I have been working part-time for about two months now and will be receiving my second "small" paycheck next week. So guess what?! In the past month we had to have a tree trimmed (when I say trimmed I mean hacked to pieces), an electrician out, and now someone hit my car! Last week Liam and I went to Joe's work to have lunch with him. We parked in the parking garage across the street and were gone about an hour and a half. When we went to leave, there it was……a series of scratches from the tire to the end of the car along the bumper. It looked terrible! We looked everywhere and no note, so when I was leaving I told the attendant and they said that no one talked to them. What a jerk! I can't believe that someone would hit a stranger's car and just leave! Well, I guess I can, there are people who do a lot owrse. But still, Jerk!
Joe took the car to a body shop that very day and they buffed-out a lot of the damage, but the bumper still looks horrible. They also told us that because the area that was damaged is part of a piece that circles the whole car, they would charge over $700 dollars to fix it. We really can't afford to pay that much and I don't really care whether or not we have a scratched car, but we are still making payments on it and the scratches definitely bring the value of the car down. Luckily our insurance will kick in as an un-insured driver and the deductable is only $300. But what else can possibly go wrong! I feel like my part-time situation is being sabotaged! We haven't had to do anything to the house since we moved in (except a new washer and dryer), until the last month.
Whatever! I'm home with my baby boy and everything else will work itself out! Right??
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
What's important?! Oh, how to decide!
I'm a couple of months in to working part-time and I absolutely LOVE everything about it! I'm the best teacher I can be (when at school), I'm the best mom and wife I can be (when at home), and I'm not absolutely exhausted like I was last year. I know that this is what is best for my son, my students, and for me. But, is it what's best for our family in the long run? Since going to part-time the pay checks are looking pretty small. Shouldn't be a surprise, huh? Well it wasn't, and we are doing great with our budget. But lately I have been thinking about all of the other things that I, Joe, and (some day) our kids will want to do. I know that everyone wants things and that there is always something that would be better, but I can't decide if one or two of those "wants" are worth going back to work full-time next year. The scary thing is that next year my school district will most likely make me choose to come back full-time or give up half of my position and become part-time permanently. Both of these options scare me! I do not want to go back to full-time, and now that I know what it's like to have less stress and more energy and time with my little guy, I don't know if I even could go back. But cutting back my hours permanently is stressful too, because then my options for full-time in the future are gone until budgets get better.
Choices...choices........
Choices...choices........
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Saturday Morning Funny
So we have been trying to go without cable and internet at home for about a month now. Everything is going very well and I'm suprised at how easy this has been (for the most part). We will see how things go once school is out and I can't check my e-mail daily. Anyway, Sunday morning Joe was "relaxing" on the couch and Liam was napping. I was so bored, so I tried out the Saturday morning tv line-up. Needless to say, there were not a whole lot of choices! I decided on an info-mercial (for no particular reason). It took me about ten minutes to realize that they were trying to sell me hair products that give you volume and shine. Oh man! I spent a small chunk of my Saturday watching someone try to sell a product that a bald person, like myself, would NEVER need. The worst part about it was that they almost had me sold. It did make the model's hair look nice and it made me forget that I would have no use for it. Man, they were good! I know that this is soooo random, but hey, I thought it was funny!
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Grass May Be Greener
Joe and I have been talking a lot about making some major changes in our lives. Although we have a wonderful life, great family and friends, and enjoy our jobs, we feel as though there may be something that is missing. For this reason, much of our "adult time" has been filled with discussions about how to fix that, and what we could possibly do differently. The biggest change that we have considered making is where we live. For about a year now we have talked about relocating, and as this year has progressed the conversation has become more serious. We love Oregon and it will always be our home, but there is always this nagging question of whether or not we would be happier somewhere else.
