Thursday, December 29, 2016

Home Study Hell

We have been in the adoption circle for less than 2 months and it has flown by. For the most part, it hasn't been too rough. Yes, a lot of paperwork. Yes, many appointments: fingerprinting, medical check-ups, psychological exams, welcome calls, etc. But up until now, it hasn't felt overwhelming. We have juggled the tasks pretty easily.

The hardest part of the beginning stages of adoption, the home study paperwork, is waiting on others to move on to the next task. All pieces are needed before you can be assigned a caseworker and schedule home visits. We have worked tirelessly to gather all of the needed paperwork, mail/email everything the moment it is complete, and finish all of the assigned classes as quickly as possible. The home study is a huge hurdle for all adoptive families, and it has been the most stressful piece for Joe and I. The home study is all that is standing between us and a full match with our daughter. She is ours, no one else can adopt her, but our match is contingent on our completed home study. I have compete faith that we will pass without a hitch, but to us, this feels similar to the first trimester of pregnancy.

We are waiting on one thing. One piece which should not be the last piece, because it should have been one of the easiest parts. Our medical records. Joe had his appointment the last week of November and he got a call a week later saying his paperwork was done. I went in for my appointment the first week of December. Afterward, I waited patiently, knowing that there were snow days and other things on my doctor's plate. After two weeks with no response, I called. This was when I learned that my doctor had forgotten to order one of the tests needed to sign off on my health. The Tuberculosis test.

Image result for someecards adoptionFirst of all, she didn't contact me about the missed test, I had to call her office to find out. Second, the test takes 48 hours to complete. A bit of inactive Tuberculosis virus is inserted under the skin, then you have to wait two days for the doctor to look for a reaction to the virus, which indicates that you have been exposed. Because I contacted the doctor's office on Wednesday and the medical office would be closed both Friday and Monday for Christmas, I was not able to do the test until Tuesday of this week. Today I went back to have my body's reaction checked. I waited all day to hear back from my doctor. Nothing. At four o'clock I called to check on the status of the paperwork and was told it was done and I could pick it up at the front desk. Great! Why didn't anyone contact me? But, great!

As I was about to walk out of the door to pick it up and then immediately mail it to Holt, when my phone rang. It was my doctor's office. They had noticed that the paperwork required a notary which did not expire for at least two years and said that the notary on staff was only able to go through March of 2017. We quickly checked the notary date on Joe's paperwork and saw March 2017, which makes all of his paperwork invalid to the Korean court.

Joe and I spent the next two hours trying to track down a notary who is mobile and has an expiration date of at least two years. This was not an easy task, but we finally found one. Unfortunately, now we have to pay $110 that we didn't expect to pay, so they can come out to our doctor's office and notarize all of our forms. We also have to deal with the schedules of two doctors and a notary, to make sure that they are all ready and able to meet at the same time. On top of all of this, Joe's paperwork has to be completely redone. Another week or two of waiting for an "easy step".

I have learned so much through these past two months. The biggest of these lessons: never give yourself a self-imposed deadline. Joe and I have worked hard to have our home study paperwork done by Christmas. That was our goal. It did not happen. We will likely end up close to three weeks past our self-imposed deadline and that is a difficult pill to swallow. If we have learned anything from those who have gone before us, it is that adoption is an unpredictable process and no one's timeline or experience is the same- kind of like pregnancy. I have also learned that a week or two either way, can completely change your timeline.

We want our daughter home. We want her here for the 2017 holiday season (self-imposed deadline-I know, bad news!!). Today, I am impatient and frustrated. Tomorrow, I will be those things a little bit less. I hope. I will always be thankful for finding our daughter. From this point on, I will try to focus on that.

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