Bath Time = Bonding Time

Before getting pregnant with baby #2, I was worried about how having more than one child would effect our family. I have always known that I want more than one, but after having Liam it seemed so scary to have to share my time with him with another baby as well. This was a driving factor when it came to waiting. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of Liam not being the only person that I cared about that much. Ever since the day he was born, all I have wanted to do is be with him. It was very hard to imagine him not getting 100% of my time and effort.
It wasn't until the other night, that I realized that it isn't Liam that I have to worry about. The baby boy in my tummy is so far, getting the shaft! When I was pregnant with Liam, it was a common, nightly ritual to take a long bath. I thought of this as my time with my unborn baby. I talked to him, was able to really focus on his movements, and was finally able to relieve some of the pressure of carrying a baby. I felt so connected to him before he was even here. Although we still didn't have a name to call him, I KNEW him.
A couple of nights ago, I was actually lucky enough to find the time to take a quick bath. I realized that this was one of just a handful that I have taken since becoming pregnant. While laying in the tub, talking to this baby, it occurred to me that I don't "know" this baby like I did Liam. I don't talk to him as often as I did with Liam and I feel less connected some how.
Maybe this is why the middle child tends to be nuts. He is already getting the shorter end of the stick. This is just one example of the inequalities this baby has in store. Liam came into this world with his own room, decorated and filled with things, just for him. He has experienced two and a half years of being the only thing that we worry about. Unfortunately for the baby in my belly, this will not be the case for him. He will share space, clothes, toys, and attention with his big brother.
I should have never worried about how hard it would be to take attention away from Liam, I should have been worrying about how I would find the time, effort, and energy to give attention to my gummy bear. I know that when this little guy enters the world, things will be different and the connection, love, time, and attention will just come. But the idea that this baby is already being deprived of something that Liam received without hesitation makes me sad.
I love you gummy bear, and I will be sure to take more baths between now and when you arrive......I promise!

Dessert Hoarders

Joe and I recently realized that we are dessert hoarders. Although we have been this way for years, we just noticed that we don't even share with our son! We have gotten into the habit of waiting until Liam is tucked, safely into bed and the house is quiet before pulling out whatever yummy treat we have any given evening. It was a bit of a shock the other day, when I made pumpkin cheesecake bars, gave Liam one before he went to bed, and thought about how excited he was. My thoughts, "We have dessert all the time. Why is this such a big deal?!" Then it dawned on us......WE eat dessert all the time, LIAM does not.

The dessert that cause the epiphany 

At first, I tried to rationalize what we have been doing. Saying things like, "Well, it's not good for him to have so much sugar." and "We are just making sure he fills up on healthy, nutritious foods. We're the ones who are really missing out." Then I realized that we are full of crap! We wait until he goes to bed because #1- we don't want to share and #2- we see that as our quiet, kid-free meal of the day.
This realization brought back memories of a terrible feeling I had about a year ago. I discussed my horrible habit in a post titled Stealing Candy from My Baby. It's so funny how I am more willing to share everything about my life (my bed, my tv, my free time, my potty breaks, etc) with my two foot tall monster, but I unknowingly and selfishly have kept this one amazingly yummy piece of my life for myself. Oh well, I guess I'm not the perfect mom (as if I ever thought that it was a possibility).

News Station or Rumor Patrol?

Teenagers can be so mean, cruel, and gossipy. Adults scold them for this behavior, but then they call it newsworthy. A local news station has been running a "story" about a teen that may or may not wear a mask in the hallways, dresses strangely, and acts abnormal. Have none of these people ever entered a middle school?! Well, I have! I teach in one, and these things are not abnormal, nor are they newsworthy.

This teen possibly has a "hit-list" and (once again) may or may not making stabbing motions when walking through the halls. Even the students that the news station interviewed said, "I heard that he....." and "....but it may be just rumors." It even says these words in the story that is posted on the website. Even the school is not admitting to any wrong doing by the student, in fact they said that they "asked the student to stay home from school today." If there is any evidence of a real threat, schools don't ask the student to stay home! They  would have suspended or expelled the student immediately.

As a parent and a teacher, I believe that we should all be made aware of real threats, but to put hearsay and speculation on the news for all to hear is not right. All I know about this story is what the news station is reporting, but I for one don't think that they have enough to report on to ruin this student's reputation. If they are wrong or are blowing this out of proportion, think of the life this poor kid has in front of him. Not only are his peers going to harass him (probably more than before), but now parents, and KATU viewers as well.

