A Letter to Teachers: Let this Ignite Us

Dear Fellow Teachers,

After watching the horrifying video pictured below several times, a wave of absolute sadness hit me. Then, and without warning, a tsunami of anger. This is not our America. This is not what we stand for.

I have spent the past few years terrified and confused about the future of our country. I have buried my head in the sand, just waiting for things to get better. I am not talking about politics. I am talking about an epidemic of hate and the growing tolerance for it.

No more.

The faces of those young men- smug, arrogant, yet so so so ignorant. Those faces are hiding in our classrooms. They are lurking in our halls. While I wish I could say with certainty, they are not, I know I would be wrong.

We can change this. We can stop this.

Yes, I know.....but social media, but friends, but parents, and youtube, and media, etc. etc.

We are on the front lines. We are this country's first line of defense against what brought those boys to that spot. To stand in front of a Vietnam Veteran- a man who fought for them and the country they live in. A man who's ancestors have more right over this land than any other man ever has.

Those faces haunt me. They also ignite me.

We can hit this hard. We can make an impact. 

You may say, "my classroom is small in comparison" and you would be right. But multiply your current student population by the numbers of years you have/will teach. Thousands of hearts to change and lessons to be learned.

This battle is just beginning. I am awake. I am ready to take this one. I am ready to fight for MY country.

See you Tuesday.

Mrs. B

A Day in the Life of a Teacher

Since I was very young, I have known that being a teacher is my passion. Although it is tough and, sometimes thankless, I would never give it up. Being able to see the empowerment and pride in my students' eyes, knowing that I have impacted their lives, are things that could not be accomplished through any other career. Loving my career doesn't mean that it's easy or without rough days.

Most of my frustrations with my choice in profession, is how others perceive it. I don't "play" with kids all day, I don't "get summers off", I don't have "zero accountability", and I am not the reason for our country's educational struggles. I work very hard every day, as each of my colleagues do. We are professionals who strive constantly to stay current with student needs, seek out new strategies, find opportunities for creative learning, and collect data like a financial planner.

Not having support tends to boil down to a lack of understanding and misconceptions of what a teacher's day looks like. Well, if you want to know what an AVERAGE day for this PART-TIME teacher looks like, here it is. *My position is not average, but this is an average day for me.

7:30-7:50- Student Safety Committee Meeting- discussing my role in case of an emergency within the school

8:00-8:59- Teaching: Reading Intervention (classes switch every other day)- Specially and specifically designed instruction for each and every student within my class and their literacy needs

9:03-10:02- Prep: Time to plan for days to come, answer parent emails, make copies. schedule and/or attend meetings, collect/anaylize data, write growth and professional goals, grade assignments, enter/post grades,  and plan for the Oregon Battle of the Books program. Just to name a few.....

10:06-12:11- (two classes-one hour each) Teaching: Language Arts- Blending reading and writing skills and strategies that students will need to be successful in their educational and future professional career. Striving to meet the needs of each and every student, each and every day

12:15-12:44- Close out classroom/Travel to other middle school/transport technology/set up classroom/lunch

12:48-1:47- Teaching: Reading Intervention (classes switch every other day)- Specially and specifically designed instruction for each and every student within my class and their literacy needs

1:47-1:52- Close out classroom and return technology

*This is where my part-time status kicks in

1:52-2:10- Pick up Nolan from preschool/daycare

2:15- Pick up Liam at school

2:45- Meet Joe at home- he had to come home early, so that I could go back to work

3:00-4:00- Intervention Strategies Meeting- discussing students who need more support and brainstorm, as a team, ideas to support them

*My work day is technically done at this point, however, I spent roughly another hour and a half of my evening returning emails, adding grades into the gradebook, checking student growth scores, and preparing for a day of Professional Development the following day.

This was yesterday. Today I will be spending my day presenting writing strategies learned over the summer, as well as in training for a new literacy assessment program and strategies and activities to use after analyzing the data.