We have in no way, decided on anything yet, but the conversation has been persistant. The older I get, the more this area seems to not fit my plans and hopes for the future. I know that there will be issues anywhere that we live, but what I truely want is not happening here. I want to live in a tiny town with land and neighbors that you actually talk to. I want my son to go to a school where everyone watches out for him and knows us too. I would love to spend more time outdoors (and so would Liam), but having 9-10 months a year be cold, rainy weather doesn't make that easy.
I have always wanted to venture out of this area to see what life would be like somewhere new. Now Joe and I feel rushed to figure this out. We both agree that we want to be sure and settled by the time Liam goes to school. We don't want to move him around or make him start over in a new school, so we have four years to wiggle with. Luckly, my profession is everywhere. Even though there may not be very many jobs for teachers right now, there will be at some point and I can always sub until there is. Joe's work is a bit harder. Because he is a trader and there are not a lot of investment firms in small towns, finding a job will be far more difficult for him.
As I said, we have not decided on anything yet, and still have a lot to think about and/or do before this would ever be a possibility, but I would love the opportunity to spread my wings and try something new. Having a fresh start and getting a blank slate is extremely appealling right now, and picking up and moving is about as fresh and blank as you can get!
The idea of it being a short term move is what is intriguing us at this point. If we could some how, have the option to try out someplace new for just a couple of years, that would be ideal. But so far, nothing has dropped into our laps, so we will just have to wait and see what the future has in store for us! Hopefully, warmer weather, friendly people, history, and culture.
We have in no way, decided on anything yet, but the conversation has been persistant. The older I get, the more this area seems to not fit my plans and hopes for the future. I know that there will be issues anywhere that we live, but what I truely want is not happening here. I want to live in a tiny town with land and neighbors that you actually talk to. I want my son to go to a school where everyone watches out for him and knows us too. I would love to spend more time outdoors (and so would Liam), but having 9-10 months a year be cold, rainy weather doesn't make that easy.
I have always wanted to venture out of this area to see what life would be like somewhere new. Now Joe and I feel rushed to figure this out. We both agree that we want to be sure and settled by the time Liam goes to school. We don't want to move him around or make him start over in a new school, so we have four years to wiggle with. Luckly, my profession is everywhere. Even though there may not be very many jobs for teachers right now, there will be at some point and I can always sub until there is. Joe's work is a bit harder. Because he is a trader and there are not a lot of investment firms in small towns, finding a job will be far more difficult for him.
As I said, we have not decided on anything yet, and still have a lot to think about and/or do before this would ever be a possibility, but I would love the opportunity to spread my wings and try something new. Having a fresh start and getting a blank slate is extremely appealling right now, and picking up and moving is about as fresh and blank as you can get!
The idea of it being a short term move is what is intriguing us at this point. If we could some how, have the option to try out someplace new for just a couple of years, that would be ideal. But so far, nothing has dropped into our laps, so we will just have to wait and see what the future has in store for us! Hopefully, warmer weather, friendly people, history, and culture.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Learning from the Young Ones
Why do I work with kids? Why do I have massive amounts of patients for young people when I can barely stand to be around most adults? Well, for two reasons: one- I was born to be a teacher and we tend to like being around small humans, two- because kids say what adults want to and then move on. They are the most honest and forthcoming people and I appreciate that more than anything else that they do. I have alopecia totalis, this means that for a great deal of my life, I have been completely bald. You would think that this would cause some stress/uncomfortable situations with the population that I work with. But on the contrary, they are the most amazing group of "co-workers" that I could ask for. Kids truely do not care what you look like, just whether or not you give them the respect and support that they deserve. If you do this, your appearance will mean nothing.
I didn't exactly know this when I began teaching, but it was a welcome suprise! Most of my first day jitters included being nervous about how they would react. I have always been around kids and had just thought that those particular children were beyond their years and special, when they ignored my lack of hair and acted like I was a normal human being. Now they were special, but I have come to understand that the young mind is amazing and that kids are far more advanced than adults in the concept of caring about people for who they are and not what they look like. I learned my first year, to just explain my situation fully, not in "kid" language. They appreciate being talked to like adults and respond accordingly.
