The Agony of it All!

I hate this time of year! The next three months are going to be horrible! The holidays are the busiest and most taxing for me. No one thinks about me or how I'm feeling right about now. They are running around enjoying holiday parties and treats and then use me when they feel guilty. I can't believe that there is a whole bag of Costco candy in the cupboard, do they really think that that is a good idea? They always get too much candy and I think that they do it on purpose just to torture me!
Not only does everyone rely on me to make them feel better about themselves, but they never think about the difficulties and pain that they cause me in the process. I don't know why people always come to me anyway. I'm not good at comforting people and I tend to make everyone feel worse when they visit me. I wish that everyone would take a second, think about what their doing, and learn some self control, because someday they will wear me out and I won't be able to comfort or (in most cases) frustrate them any more. But guess what?! They will just replace me anyway. That's me- abuse me and then replace me. What a troubled and tormented life I lead!

These have been the thoughts/feelings of my bathroom scale.

Pain has it's Advantages

Yesterday, I had one of my tattoos touched up. It is so funny how the things that bring us so much joy once they are here for good, tend to be the most painful, excruciating things to get through. This is true with tattoos, child birth, weight loss/exercise, job interviews, (in my experience) cooking, school....and the list goes on and on! Strange! Another weird connection- you tend to forget how grueling the process for each of these was. You only remeber the "good" parts- your beautiful baby, the slim jeans, the amazing job with benefits, etc., until you are in that situation again and then it all comes rushing back!!
Moral of the story: nothing worth anything comes without discomfort.
"The pain passes, but the beauty remains." - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

The Dilemma

Happy Halloween! A bit late, I know. But I hope it was a good one anyway. Over the weekend Joe and I experienced one of those unexplainable parenting situations. On Sunday Liam went down for a nap, completely healthy. In fact, he was feeling better than he has in weeks: no runny nose, cough, fever....nothing! But when he woke up two hours later he had this horrible cough. Yesterday when I picked up Liam from daycare, his cough had gotten a lot worse. I was already planning to call the doctor, but decided to take Liam home for a nap and make the appointment for the afternoon. Well that didn't work! When we got home Liam said that he wanted some milk, so I was in the process of pouring the milk when he started to cough. He coughed so much that he couldn't breathe for a second, which made him upset, which made him cry, which made it so he couldn't breathe....and so on. So long story short, I took him the the doctor right then and there and was told that he has croup. If you don't know what croup is, it is inflamation in the windpipe that mades it difficult to sleep, eat, and is accompanied with a "barking", horrible cough. They gave him medicine and I took him home for a nap.
The dilemma comes with the fact that it was Halloween night and Liam (and yes, his parents) had been looking forward to his first real trick-or-treating experience. Should we take him or not? Well, he didn't feel the greatest, but the doctor said cold air could help the cough! I took today off to stay home with him, but he looks so cute in his pirate costume! What to do? Well, we took him and it was great! He had so much fun and the cold air really did help his cough! He slept better last night than he has in a week or so.
This was the first real situation where I had to weigh the "parental" decision, with the "but I want to go!" decision, and the child in me won! I am so glad that it did. We made lots of memories and Liam actually seems to feel better (which I am sure, is due more to the steriods that they gave him than the cold walk we took knocking on strangers doors). Hey, if my delusion helps me justify taking a sick kid trick-or-treating, oh well! The scary thought is that this won't be the last situation where I have to weight the "want to's" with the "should do's", and I just hope that I don't make selfish decisions at the wrong time. Being a parent is hard!

TMI

This morning I got a text from my childcare provider explaining that she has the stomache flu and that she won't be able to watch my little guy today. She also explained what symptoms she was having and then ended with "TMI, I know." I thought that this was interesting, because I just realized that there is no such thing anymore. Once you have a kiddo you want to know ALL the info. It is almost imparative that you know everything that could be heading your way. Once your dinner conversation (with friends, mind you) consists of how many BMs your child is having a day and whether or not they are "normal", there is no going back! TMI doesn't exist to mommies.
Not only do we want to know all the facts, but we are no longer the squeamish, delicate young ladies we once were. Now we are tough, willing participants in conversations that once would have made us roll our eyes in disgust and made our stomaches lurch at the thought. Poop, vomit, rashes, snot, drool, etc. all topics that I actually enjoy discussing now. Weird! I guess I am over the TMI phase of my life. : )
                                          

I'll take one time machine please!