Teachers juggle professional responsibilities, student/family needs, new curriculum/assessments, student engagement programs, meetings, data, etc. every single day. All this (for me) in a 6ish hour day. Obviously, this is not possible, as I spend far more than 6 hours a day making sure that I do my best for each of my students. I have one less class than most of my teammates, 30ish less students, and an hour and a half less time in the building. Can you imagine what their days look like?!

No matter what you have heard or believe about our education system, the teachers and their drive to support your children, are NOT the problem.

Dear Mentor,

I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Because of you, I am on a path that I would have never thought was within my grasp. Because of you, I have confidence in my skills and my intuition. Because of you, I see value in my ideas and am eager to share them. Because of you, I am mindful of the qualities needed to be a leader.

Without you, I would be a hard working teacher, but I would be learning at a slower pace. Without you, I would continue to be a follower. Without you, I would happily take on the ideas of others with little deviation. Without you, I would be content in my current abilities and leave true growth for the future.

Teaching is hard. Being a parent is hard. I have spent many of my years as an educator trying to balance the two hardest jobs I will ever have. For many of those years, I was all too happy to be stagnant- just "making it through". I have always loved my career. I love my students, my content, my path. I was content to be what I was and love my days in my classroom without change.

I'm not content any more. Because of you, I want to be more and because of you, I know I can be. Because of you, I don't want to wait for the future. Because of you, I have the drive and focus to be better now.

Being an educator requires that you never stop learning and growing, so I know that there is no end to the process. There is no finish line to cross. However, I also know that I can be more thoughtful every day, not just "someday". I can be the educator I want to be today, adjusting what that looks like as the years and lessons come and go.  I have learned that being the best me does not come with a title or test scores. It comes with a choice.

Because of you, I have made that choice.

Thank you for being my mentor. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for helping me believe in myself.

Admiration Always,
Your Grateful Student

Facing Fears

Several years ago, my school district offered teachers the opportunity to work with a local university to earn a reading endorsement. I had considered getting a reading endorsement before, but the convenience of the classes being in-district, the lure of reimbursement, and the credits toward licensure sealed the deal.

Even after taking several classes, I saw the program as beneficial to my teaching, but I wasn't hooked. Then came my practicum. During this time I would needed to complete case-studies with individual students and create lessons for my classes. A spark was lit. Seeing the strategies that I had been taught, truly heighten students' confidence and create literacy gains far beyond what anyone expected made me feel like a real teacher. Someone who could make a difference.

Then I had two of my own kiddos, I chose to move to a part-time schedule, and I was a bit overwhelmed by it all. My focus and love for teaching literacy was still there, it was just buried for a bit. Two years ago, for some reason -I can't remember exactly why- I decided to ask to teach a reading intervention class. Actually, I practically begged. Last year, I got my wish. I even got two.

Although it was a lot of work, the rewards of teaching these two classes were ones that I could have never imagined. The spark that lived in me years before, was back. I gained confidence in my abilities as a teacher. When students made progress, I was not only proud of them as if they were my own children, but I was proud of myself for helping them to see their potential. It was wonderful.

As the schedule for this year got closer and closer, I was anxiously awaiting more literacy intervention classes. However, I was also nervous (as I am every year) about the hours my schedule would require. When I began my part-time venture, I was exactly half time and in the morning. Pure gold. The next two years, I was .6, but one year in the morning, the other in the afternoon. Last year, I was .8- meaning I taught all except one class. Each schedule had it's own struggles, but last year's was the hardest. It was the longest day, the most preps (classes to plan for), and the most difficult for my boys and their schedules. I didn't want to do that again.

When I left work in June, the schedule itself was looking good. .6 in the morning. Pretty great. There were only two literacy intervention classes, but I was still excited. Then I got a phone call. Would I be interested in working at the other middle school as well, teaching two more reading intervention classes? Uh, yes! Well, maybe. These classes would be added to my already planned schedule. Meaning .8 again. Not just .8, but .8 with travel between schools daily. Scary. Super scary.

I was extremely worried about how this schedule would work with our family needs. My oldest would be starting kindergarten, so his start/end times had to be considered. And what about my youngest? He sure hasn't gotten much of an advantage of having a part-time working mama. What about me? Could I really handle a more complicated and challenging schedule than the one I believed I had barely survived last year? I only had an hour or so to decide, so I had to think fast.

