Before I had my son, I made a lot of assumptions about who I would be and how I would feel. So far, they were all wrong. I thought that I would be ready to go back to work by September, didn't happen. I thought that I would be calm and relaxed and not worry about every little thing, didn't happen. I thought that I would be ready to put him in his own room at night, definately did not happen. But the biggest assumption that I made was that nursing would be easy and come naturally. Although this happened at the beginning of Liam's life and was even going well for the first two months that I was back to work, it has now become more difficult than I ever thought.
Apparently your body can just decide- no more milk for a machine. This is complicating my life considerably. I feel so proud that I alone have been able to feed my son for this long. It has become extremely important to me to continue nursing at least for the first year. There are many reasons why this would be benefitial. It is better for Liam, it's much cheaper than formula, and it has become an incredible bonding experience, but there is also the feelings of regret, frustration and guilt that have begun to creep in at the thought of not continuing. The stress of not being able to keep up with the demand has always been there, but now my body has thrown another wrench in the works. I will continue to work towards my goal and do everything possible to keep it going. The best way that I can think of help the situation is to relax and take a quiet bubble bath, lets hope it helps!
Update: I am back on track with nursing/pumping. In fact, this week was the best it has ever been! If I have learned anything in the past 7 months, it is that as soon as you think you know what to expect, things change. Luckly, in this case, all the changes were good. Liam is well fed and I am happy and regret-free.
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