There has been a huge focus on anti-bullying campaigns both in schools and out, but this sure seems like people jumping to conclusions about a boy because he is different. Maybe I'm wrong, but that seems a lot like bullying. As I said, I don't know the specifics of this situation, and maybe this boy is a threat. But I just think that there should be a line between facts and guesses, and that what airs on the news should only fall under the first category.

If you would like to read what little information KATU has on this story, here is the link:

http://www.katu.com/news/local/Student-who-was-causing-concern-at-school-told-to-stay-home-171209131.html

Pretty Toes

Not too long ago, there was a big uproar about an advertisement where a mom was painting her son's toe nails. So many people felt that this was an issue important enough to publicly complain about it and even demand that the ad be removed. What is the world coming to, when you can;t just not look at the ad if you don't like it?! Why is it such a big deal to people if a little boy wants to wear nail polish? I thought the hoopla surrounding the advertisement was nuts.
The other day, Liam saw my blue painted toes and asked if I would paint his for him. I said, "Sure." To which his daddy admittedly disagreed. He made a comment like, "Boy's don't wear nail polish, that's for girls!" This was infuriating to me. Maybe it's because of all of the family/child/gender studies classes that I took in college, but I could see that my husband was imposing a horrible stereotype on my son right in front of me, and I was having none of it.
When Liam went to bed, we talked about it. Soon Joe agreed that it really isn't an issue if he wants his nails painted, but he said that he still just had this inner voice telling him it was not ok. It was then that I realized how ingrained these gender stereotypes are. He was firmly against it earlier in the night without really knowing why. It was just the "feeling" that he had when it was brought up.
I think that it is so strange that when girls like "boy things" (trucks, climbing trees, playing sports) it's not "proper", but it's ok. She's just a Tom Boy, but when a boy likes "girl things" there is something wrong that needs to be fixed. Liam's favorite toy from his first birthday on, was a pink shopping cart that he picked out with his birthday money from his Great Grandma D. Even then, Joe was unsure of this being an acceptable purchase.

It will take a lot of time, but I hope that we learn to reprogram ourselves, so this isn't as much of an issue as it has been. Liam is a boy, who plays with "boy things", but I believe it is perfectly normal for him to want to play with any toy. We are the ones putting the gender label on it, to him it's just a toy. To end this post, I will share that Liam got his painted toe nails. They are red (the color of his choosing), and he is quite proud of them. Telling everyone he sees that he has "pretty toes!"

An Involuntary Vegetarian

My whole life I have been what I can, a half-way vegetarian. I love pork, turkey, and chicken, but have never been too interested in beef, seafood, or any other meat for that matter. I refuse to eat things like deer, elk, lamb, etc. for personal reasons, but have never gone 100% meatless. Although I have very few choices, meat is almost always on our home menu in some way or another. Until this month that is.....

My blue gummy bear has made it quite clear that he is a vegetarian and that he strongly believes that I should follow suit. I have tried all of my favorites and they have taken turns making me feel nauseous. First it was just chicken. I have always been a bit of texture snob when it comes to my food, but the stringy, chewy texture of chicken made me sick for days. Then I made jambalaya for the first time. I was so excited about the sausage and shrimp (the only kind of seafood I have ever been able to swallow). But the ended even worse! I had a whole crock pot full of, what I'm sure was a delicious meal, but all I could taste and smell was the shrimp and my baby boy was not happy. Next it was ground turkey in our pasta, then turkey burgers from the BBQ, who know what's next!

All that's left are sausages (which even at this very moment sounds disgusting) and bacon. Otherwise, I have become a full blown vegetarian thanks to the little guy who now rules my body. My diet is dwindling, my husband is having a difficult time w/o meat, and my son misses his chicken nuggets. : ( 

Even as I add this picture, my stomach churns!