I was absolutely terrified of what this new schedule could mean, but I had been waiting for a very long time to show what I could do. I wanted the challenge. Helping those who struggle with reading is my passion. Although it should have been a much harder decision, it wasn't. At the time. I took it on. Reluctantly.

As the summer days went faster and my first day back to work got closer, my excitement to teach grew, but my fear of the unknown also took over many of my thoughts. I came to the conclusion that this year would be rough. I would love my classes/students, but the schedule would be something I would just need to get through. Next year, it will be better. Those of you who have read my past thoughts, have heard that line before.

Then it started. My colleagues at the other middle school welcomed me with open arms. Still a little nervous. Then kids came and every reservation flew out the window. As the first month of the school year is coming to the end, I can confidently and happily say, this has been the BEST month of my teaching career. The schedule has been a breeze, both at school and at home. My boys have settled into their schedules flawlessly and I love what I do each and every day.

I can not believe how empowering this decision has been. I had no idea what I was missing out on. I am so very thankful that I was offered this opportunity and that I was brave enough to give it a shot. All those quotes about facing your fear are truth in the purest form. Do what you love, especially when it terrifies you.

Student Appreciation

Every new school year, I have to relearn, rework, and re-imagine my job. With every new group of students I need to learn who they are, what they need, and how to best support their education. Every year, this is a long, changing process. This year in particular, has been quite challenging. It has been difficult to feel as though I am doing my best to support all of my students, to teach them the skills they need to know, and to do my best as an educator. I have struggled. It has been difficult. A week ago, my thoughts about the end of this year consisted of excitement for summer break, excitement for next year's schedule, and preparation for doing things differently. I was ready.

Since then, my thoughts have changed drastically. This past week was Teacher Appreciation Week as well as conferences. Throughout the week, cards and snacks trickled in from my sweet students, as they usually do. But this year, my students gave me a gift that I was not expecting. Gratitude, true appreciation, and a profound sense that I have done my job this year, that I have made a difference. These are the things that I needed. They are the things I didn't know I needed.

Wednesday (our last day with students this week) one of my quiet, sweet young ladies met me at the door first thing in the morning. She had a bouquet of flowers and a handwritten note in hand. I love the flowers, but it was what she said that I took to heart. She thanked me for taking extra time to teach her writing skills that she had struggled with and gave me a big hug. Although I know we have worked together quite a lot this year, I did not expect this. I had no idea that my extra time meant so much to her. A wonderful way to start my day.

My beautiful flowers

Then yesterday (our first day of conferences), I talked with many students and their parents. Much of the day went as conferences usually do, but there were some differences from conferences of the past. My last set of visitors before our lunch break changed my day. She changed my perspective. I will call her "E". "E" came in with her dad, who has attended each of the conference days this year. Each time we meet, I get to gush about how wonderful of a student "E" is, how respectful and responsible she is, how she has grown into a tremendous leader, and about her publish-worthy writing skills. Every time we meet, it ends in all smiles. This time it ended in much more.

"E" entered my room with a painting in-hand. A painting she MADE for me. She spent hours of her time creating this painting as a Teacher Appreciation gift. Just as with the flowers, the painting is so appreciated, it will hang in my classroom forever more, and words can't express my gratitude. However, the words behind the painting are what has changed me. "E" and her dad told me how I have inspired her, how she has learned things from me that have nothing to do with conventions and sentence structure, how she appreciates me and what I have done to help her grow as a young adult. When they left, nearly forty five minutes later, I didn't mind that I had missed most of my lunch. I had all the energy I needed.

A stunning painting from an astonishing young lady

Later that evening, a mom stopped by my table. She asked how her daughter, "K", is doing and listened to my positive comments and suggestions. It seemed, once again, like a normal conference. Then the mom asked about a small group activity with a local author that I had arranged for our aspiring 6th grade writers. She told me how much "K"had appreciated the invite to the event and how it had led to a novel project that her daughter and a friend had created. She also told me that "K" spends hours telling her about our classroom discussions about bullying, homelessness, teen activism, and leadership.

