Before getting pregnant with baby #2, I was worried about how having more than one child would effect our family. I have always known that I want more than one, but after having Liam it seemed so scary to have to share my time with him with another baby as well. This was a driving factor when it came to waiting. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of Liam not being the only person that I cared about that much. Ever since the day he was born, all I have wanted to do is be with him. It was very hard to imagine him not getting 100% of my time and effort.
It wasn't until the other night, that I realized that it isn't Liam that I have to worry about. The baby boy in my tummy is so far, getting the shaft! When I was pregnant with Liam, it was a common, nightly ritual to take a long bath. I thought of this as my time with my unborn baby. I talked to him, was able to really focus on his movements, and was finally able to relieve some of the pressure of carrying a baby. I felt so connected to him before he was even here. Although we still didn't have a name to call him, I KNEW him.
A couple of nights ago, I was actually lucky enough to find the time to take a quick bath. I realized that this was one of just a handful that I have taken since becoming pregnant. While laying in the tub, talking to this baby, it occurred to me that I don't "know" this baby like I did Liam. I don't talk to him as often as I did with Liam and I feel less connected some how.
Maybe this is why the middle child tends to be nuts. He is already getting the shorter end of the stick. This is just one example of the inequalities this baby has in store. Liam came into this world with his own room, decorated and filled with things, just for him. He has experienced two and a half years of being the only thing that we worry about. Unfortunately for the baby in my belly, this will not be the case for him. He will share space, clothes, toys, and attention with his big brother.
I should have never worried about how hard it would be to take attention away from Liam, I should have been worrying about how I would find the time, effort, and energy to give attention to my gummy bear. I know that when this little guy enters the world, things will be different and the connection, love, time, and attention will just come. But the idea that this baby is already being deprived of something that Liam received without hesitation makes me sad.
I love you gummy bear, and I will be sure to take more baths between now and when you arrive......I promise!