A Gender Reveal, Laced with Guilt

I may sound like a horrible, terrible, very bad mother during this post, but I want to be honest about my feelings and my pregnancy, so here goes!
For the past week or so I've been a little anxious about finding out the gender of baby #2. Yesterday was the big day, and by the time I woke up I had all but decided not to find out what we were having. I wanted to know so I could prepare for this little one, but it made me worried that I would end up being disappointed with the outcome.
To understand why, you need to know a little back story. Joe and I agreed long, long ago that we were only going to conceive two babies of our own. I have always wanted to adopt older children, and we agreed that stopping at two with the making of babies would be best. Although I wasn't completely on board with two at the beginning, after having Liam and dealing with all of the stress and emotions I felt with him, I have whole heartily-agreed. In fact, Joe was the one who had to convince me to have two!
The drive to the ultrasound was stressful and packed with racing thoughts. Knowing that this would be our last gender ultrasound, that whatever gender this baby ended up being was what we had for life, made me so scared! What if I was disappointed? What if I cried? I will feel like such a horrible mom!
With Liam gender didn't really matter to us, we have always wanted one of each, so he was just the first of two. We were thrilled to be having a little man, and I was so sad that I might not feel the same way about the gender of my gummy bear. I should be happy with any healthy baby that was growing inside me, and my biggest fear was that my heart would not agree.
I thought about the dirty looks I would get from the ultrasound tech., the "Oh, I'm so sorry!" from my friends and coworkers who knew about my hopes for one of each, and it was almost unbearable! On the way there, I told Joe I didn't want to know, but when we discussed why not, he told me that he felt the same way. That he was worried he would be disappointed too. But then he brought up a good point, this baby, boy or girl, will be ours and some day we won't even remember feeling this way, because we will love them for who they are.
This made me feel a great deal better, and we decided to find out. When the ultrasound tech. asked if we wanted to know, we both said, "Yes!". Before she could even tell us, I knew. The tell-tale body part that I saw on Liam's ultrasound was plain as day. We were having another boy!

I will admit, I felt a bit of a let down for about 30 seconds, but then an amazing thing happened. The baby started to move. I could feel it and see it. He is beautiful, just like his brother! I have to say that I am mourning the girl section at the store and shopping trips with my little girly-girl just a bit, but I already love this little one, just the way HE is!

Potty Training Tips

After the crazy success of my post sharing tips about how to get your little one to sleep in a big boy bed, I thought that it would be a wonderful idea to share what I have learned about potty training as well. The transition from crib to big boy bed was almost flawless and easier than I had expected, but potty training has been a bit more of a process. There has been a great deal of trial and error, discussions with friends, and some reading on the subject too.
We started the long process way back in March. I thought (naively) that it could be done during my one week spring break. It went very well. In fact, he had no accidents for most of the week. But I didn't realize how much of potty training is truly up to the parent, and once I went back to work and he went back to daycare, I realized that we were not able to be consistent enough for him to be successful.
We kept talking about it, rewarded him if he went in the potty, and tried to stay as positive as possible, but I quickly realized that if I were home, it would be far easier to keep him on track. So we somewhat let it go, with the plan to come back to it in June when I was finished with school. Of course, life got in the way, and once again it was pushed back due to my laziness and lack of consistency.
Although it took me quite a while to get to this point, I knew that I wanted to get Liam out of diapers before his baby brother or sister arrives, I also knew that at least starting the process while I was at home would help us get a head start. I finally got serious about it and got my husband 100% on board, the week before I was to head back to work.
So far we have been doing very well. We have gone almost a week with no diapers (other than at bedtime), and have had only a handful of accidents, even while he is at daycare. I know that we have quite a way to go, but I also know that we are making progress, and that we are much farther than we were a few weeks ago.
Below are some tips that worked for us. Once again, I'm sure that there are more ideas out there, I understand that some things work for some kids/parents when they won't work for others, and I also realize that some people don't have a lot of time at home, but I thought I would share what we learned.

* Wait until they are really ready: I think part of our issue was that we tried too soon for his body. Our pediatrician said that you know they are ready if they wake up in the morning with dry diapers consistently. We saw one or two and thought, "We're ready, lets try!" It didn't work out for us, until it was more like one or two wet diapers a week in the morning.