She said that her daughter tells her about the respect she feels in our classroom, how I talk to them like adults, and that we talk about grown up topics. She thanked me for inspiring "K", who is very quiet, to be a leader and to stand up for what she believes in. This same young lady, gave me a card the day before as well as wrote me a very thoughtful, specific letter about how I have impacted her school year and her life.

Every year I hear (as every teacher does), "You are my favorite teacher!", but these interactions were different. These students had more to say. They had specific reasons why our time together matters to them. They used words like "inspire", "respect", "challenge", and "support". I left conferences dreading the end of the school year. Realizing that I have only one month left to complete my work is a sad thought. I want more discussions with these students. I want more chances to reach them. I want more time. My struggles with this year are no longer front and center. Now my limited time with these amazing young people is what matters.

It always surprises me who gets the most out of my classes. This time, it may be me.

How to be a Successful Parent of a Student

As teachers, we are constantly telling children how to be successful students; it's high-time that parents get their own list of ways to be successful parents of students. Here are six tips every teacher wishes their student's parents would use:

1. Communicate Professionally: When sending an email to a coworker, you make sure that what you say and how you say it is professional, appropriate, and respectful. Do the same when contacting your children's teacher. Remember, they are professionals, who deserve respectful interactions. Pointing fingers and blame, using language and tone that insinuates disrespect, and jumping to conclusions are not helpful, nor do they help to establish a positive partnership.

2. Communicate with your Child First: If you are confused about their progress, grades, homework, etc., start with the source. Ask your child before clicking the send button. Your child should know the answers to your questions, but if they don't, give them a chance to ask their teacher before you jump in. This helps them be responsible for their learning and teaches them communication and advocacy skills.

3. Let Them Struggle (Just a Bit): Many parents contact teachers at the very first sign of an issue. It's not a horrible idea to open the lines of communication and offer support early on, however, "saving" your child from the struggle is not always a benefit to them. Students who work for their grade, who have to put in a little extra effort, get far more out of earning the grade. I have seen the excitement and accomplishment in the eyes of my students, who (after months of hard work) have finally earned that "A", and it is a defining moment in their education. Let them have it.

4. Grades are NOT Everything: As times in education change, so does the purpose and meaning of letter grades. Earning an "A" used to mean you were a responsible, smart student who turned in their work on time, attended class daily, and participated. Now grades truly (or should) reflect what your child understands and can demonstrate according to the standards of the grade level and content of the class. Striving for a specific letter grade is not the point of education, instead we focus on progress. Gaining knowledge and being able to demonstrate that knowledge in a deeper, more thought-provoking way is the main goal and grades are made available to help teachers, students, and their parents see that progress. Long story, short....B's are not bad!

5. Support and Partner with Teachers: If your child is struggling, and you have given them time to work it out on their own, partner with the teacher in finding ways to help support your child and their learning. Ask what is being learned, ask specifically what your child is struggling with, ask what you could do at home to help support and reinforce what is being taught in the classroom. Remember to support your child, without undermining their teacher. If parents and teachers believe they are on opposing sides, the student's education is at risk. Working together and being on the same page, is what is best for all.

6. Give Teachers the Benefit of the Doubt: You love your child, you know they are smart, you want to help them be successful, but remember, they are children. They are not always honest, nor do they always know/remember the correct answers to your questions. If your child comes home from school with information that does not sit well with you, or you have questions and/or concerns, stay calm and contact the teacher using the same professional communication discussed in tip #1. Maybe your child was right and further action or discussion is warranted, but maybe their interpretation is not entirely accurate. The last thing, either the teacher or the parent wants to do is complicate a child's education by adding their own personal frustrations to the mix. Remember, trust but verify.

Parents and teachers want the same things for their children/students. We want to support them, teach them, prepare them for their future. If we have the same goals and end-game, doesn't it make sense that we should be on the same team, working together?