Although there were months on end where my students acted as though I was the most normal personal in the world and like they had forgotten that my bald head isn't the norm, they were also so comfortable with the situation that they would throw in a joke here and there. "Wow, Mrs. Brooks, you must save a lot of money on hair products!" or "Do you want to borrow my hat, it's cold outside." became fairly common comments. Wouldn't it be nice if adults would follow their lead? Kids have never made me feel uncomfortable about being bald and different. If they care enough about it, they will just ask, whereas adults will stare and whisper, thinking that they are being disgreet. Your not! I notice you! Stop!!! Take a tip from the 5 year old with you, and just ask! It still blows me away how easy it is to be me when kids are around! I have worked so hard to be comfortable with me, hair or not, and it has seemed to rub off on my kiddos. They too love me for me, and that is amazing!
I didn't exactly know this when I began teaching, but it was a welcome suprise! Most of my first day jitters included being nervous about how they would react. I have always been around kids and had just thought that those particular children were beyond their years and special, when they ignored my lack of hair and acted like I was a normal human being. Now they were special, but I have come to understand that the young mind is amazing and that kids are far more advanced than adults in the concept of caring about people for who they are and not what they look like. I learned my first year, to just explain my situation fully, not in "kid" language. They appreciate being talked to like adults and respond accordingly.
Although there were months on end where my students acted as though I was the most normal personal in the world and like they had forgotten that my bald head isn't the norm, they were also so comfortable with the situation that they would throw in a joke here and there. "Wow, Mrs. Brooks, you must save a lot of money on hair products!" or "Do you want to borrow my hat, it's cold outside." became fairly common comments. Wouldn't it be nice if adults would follow their lead? Kids have never made me feel uncomfortable about being bald and different. If they care enough about it, they will just ask, whereas adults will stare and whisper, thinking that they are being disgreet. Your not! I notice you! Stop!!! Take a tip from the 5 year old with you, and just ask! It still blows me away how easy it is to be me when kids are around! I have worked so hard to be comfortable with me, hair or not, and it has seemed to rub off on my kiddos. They too love me for me, and that is amazing!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
All Wrapped up with a Pretty Little Bow
So many things are coming up and even more things are coming to an end. This is a time for change in my family. The school year is coming to a close, meaning that in just a few weeks I will get to spend every minute of my day with my amazing son! I can't wait to wake up to a calm, quiet morning, go for long walks, take trips to the park and the zoo, play in the backyard with Maizy, and visit Joe at work. I absolutely love my job, but being a teacher would not be possible without the, much needed, time off. During the school year it is like having 100 sons and daughters, who have "other" parents as well. Although there are days where teaching is exhausting, every day is also extremely rewarding.
Just yesterday I was able to praise a student for doing great on a project, who I think may have never heard the words "I'm proud of you" before. The look of shock and then excitment that crossed his face was priceless and I will never forget it. I have had many moments like this throught the three years that I have been teaching, but this particular moment is so important because I have worked so hard this year to be better at what I do. Every year I learn so much more, and every year I grow as an educator. I'm proud of what I have become and who I have helped.
I'm also very excited for a mini-vacation that we are going to take with some friends. It will be so nice to get a change of scenery for a few days. It will also be nice for Liam to socialize with other little ones (not that he doesn't at daycare). I hope that the weather holds out and that it is as relaxing as I am hoping for. I'm also excited because a good friend of mine is going to have a baby! We are so excited for them and can't wait to meet the new addition to the posse. Another little one in the group! We are growing so fast! Pretty soon there will be so many of us that we could start out own football team (which I'm sure the dads would enjoy).