* Offer treats when they use the potty/tell you they need to use the potty: We had a couple of big issues when we got to this tip. Issue one- we had a difficult time finding a treat that would be exciting enough, that he would want it over and over again. We had to change it up pretty often. Issue two- we started out giving M&M's for treats. One for pee and two for poop. It wasn't long before we realized that kids use the toilet a lot and that we were not comfortable giving him so much candy. The remedy for both of these issues was finding some recipes for healthy, yummy snacks to give to him instead. I chose to make yogurt melts and homemade fruit snacks. We alternated so that he wouldn't get bored, and by making them myself, I felt as though it was a healthier choice. We also tried to give him a potty toy for a successful week, but that seemed too difficult and he quickly lost interest. Maybe if the time period were shorter, it would work better. Who knows!

* Give them something to do while sitting: This is a great tip, but with some serious downsides. At the beginning, we filled a basket with books and magazines for Liam and I to read while he was using the potty. This was a great way to introduce the potty routine, but it also created the issue that Liam wanted to sit on the potty forever! We slowly took the books away and gave him a time limit for siting, because I was spending ten-twenty minutes in the bathroom with him, each time he "had to go".

* Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page and are equally invested: One of the biggest reasons that I gave up on potty training at the beginning, was that it's far more work than I expected and I was doing the bulk of the work while my husband was at work. Once he got home, I wanted more support but we didn't go about training the same way, so I would get frustrated and end up doing it myself. It was exhausting! Once we sat down, talked about the ques we would use, and created a loose schedule of how to go about it, it was far easier to keep with it. Having a partner makes all the difference!

* Be patient and positive: Just as with the big boy bed transition, patience was key to getting through the more difficult times. You need to have patience with your child, your spouse, yourself, and the process, because it is a long one with speed bumps every where! You also need to be excited about it, so that they will be excited about it. If you get frustrated, so do they.

* Make sure your childcare provider is on board and can be consistent: This process really made the whole "It takes a village...." statement clear to me. Just as it's helpful to have your spouse's help/support, it is absolutely vital that you have the support of your childcare provider. They will be in charge of enforcing your rules/schedule while you are away from your child, and without their consistency, it will never work. But you also need to keep in mind that most daycare providers have more than one child to take care of, and you need to be prepared for less consistency than you offer at home. You need to think about whether or not your expectations are fair and realistic for someone in their situation.

* Expect accidents/speed bumps: Potty training is a process, it doesn't happen over night. I have heard crazy stories about kids being potty trained in two day. I'm sure it's possible, but it wasn't for us. Praising them for even trying seems to help during these times. It reminds them that they are doing a good job and helps you both to not dwell on the downfalls.

* Be consistent: I'm sure that this tip has already jumped out from between the lines, but just in case, and because it's so important to your success, I wanted to make sure to touch on it. Make sure that your little one goes potty at roughly the same time everyday. This way they get used to it, you get used to it, and their body gets used to it. We tend to go right after waking up, after breakfast, once in between breakfast and lunch, before nap, after nap, before dinner, and before bed. We also take him anytime that he says he needs to go. I know that this sounds like a lot of trips to the bathroom, but it has really worked for us, and we thought that it is doable for his child car provider, since it will only be 3-4 times while he is there.

* Trust your kid: At some point you know that your child has the hang of it. There still might be accidents here and there, but they frequently tell you that they have to go and you tend to go a day or two without accidents. This is the time to back off a bit. I use this phrase with my son often. "I'm trusting you to tell me when you need to go." I know he's two, but he gets it. Joe and I will remind/ask about a potty break at the times listed above, but if Liam says he doesn't have to go after we ask a couple of times, I use that line and let it go. At some point they have to know it's up to them, and we need to back off. I noticed Liam would get tired of our constant nagging and would go in his underwear just to show that he was in control. Once we realized this, we gave him more choices/control and it's worked very well.

* Get rid of the diapers!: This is by far, the most helpful hint I have. It has been what has motivated all of us to stay on top of his potty training. Once we decided there was no going back, we were fully invested in the process. Also, once his lack of making it to the potty in time caused all of us grief, we all wanted to work harder at it. Joe and I are motivated not to clean up after an accident, so we stay on top of the schedule and give reminders often. It also has helped Liam to care more about whether or not he makes it to the potty. He doesn't want to miss out on playing with his friends and toys during the time it takes to clean him up. I'm sure that it is also uncomfortable to pee or poop on yourself, as evidenced by his immediate shedding of the yucky clothes.

 I hope that these tips are helpful, and since we are still in the midst of it, I would love to hear any more ideas and advise that my readers may have. Good luck with your big boy or big girl!