When I became the parent of a student

Things to be Learned at Outdoor School

The district that I teach in, is lucky enough to still have an outdoor school program. Even in a time of budget cuts, and lost programs, our district has seen the value of this wonderful program, and has made it a priority to continue offering this life-changing experience to our sixth grade students. Due to becoming a mommy (twice), and having young ones at home, I have not been able to go to outdoor school with my students, since my very first year teaching, until this week. I was not lucky enough to grow up in a school that offered outdoor school, and had my first experience with it, as an adult volunteer when my sisters participated. I saw the value then, but I see it even more now.

This past week has been filled with memories and learning that could have never occurred within the walls of even, the most amazing of schools. The life-lessons, hands on and first hand learning, the relationships forged, and independence gained, throughout the four days we spend at Camp Magruder, were so amazing! I wish that there was a way to show, each and every parent, teacher, and student, what this program does for our kids, but unfortunately, my words and experience will have to do.

There were many, many aspects of camp that helped to shape the minds of those who attended. Here are just a few:

Earth Field Study: Oregon Coast

Curriculum: The field studies offered at outdoor school follow the national 6th grade science standards to a "T". All week, I heard students saying, "Oh, we already learned about this!", or "Oh, that's what Ms. Science Teacher taught us!" The awesome thing about this is that, the students were able to see what they had already learned, in a real-life setting. They were able to expand on their previous knowledge in a hands-on way. It made their past learning "real", "purposeful", "useful".


Relationships: Our school went to a camp which also housed a school from a district quite different from ours (in distance and experiences). It was life-altering for many of our students to meet, and become friends with others who are not like them in every way, who come from a different way of life, and who have other interests. Their relationships with their peers also changed. Many students who haven't said more than two words to each other all year, were now room mates and friends. Finally, their relationships with their teachers.

Animal Field Study: In the Woods

Our students got to see us in a different light. At camp, teachers are fun, silly, and have all the time in the world. I try to be/do these things in my classroom to, but with standards, testing, several classes, grading, questions, etc., some of those things happen on a limited basis. I was able to have several, good, happy, relaxed, conversations with my students. Not about Social Studies, or how they can get a better grade, but about their interests, their favorite part of the day, their hopes for the future, etc. Those relationships and the bonds strengthened through this experience is, in and of itself, worth every penny!

Beautiful Lake in Camp

Independence: Every year, I am shocked by the number of students and parents that tell me that they have never been apart over night before outdoor school. Every year, these same parents and students worry about the time and space that will come between them, while participating in ODS. Every year, I remind both parties, that this time away is good for everyone. Kids need to learn some independence. They need to build strong, trusting relationships with their peers. Parents need to see the pride and success that their children feel when they come home with millions of stories to tell. Independence is a trait that everyone needs to learn at some point, why not when enjoying nature, friends, and gaining education?!

Sustainability: Outdoor school isn't just about trees, life cycles, bugs, and science. It also has a wonderful component that we could all use refreshers on from time to time. At every meal, students learned about ways to save energy, live in a sustainable way, help the environment, and how these tips can affect the world around them. They discussed/taught by example the benefits of buying local food, composting, growing your own food, and overall environmental awareness. I think of myself as someone who cares deeply about the world I live in, and I do my best to make my footprint a small one, but I learned so much from being surrounded by while at camp. It reminded me of the things I already know, but have "forgotten" and the easy changes I can make to help my local area: environmentally, socially, and financially.

Please, support and push for outdoor school programs in your school districts! These programs teach our students invaluable life lessons they just can't get anywhere else!

