Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The Big 3-0

I have spent my whole life ignoring this specific number, this specific birthday, this specific realization. When I was young, I never thought of thirty as "old", but I have always thought of it as mature-the end of the childhood/young adult phase of life. It always seemed so far away. A distant future, that I didn't need to think about just yet. Then it happened, time went by-elementary school, middle school, high school, college, grad school, the first 5 years of teaching, a wedding, and two births-and here I am.......thirty.

Why does the jump from twenty nine to thirty seems so big? Why have I always thought of my true grown up life beginning at this exact day? I have no answers, I have no reasons; but it's true. Did I really change over night? Of course not. Did I go to sleep youthful, energetic, and happy, but wake up wrinkled, tired, and frail. Nope. Yet I still feel it. A change.

Thirty is just a number, it is just one day of my life. Nothing more, nothing less. But it does seem to hold a great deal of power over many of us. I still believe that thirty isn't old, but mature. It's no longer in the distant future, it is now in my past. The day has come and gone, and the only thing that has changed is my answer to the question, "How old are you?"

I would have to say, that the hardest part, is that it seems as though yet another chapter of my life is behind me. Yes, there are many more ahead, but this one was great. One that I wish I could revisit from time to time. Not just in memories and in pictures, but really visit. I do embrace the future. There are many wonderful memories to be made, new chapters to write, pictures to be taken. But no matter where my future takes me, it can't change how thankful I am for my past.

Thirty years is a long time to learn, grow, and shape yourself. Every one of the days I have lived has made me who I am, and every day from now on, will shape the future me. So, although I'm working on truly embracing this new era of my life, I am owning my uneasy feelings. I am embracing my day to day. I will enjoy it. I will love life. I will be thankful. Everyday.

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