An Old Lady vs. Embarrassed Driver

Joe told me a story yesterday about something that happened to him earlier. He was taking a walk while on a break at work and he had to stop at a crosswalk to let traffic pass. While he was waiting an elderly woman (he estimates as being in her 80's or 90's) walked up and also waited for the cars to pass and the walk signal to change. When it did, they both starting walking across the street. When they were almost to the other side a waiting car lurched forward just a bit. Apparently, the elderly woman began to scream (not mutter or yell, but scream) obcenities at the driver while flailing her arms in the air.
The driver was not the only one who was shocked. This little old lady, hunched and a slow-mover, was using some pretty rough language and was livid that the driver has "almost hit" her. Everyone around stopped and watched and the driver looked like he was about to pee himself (according to Joe). But what was Joe doing?! Trying his hardest not to begin laughing hysterically, worried that she would then turn on him.
This got me thinking about old age and how a-like it is to being young. It is what I would like to call the bell curve effect of life. When you are young you can and say anything that you think. No inhibitions or worries about others' feelings. Old age seems to have this same effect on the elderly. They don't care what they say or who they say it to.We also deal with these outbusts in the same way. We do one of two things when a child/older person says something we find rude or out of the ordinary. We either snicker as quietly as possible because we know we should not condone their actions, but it is just so cute we can't help it, or we give them a stern look and try to explain to them why what they said was wrong. Either way, they continue to say what they want.
I want to be that way when I'm older. I have spent a lot of my life not saying things, and I would like to think that someday, I will be able to say whatever I feel without a care in the world! I don't want to do this because I want to hurt people. I want to do it because I know that I can say exactly what I think, and my family and friends will just right it off as the words of a "crazy old lady".

Expect the Unexpected

Many years ago, when I was still in high school, I was approached by a woman at a fair. She gave me the look that I am so used to and before she began to talk, I was already preparing myself to tell her "No, it's not cancer. I have Alopecia. Then I would explain what Alopecia is and she would say, "Oh, well, I have a friend/family member/acquaintance that has cancer.....yada yada yada. But this conversation went differently than most had. She asked me if I had Alopecia and told me that her young daughter (who was hiding in the distance) had it too. She explained to me how excited she had been to see me and that she couldn't wait to tell her daughter that we shared this wonderful auto-immune connection. I was so confused! This had NEVER happened before. In the 10ish years that I had been dealing with Alopecia, I had never met anyone who didn't think it was cancer, let alone someone who actually knew what it was like.
The little girl and I struck up a friendship and went to dinner/lunch a few times. She was very shy and very sweet. The last time that I saw her and her mom, she told me that I had been her greatest role model. That before me, she thought that alopecia was something to hide from. I was so proud and touched by these comments. Then I went off to college and we lost contact. I was reminded of her today, when a new co-worker walked up to me with that oh-so familiar look and a "Can I ask you something?". Again, I prepared the usual answers, but again, I was surprised. She too asked if I have Alopecia and when I said yes she told me about her son who also has it.
She too, made comments about how excited she was to talk to her son about me and how I show it off. She talked a lot about the Alopecia conventions that are all over the U.S. and about how much support there is at them. We talked a lot about the lack of support groups here in the northwest, which made me think, once again, of the plans that I have had in the past to get some sort of group together close to home. This is now my goal. I want to help those who struggle with this disease. I want to help them see that it is nothing to be ashamed of and to help educate those "cancer questioners".
For me Alopecia has been a blessing, not a curse and I want to help others see it that way too.

The Agony of it All!

I hate this time of year! The next three months are going to be horrible! The holidays are the busiest and most taxing for me. No one thinks about me or how I'm feeling right about now. They are running around enjoying holiday parties and treats and then use me when they feel guilty. I can't believe that there is a whole bag of Costco candy in the cupboard, do they really think that that is a good idea? They always get too much candy and I think that they do it on purpose just to torture me!
Not only does everyone rely on me to make them feel better about themselves, but they never think about the difficulties and pain that they cause me in the process. I don't know why people always come to me anyway. I'm not good at comforting people and I tend to make everyone feel worse when they visit me. I wish that everyone would take a second, think about what their doing, and learn some self control, because someday they will wear me out and I won't be able to comfort or (in most cases) frustrate them any more. But guess what?! They will just replace me anyway. That's me- abuse me and then replace me. What a troubled and tormented life I lead!

These have been the thoughts/feelings of my bathroom scale.