Things are going well at home as well. Joe and I are one payment away from paying off one of our student loans, we are eating healthier than ever, going on regular walks with Liam and Maizy, our families are all doing well, and I'm experimenting with a few possible hobbies. We are making it a point to expand our comfort levels: with food, activities, interests, etc. We have been in a bit of a rut for a while. Eating the same things for dinner, watching the same tv shows, even siting in the same places day in and day out. Now this may not seem like an issue, but we are tired of being boring! This doesn't mean that we are going to be on the go all the time, or that we are now going to go the opposite way, we still have a 1 year old at home and a very limited budget, so things will still be low-key. Just new and different!
I plan to take a few classes at the Y this summer. Luckily I have a few co-workers and some neighbors who have been trying to motivate me to do something active. During the summer, when I won't feel so guilty about leaving Liam for an hour or two, is the perfect time to get started. There are also big changes with Liam. He is now a confident, consistant walker. His personality is definately coming out more and more each day. He is turning into a kid! I can't believe how fast time goes and how quickly they change. So right now, CHANGE is my word, and change is good!
Just yesterday I was able to praise a student for doing great on a project, who I think may have never heard the words "I'm proud of you" before. The look of shock and then excitment that crossed his face was priceless and I will never forget it. I have had many moments like this throught the three years that I have been teaching, but this particular moment is so important because I have worked so hard this year to be better at what I do. Every year I learn so much more, and every year I grow as an educator. I'm proud of what I have become and who I have helped.
I'm also very excited for a mini-vacation that we are going to take with some friends. It will be so nice to get a change of scenery for a few days. It will also be nice for Liam to socialize with other little ones (not that he doesn't at daycare). I hope that the weather holds out and that it is as relaxing as I am hoping for. I'm also excited because a good friend of mine is going to have a baby! We are so excited for them and can't wait to meet the new addition to the posse. Another little one in the group! We are growing so fast! Pretty soon there will be so many of us that we could start out own football team (which I'm sure the dads would enjoy).
Things are going well at home as well. Joe and I are one payment away from paying off one of our student loans, we are eating healthier than ever, going on regular walks with Liam and Maizy, our families are all doing well, and I'm experimenting with a few possible hobbies. We are making it a point to expand our comfort levels: with food, activities, interests, etc. We have been in a bit of a rut for a while. Eating the same things for dinner, watching the same tv shows, even siting in the same places day in and day out. Now this may not seem like an issue, but we are tired of being boring! This doesn't mean that we are going to be on the go all the time, or that we are now going to go the opposite way, we still have a 1 year old at home and a very limited budget, so things will still be low-key. Just new and different!
I plan to take a few classes at the Y this summer. Luckily I have a few co-workers and some neighbors who have been trying to motivate me to do something active. During the summer, when I won't feel so guilty about leaving Liam for an hour or two, is the perfect time to get started. There are also big changes with Liam. He is now a confident, consistant walker. His personality is definately coming out more and more each day. He is turning into a kid! I can't believe how fast time goes and how quickly they change. So right now, CHANGE is my word, and change is good!
Monday, May 16, 2011
I'm Lucky that I'm already Bald!
Life is stressful for everyone. We all have times where we feel like our world is falling apart and we don't know how to fix it. The past month or so has been this time for me. There are so many reasons why I have been worried, exhausted, and on the brink of tears non-stop. I pride myself on being a strong person, who deals with things on a daily basis that others can't imagine. Don't get me wrong, I know everyone has issues, but mine are out for the world to see and sometimes the world seeing is all that I need to feel uncomfortable and sad. But I have moved past those feelings and have come out of it a very strong, self-aware person. I also know that I am a good person, who works hard to be caring and thoughtful of other people and their feelings.
But lately, knowing all of these things isn't enough to keep me together. I have been feeling pressure from so many places, that it is hard to even keep track! Because I am a third year teacher and budget cuts are looming, I don't know if I am going to have a job next year. With a one year old son at home and a degree that puts me into a very limited field (that isn't doing well anywhere) this is putting a great deal of stress in my everyday life. I'm so worried that I won't be able to support my son. There is a bright side to this issue though. If I make it through this year, I should be fairly secure. Also, if I am laid off then I always have subbing, and with being a teacher in the district for so long, I don't think that it would be difficult to find jobs. But the job security and steady pay checks are what I need now.