The longer I am a mommy, the more I wish we could have lived in the past. I know that the 50's wasn't all "I Love Lucy" and "Leave it to Beaver", but there are things about that time period that really make me wish I lived then. I would love to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. Where everyone watches out for you and your family, and you really get to know your neighbors. I know that these things are possible in this day and age too, but it seems like our goals and expectations are so different. As I have discussed before, we got rid of internet and cable (I have internet at work, so I'm not completely cut-off), but sometimes I think I would like to do even more.
Joe and I have been tossing around the idea of getting rid of our cell phones and just go back to a home phone. The idea that people can't get a hold of me twenty four hours a day, seems almost magical! Now I know that cell phones have their good points too (safety, convience) hense why this hasn't been done yet, but there are also so many up sides! I'm not someone who goes crazy about every little thing that they say will give you cancer or make you sick, but the research about cell phones and the possible side effects of using them are pretty compelling to me. Also, I think about the money we would save. Home phones are extremely cheap and cells are not.
We have also discussed down-sizing to one car. Since Joe's car is already paid off, this really wouldn't help with a car payment, but the money we would save on car insurance and gas would be great. This idea is less plausible since I can't give up my car since I transport Liam to and from daycare each day and Joe would have a hard time without a car since he works at 5:30 am and not many busses run that early. But I still think that it could be do-able.
Going back to a much simpler time seems so inviting! We spend far too much time and money on things that don't matter in the least. People went without three cars a household and cell phones for a very long time, and I'm sure that we could go without as well. Now if I could just convince my pesky husband!

Hard times? Whatever!

I have been working part-time for about two months now and will be receiving my second "small" paycheck next week. So guess what?! In the past month we had to have a tree trimmed (when I say trimmed I mean hacked to pieces), an electrician out, and now someone hit my car! Last week Liam and I went to Joe's work to have lunch with him. We parked in the parking garage across the street and were gone about an hour and a half. When we went to leave, there it was……a series of scratches from the tire to the end of the car along the bumper. It looked terrible! We looked everywhere and no note, so when I was leaving I told the attendant and they said that no one talked to them. What a jerk! I can't believe that someone would hit a stranger's car and just leave! Well, I guess I can, there are people who do a lot owrse. But still, Jerk!
Joe took the car to a body shop that very day and they buffed-out a lot of the damage, but the bumper still looks horrible. They also told us that because the area that was damaged is part of a piece that circles the whole car, they would charge over $700 dollars to fix it. We really can't afford to pay that much and I don't really care whether or not we have a scratched car, but we are still making payments on it and the scratches definitely bring the value of the car down. Luckily our insurance will kick in as an un-insured driver and the deductable is only $300. But what else can possibly go wrong! I feel like my part-time situation is being sabotaged! We haven't had to do anything to the house since we moved in (except a new washer and dryer), until the last month.
Whatever! I'm home with my baby boy and everything else will work itself out! Right??

What's important?! Oh, how to decide!

I'm a couple of months in to working part-time and I absolutely LOVE everything about it! I'm the best teacher I can be (when at school), I'm the best mom and wife I can be (when at home), and I'm not absolutely exhausted like I was last year. I know that this is what is best for my son, my students, and for me. But, is it what's best for our family in the long run? Since going to part-time the pay checks are looking pretty small. Shouldn't be a surprise, huh? Well it wasn't, and we are doing great with our budget. But lately I have been thinking about all of the other things that I, Joe, and (some day) our kids will want to do. I know that everyone wants things and that there is always something that would be better, but I can't decide if one or two of those "wants" are worth going back to work full-time next year. The scary thing is that next year my school district will most likely make me choose to come back full-time or give up half of my position and become part-time permanently. Both of these options scare me! I do not want to go back to full-time, and now that I know what it's like to have less stress and more energy and time with my little guy, I don't know if I even could go back. But cutting back my hours permanently is stressful too, because then my options for full-time in the future are gone until budgets get better.
Choices...choices........