Saturday, April 16, 2011

On a Speeding Train

Today is my son's first birthday! One year ago today, I met the LOVE of my life. When that day began, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew that I would love the little person who had been growing in my belly, and I knew that my life would never be the same. But the meaning behind these words is not even close to describing what happened the moment that I looked in to my little man's eyes. I heard the song "Beautiful Boy" by John Lennon the second I saw him and the words in that song describe so much of what I feel. My life is so different and I would not change one single thing about it! My life before Liam was wonderful and perfect for who I was then, but my life would no longer be complete without him. In fact, he IS my life now and I am so proud of that!
When I was pregnant I knew that things would change and that I would "miss out" on some of the things that I enjoyed, now I know that what has changed is me and what I now enjoy. Making my son laugh, watching him learn, seeing him sleep, and coming home to his excited panting and reaching is now all I want. This has been the case for a whole year now and I can't believe it. There are times when it feels like Liam has been here forever and I can't remember who I was before him, and then there are times when the day he was born seems as if it were yesterday. Today, I have experienced both feelings multiple times.
It is the most amazing and sad feeling to be at this point. Amazing because I love who he is becoming and what he has done to change me, and sad because I am not ready for him to grow up and it is happening right before my eyes. Being a parent is the hardest, scariest, and most rewarding thing that I have and will ever do and I am so proud of how naturally my husband and I have fallen into the jobs. I know that I will and have already made many mistakes, but we are learning fast and my son's happy, calm demeanor tells me we are doing something right. Everyone (even strangers) comment about how happy and relaxed he is and although I can't take full credit, I know that the way we are with him has something to do with that. As we put my son to bed tonight, I couldn't help but get teary-eyed and be a little sad that the first year of his life is already over, but I know that if he has improved our lives this much in one year, just imagine how happy we will be when he is grown. I love you more than anyone and anything my sweet boy!

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