Also, I have had a great deal of personal stress associated with the relationships that I have. I have grown into a different person in the last year and so have a great deal of the people around me. Someone who I once thought was a dear friend, has said very hurtful things about me and my family and when I try to talk to her about it, she ignores my pleas. I just want to move on, but she has been holding me and my feelings hostige, by spreading hurtful words and then refusing to talk about it. I still stand behind every action that I have taken in this situation and I trust in my heart. I can only do so much, at some point it is up to her.
I still care about this person a lot, but I care about myself and my family more, and that is why I have given up on any change by her. I have to move on with my life and be a parent, a wife, and a friend to those who want my friendship. I can't worry about those who don't. I have realized in the past couple of days, how close to that black hole of depression I am and I refuse to go down it. I have decided to speak to a counsilor and work through the things that I can't change.
One thing about stress is that it can cause physical issues as well as emotional ones. In fact, alopecia has been directly related to stress. For this reason, I am so greatful that I have already lost all of my hair, because I am sure that I would be bald by now anyway. When I get really stressed I can "feel my hair falling out". My scalp teangles and I just know that my body is reacting. I have felt that a lot lately, but lucky for me, there are no effects!
I need to start thinking about the wonderful support group that I do have. The many friends that have stuck by me without judgement and do not cause drama. I need to surround myself with people who are with me through the long haul, not just when I follow their directions and do what they say. I need to pour every ounce of energy that I have into the students that I serve and my family who is the only reason that I am sane. I love you all and thank you so much for all that you do!
But lately, knowing all of these things isn't enough to keep me together. I have been feeling pressure from so many places, that it is hard to even keep track! Because I am a third year teacher and budget cuts are looming, I don't know if I am going to have a job next year. With a one year old son at home and a degree that puts me into a very limited field (that isn't doing well anywhere) this is putting a great deal of stress in my everyday life. I'm so worried that I won't be able to support my son. There is a bright side to this issue though. If I make it through this year, I should be fairly secure. Also, if I am laid off then I always have subbing, and with being a teacher in the district for so long, I don't think that it would be difficult to find jobs. But the job security and steady pay checks are what I need now.
Also, I have had a great deal of personal stress associated with the relationships that I have. I have grown into a different person in the last year and so have a great deal of the people around me. Someone who I once thought was a dear friend, has said very hurtful things about me and my family and when I try to talk to her about it, she ignores my pleas. I just want to move on, but she has been holding me and my feelings hostige, by spreading hurtful words and then refusing to talk about it. I still stand behind every action that I have taken in this situation and I trust in my heart. I can only do so much, at some point it is up to her.
I still care about this person a lot, but I care about myself and my family more, and that is why I have given up on any change by her. I have to move on with my life and be a parent, a wife, and a friend to those who want my friendship. I can't worry about those who don't. I have realized in the past couple of days, how close to that black hole of depression I am and I refuse to go down it. I have decided to speak to a counsilor and work through the things that I can't change.
One thing about stress is that it can cause physical issues as well as emotional ones. In fact, alopecia has been directly related to stress. For this reason, I am so greatful that I have already lost all of my hair, because I am sure that I would be bald by now anyway. When I get really stressed I can "feel my hair falling out". My scalp teangles and I just know that my body is reacting. I have felt that a lot lately, but lucky for me, there are no effects!
I need to start thinking about the wonderful support group that I do have. The many friends that have stuck by me without judgement and do not cause drama. I need to surround myself with people who are with me through the long haul, not just when I follow their directions and do what they say. I need to pour every ounce of energy that I have into the students that I serve and my family who is the only reason that I am sane. I love you all and thank you so much for all that you do!
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