Pain has it's Advantages

Yesterday, I had one of my tattoos touched up. It is so funny how the things that bring us so much joy once they are here for good, tend to be the most painful, excruciating things to get through. This is true with tattoos, child birth, weight loss/exercise, job interviews, (in my experience) cooking, school....and the list goes on and on! Strange! Another weird connection- you tend to forget how grueling the process for each of these was. You only remeber the "good" parts- your beautiful baby, the slim jeans, the amazing job with benefits, etc., until you are in that situation again and then it all comes rushing back!!
Moral of the story: nothing worth anything comes without discomfort.
"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

The Dilemma

Happy Halloween! A bit late, I know. But I hope it was a good one anyway. Over the weekend Joe and I experienced one of those unexplainable parenting situations. On Sunday Liam went down for a nap, completely healthy. In fact, he was feeling better than he has in weeks: no runny nose, cough, fever....nothing! But when he woke up two hours later he had this horrible cough. Yesterday when I picked up Liam from daycare, his cough had gotten a lot worse. I was already planning to call the doctor, but decided to take Liam home for a nap and make the appointment for the afternoon. Well that didn't work! When we got home Liam said that he wanted some milk, so I was in the process of pouring the milk when he started to cough. He coughed so much that he couldn't breathe for a second, which made him upset, which made him cry, which made it so he couldn't breathe....and so on. So long story short, I took him the the doctor right then and there and was told that he has croup. If you don't know what croup is, it is inflamation in the windpipe that mades it difficult to sleep, eat, and is accompanied with a "barking", horrible cough. They gave him medicine and I took him home for a nap.
The dilemma comes with the fact that it was Halloween night and Liam (and yes, his parents) had been looking forward to his first real trick-or-treating experience. Should we take him or not? Well, he didn't feel the greatest, but the doctor said cold air could help the cough! I took today off to stay home with him, but he looks so cute in his pirate costume! What to do? Well, we took him and it was great! He had so much fun and the cold air really did help his cough! He slept better last night than he has in a week or so.
This was the first real situation where I had to weigh the "parental" decision, with the "but I want to go!" decision, and the child in me won! I am so glad that it did. We made lots of memories and Liam actually seems to feel better (which I am sure, is due more to the steriods that they gave him than the cold walk we took knocking on strangers doors). Hey, if my delusion helps me justify taking a sick kid trick-or-treating, oh well! The scary thought is that this won't be the last situation where I have to weight the "want to's" with the "should do's", and I just hope that I don't make selfish decisions at the wrong time. Being a parent is hard!

TMI

This morning I got a text from my childcare provider explaining that she has the stomache flu and that she won't be able to watch my little guy today. She also explained what symptoms she was having and then ended with "TMI, I know." I thought that this was interesting, because I just realized that there is no such thing anymore. Once you have a kiddo you want to know ALL the info. It is almost imparative that you know everything that could be heading your way. Once your dinner conversation (with friends, mind you) consists of how many BMs your child is having a day and whether or not they are "normal", there is no going back! TMI doesn't exist to mommies.
Not only do we want to know all the facts, but we are no longer the squeamish, delicate young ladies we once were. Now we are tough, willing participants in conversations that once would have made us roll our eyes in disgust and made our stomaches lurch at the thought. Poop, vomit, rashes, snot, drool, etc. all topics that I actually enjoy discussing now. Weird! I guess I am over the TMI phase of my life. : )
                                          

I'll take one time machine please!

The longer I am a mommy, the more I wish we could have lived in the past. I know that the 50's wasn't all "I Love Lucy" and "Leave it to Beaver", but there are things about that time period that really make me wish I lived then. I would love to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. Where everyone watches out for you and your family, and you really get to know your neighbors. I know that these things are possible in this day and age too, but it seems like our goals and expectations are so different. As I have discussed before, we got rid of internet and cable (I have internet at work, so I'm not completely cut-off), but sometimes I think I would like to do even more.
Joe and I have been tossing around the idea of getting rid of our cell phones and just go back to a home phone. The idea that people can't get a hold of me twenty four hours a day, seems almost magical! Now I know that cell phones have their good points too (safety, convience) hense why this hasn't been done yet, but there are also so many up sides! I'm not someone who goes crazy about every little thing that they say will give you cancer or make you sick, but the research about cell phones and the possible side effects of using them are pretty compelling to me. Also, I think about the money we would save. Home phones are extremely cheap and cells are not.
We have also discussed down-sizing to one car. Since Joe's car is already paid off, this really wouldn't help with a car payment, but the money we would save on car insurance and gas would be great. This idea is less plausible since I can't give up my car since I transport Liam to and from daycare each day and Joe would have a hard time without a car since he works at 5:30 am and not many busses run that early. But I still think that it could be do-able.
Going back to a much simpler time seems so inviting! We spend far too much time and money on things that don't matter in the least. People went without three cars a household and cell phones for a very long time, and I'm sure that we could go without as well. Now if I could just convince my pesky husband!