeks we had heard from the bank, and they had accepted our offer! Then came the next hurdle, the inspection. Because the house had been a rental for years, then sat empty for a bit, the house needed some maintenance. We were told by everyone (including the house's real estate agent) that banks don't help with these costs. Marie submitted a new offer based on the things that needed to be done, and a couple of days later we heard the amazing news. They had once again, accepted!

Marie made all of these deals happen. She used her expertise to help us to get everything that we wanted out of each and every transaction. Every one of these situations had the potential to be an uphill battle, with tears and disappointment at the end, but Marie is a miracle worker, and refused to let that happen. We couldn't be happier to have her in our real estate corner, and we are so so so happy to call her a dear friend.

If you are in the market for someone to help you find or sell a home, contacting Marie is the first step in reaching your real estate goals!
Here is a link to her Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/mbrealestatebroker

The Big 3-0

I have spent my whole life ignoring this specific number, this specific birthday, this specific realization. When I was young, I never thought of thirty as "old", but I have always thought of it as mature-the end of the childhood/young adult phase of life. It always seemed so far away. A distant future, that I didn't need to think about just yet. Then it happened, time went by-elementary school, middle school, high school, college, grad school, the first 5 years of teaching, a wedding, and two births-and here I am.......thirty.

Why does the jump from twenty nine to thirty seems so big? Why have I always thought of my true grown up life beginning at this exact day? I have no answers, I have no reasons; but it's true. Did I really change over night? Of course not. Did I go to sleep youthful, energetic, and happy, but wake up wrinkled, tired, and frail. Nope. Yet I still feel it. A change.

Thirty is just a number, it is just one day of my life. Nothing more, nothing less. But it does seem to hold a great deal of power over many of us. I still believe that thirty isn't old, but mature. It's no longer in the distant future, it is now in my past. The day has come and gone, and the only thing that has changed is my answer to the question, "How old are you?"

I would have to say, that the hardest part, is that it seems as though yet another chapter of my life is behind me. Yes, there are many more ahead, but this one was great. One that I wish I could revisit from time to time. Not just in memories and in pictures, but really visit. I do embrace the future. There are many wonderful memories to be made, new chapters to write, pictures to be taken. But no matter where my future takes me, it can't change how thankful I am for my past.

Thirty years is a long time to learn, grow, and shape yourself. Every one of the days I have lived has made me who I am, and every day from now on, will shape the future me. So, although I'm working on truly embracing this new era of my life, I am owning my uneasy feelings. I am embracing my day to day. I will enjoy it. I will love life. I will be thankful. Everyday.

Buying a Short Sale

When we began looking for our new home, we had no intentions of focusing on a short sale or foreclosure, but it didn't take long to realize how great of an idea it would be. We had the perfect situation. We were renting a comfortable, nice home in a great neighborhood, we had the down payment saved, and we felt no rush to find a home or move. We were ready to find the perfect house, even if it meant waiting months to hear whether or not we got it. We also realized that the homes we were most excited about, just happened to be short sales. We found quite a few right off the bat, that we wanted to give a shot. The first house we made an offer on-we were out-bid. But were given "second place" position-meaning, if the first buyer's offer fell through, we would be next in line.

The second was a beautiful home, in the perfect neighborhood, but was a rental for years, so it didn't have the best up-keep, and needed lots of updating. We decided to put an offer in on that one as well. Our plan was to keep looking at any other homes that we liked, while waiting for either of the short sales to come back. We thought that news from the bank (one way or another), would end up being our timeline for finding something else. We thought we would have tons of time! Short sales usually take months. We had three weeks. The bank accepted our offer on the second home almost immediately (for a short sale), which floored us, our Realtor, and the seller's Realtor. No one expected that.

When we found out, we panicked a bit. We had just seen another home-not a short sale-earlier that night, and were trying to decide between the two. Luckily, the offer came on a Friday, so we were able to give ourselves a couple of days to figure it out. We decided, too quickly, to put an offer in on the new house. The second we signed the paperwork, I panicked. I knew instantly, that I didn't want the offer to go through. After letting Joe know how I was feeling, we quickly contacted our wonderful, patient Realtor, and rescinded our offer. I felt horrible, but I knew that it wasn't the house for our family. I'm so glad that I spoke up!

We thought long and hard that weekend. We came out knowing that the short sale home was the one for us. We waited for the inspection, which came back with a few issues, but we had a plan. We asked for the bank to lower our price based on the repairs needed. Once again, we were told that dealing with a bank might be difficult, and the seller's Realtor was sure that they wouldn't accept our new offer. Three days later, we got news that the bank had accepted it. Yay! Once again, we waited for the appraisal to come back. Today it did. Once again, great news!

It has been six months since we moved into our rental, and here we are packing again. Short Sales are nothing to be afraid of. Although I know that our situation is not at all the norm, it is possible. Short Sales can offer buyers a wonderful home, for an even better value. This time, the move will be far less emotional, more exciting, and we can't wait to make our new house, our home!

Rental Life

We have been living in a rental home for almost 6 months now. It has gone by quite fast and has been a relatively easy adjustment to make. Although it has been easier than we expected, there have been some rough parts, some of which we didn't plan to be an issue. When we moved, we thought it would be nice to live in a home where upkeep was not our responsibly, where we could call the landlord anytime we had an issue. Well, that hasn't been as easy as we thought. Having a landlord to call when something goes wrong, means that you have to deal with a landlord. Ours has not been so wonderful.

When we moved in, we realized AT THE WALK-THROUGH (apparently, no one had any idea before that), that the fireplace and the stove didn't work. We could care less about the fireplace, but a stove is a bit of a necessity. When the issue was "realized", the landlord told us that it would be fixed before we were to move in a week later. Needless to say, that didn't happen. In fact, a week after we moved in, it was still being figured out.

Who figured it out? Oh, not the landlord. We did. We talked to HomeDepot, we had to be here for the handyman who took the old stove out, for the men who were to install, then the electrician, then the when the men came back to install it for a second time. All of which HAD to happen during a the normal work day, of course. Then there was the hot tub. When we moved in, we were told we had a choice: use the hot tub and be responsible for maintaining it, or they would pay to have someone come to clean and weather it. We chose the latter. It took almost a month for someone to take care of it, with the water sitting in it, running periodically.

All of these issues were made enough, but then came the realization of going from a house that is our own, into a house that is not. Our boys' bedrooms are plain, boring, and covered in scribbles and stickers from the previous owner, there are boxes of the owner's junk in the garage, that was left for us to find, pack, and store, but the worst part has been the drive. We only live one town from our previous home. It adds about 15 minutes to Joe's drive in the morning (because he leaves so early), but about 20-25 minutes more to both of my commutes and Joe's evening drive. This has been quite an adjustment both for our evening family time, and our wallets. It costs us about another $100 a month in gas to live where we are-a fee we didn't plan on.

Now that we are in the process of purchasing our forever home and we can see an end in sight, we can see our time in the rental for what it has been, a time to look for our real home, time to save a bit of money, and time to figure out what we are not willing to give up. Location, size, yard, and neighborhood. I'm sure that there will be time where we have fond memories of this house and our time here, but I'm not holding my breathe for that day.