Forest Field Study: The View from the Hike

Working on Positivity

I have a very blessed and happy life. I have a wonderful husband, who has been my best friend for more than thirteen years; two sweet, smart boys, who make me laugh every day; I have a career that I love, and which supports our family; I have family and friends that support me and my boys; we live in a safe neighborhood, and in a comfortable home. I have a lot to be thankful for. However, the past few months have been stressful, and difficult for me to adjust to. There have been so many changes, and unlike my boys, I've been a bit down about some of them.
My attitude lately, has been a not so great one. Over the weekend I realized, that the way I react, and the way that I perceive my situation, is not helping me to be happy. In fact, it is doing the opposite. My feelings have been adding to my frustration. Most of my stress has, once again, been associated with my work. I LOVE my job! I love my students! I love the curriculum that I teach! So why am I so down on my work-life?
Being part-time has been the best family decision that Joe and I have ever made. It has allowed me to really parent my boys the way we want them to be parented. I have spent countless hours having quality time with them, making memories that would have never existed, if I were to work full time. I still get to fulfill my need to be an educator, and have some "mommy-time". I know that not everyone has this option, and for that I am truly grateful.
But there are downsides. Every year, my schedule changes. Every year, the boys and I have to adjust to a new "normal". Every year, our family, just barley gets by. For the past three years, these are sacrifices that Joe and I were, more than willing, to make. This year has been rougher than past years. My schedule is not a good one for our family: my hours are longer (which has been an adjustment for all), I don't get a full prep, so I tend to work much later than I should, and I bring a lot of work home.
Since having Liam, I have always been home before Joe. This year, I get home at least an hour later than him. My mornings (although long) are busy, hectic, and stressful. Although my boys were the main point of being part-time, avoiding work drama was an added bonus. This schedule seems to cater to the drama, not help to avoid it. For all of these reasons, I have been blue about the coming eight months. I have found myself wishing them away, several times.
I don't want to do this anymore. I still love my job, I still love my students, I still get to be home with my boys more than most working parents, I am able to spend this school year adding to our bank account, and reducing our debt, I get to teach three classes of my favorite subject, and we still have all the same supportive people around us. I need to focus on these things, and not the ones that have been filling my mind. Next year, can only be better (right?!), and until then, I will be happy about the blessings I do have, because, as a very wise person once said, "Someone, somewhere, is wishing that they were lucky enough to have the things that you complain about."

First Day Times Two

I always loved the first day of school. I loved shopping for school clothes/supplies. I loved setting out all of my new things, organizing my backpack, binder, and my first week's worth of outfits. Every year, it felt like a new, fresh start. A chance to start over, make new friends, make a new, first impression, reinvent myself. When I became a teacher, the first day feeling still remained. It was a bit different, but it was still there. I still pick out my clothes for the first week or two, I go school supply shopping (this time for my students), and I get that renewed and fresh start feeling every year.

This year, it felt even more familiar, even more like when I was a kid preparing for the third grade. Today was not only the first day of school with my new set of students, but it was also Liam's first day of preschool. Last night, as I helped him pick out his clothes, pack his backpack, and discussed what our morning would be like; I saw the excitement in his face, heard the nerves in his voice, and felt the happy anxiety that I felt in my school days.

This morning I think I was more anxious than he was. I kept pacing, running around frazzled, and couldn't help but feel as though we were going to run out of time. Figuring out how to get all of us ready, drop Liam off at preschool, Nolan at daycare, and get myself to work, seemed almost impossible. Thankfully, Joe stayed home today to drop Liam off with me, and to help with the transition. I don't know how I would have done it without him!

When we finally made it to the preschool, I felt butterflies in my stomach. Liam went right into his room, introduced himself to his teacher, said a quick, "Hello!" to all of his peers, and then began exploring the classroom. When it was time for Joe and I to go, Liam was less than interested in us. He said goodbye, gave us hugs and kisses, and was on his way to a new basket of blocks or cars. I, however, was on the verge of tears.

After the emotional roller coaster that was preschool drop off, I still had to maneuver dropping off Nolan, getting to work, preparing for students, and teaching three classes of kiddos for the first time. After an amazing day meeting my new students, I was more than a little excited to pick Liam up and hear about his day. He and his teacher, had nothing but wonderful things to say about his day. He has not stopped talking about all of the new things he did, the friends that he met, the teachers that taught him new things, and the fun he had on the playground.

I think it's safe to say, that Liam and I have both transitioned into our new educational setting quite well.

Excited for his first day of preschool!

Best. Run. Ever!

Yesterday, I set off on my run with every intention of it being an average run. Average in route, length, time, pace....everything. It didn't turn out that way at all! As I ran one of my usual routes, I was feeling more worn out than usual, and I thought about cutting it short. I pushed myself past hill #1, which hit at about mile 2. As I neared hill #2, I wished I would have turned around. I was exhausted, my son was getting over, yet another fever, and my boys would be waiting on me for dinner. I decided I would get up this second hill (because, at this point, it was the quickest route home), then I would cut through the nearest neighborhood and head home.

As soon as I stepped on the little wooden bridge that signals that the incline is about to begin, I heard a skateboard coming up behind me. I moved over to let them pass, but I quickly realized that they were not passing me, they were keeping pace with me. When I turned to take a peek, I realized it was one of my past students, and he was looking at me. Awkward!

6.9 mile run

I said, "Hello." and fully expected a quick "Hi.", followed by him speeding on his way. Once again, did not happen. The boy said, "Hello, Mrs. Brooks! How are you?". I answered by telling him I was good and happy to be out and about. He then proceeded to tell me (me running, him skateboarding, together) how much I had changed his life. How he never liked school until he walked into my classroom. How he was actually excited for high school because of a love for reading, which he said he picked up while in my class. He ended the conversation by saying, "You will always be my favorite teacher!" and speed off.

I was shocked, touched, and rejuvenated. Not only had I run up the dreaded hill without a second thought, but I was in tears, and felt amazing. I ended up running just under seven miles (my longest, by far), with a pace around eight and a half minutes (a great pace for me), and I made it home with more energy than I had all day. I'm so glad I went on that run, that I stuck it out, that I saw that student, that I ran so far and so fast. I'm just glad!

Shockingly Easy

Before going back to work I was so worried about how my boys would do heading back to childcare. Liam has been spending his time with my mom for the past year, and Nolan has never been left with anyone but my mom (and only a couple of times). I was a little concerned about how attached Nolan is. There are days that he doesn't even like Joe holding him. He's a very different animal than Liam, who could care less if I were near or who was packing him around. Compounding the uncertainty of how my boys would adjust, with my stress about going back to work, having somewhere to be, and a time to be there, made me more than a little anxious about returning.
As for me, I was ready! I love my boys more than anything, but this mommy is not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I am far more stressed when home all day, rather than spending some of my time at work. In a previous post, I discussed how much I admire full time working mommies for holding down the fort on both fronts. Now I feel the same admiration toward stay at home parents. I could NEVER do this full time! Apparently, I have far more patience for 90 preteens that are not mine, than the two monsters (I say this in the most lovingly way) that roam my home.
As Monday approached, my fear of the unknown grew and grew. When Monday came, and it was time to walk away from my boys, Liam said, "Bye Mom!", gave me a hug and kiss, and was off on an adventure with his pals. Nolan smiled at me when I gave him a goodbye kiss, and then refocused on his fist (a new discovery). When I turned my back to walk away, I braced myself for screams and tears, but none came.
When I got to work, I quickly checked my e-mail, to see if my daycare provider was sending out an SOS. Nothing.
An hour later, after my first class, there it was. The e-mail I was waiting for. However, this was great news! Nolan had taken a bottle- no problem and was napping, and Liam was running a muck, apparently already feeling right at home. An hour later, I was feeling so happy to be back to my students, co-workers, and my classroom. Yet another e-mail, more good news. Nolan had woken up happy, and Liam was cracking everyone up with his silliness.
By the end of the day, I felt 100% back to the "grind", in a wonderful way. Boy, had I missed this! It took me less than four hours to realize that we would all be fine, that me going back to work was what was best for everyone, and that this mommy needs to continue to teach. I'm so glad that things worked out this way. I was worried that I would feel guilty for wanting to go back to work, which would be far worse if my 3 month old screamed the whole day. Fortunately for me, this did not, and has not happened. Nolan and Liam have adjusted quickly and happily into our new schedule, and I am one happy mommy again!

News Station or Rumor Patrol?

Teenagers can be so mean, cruel, and gossipy. Adults scold them for this behavior, but then they call it newsworthy. A local news station has been running a "story" about a teen that may or may not wear a mask in the hallways, dresses strangely, and acts abnormal. Have none of these people ever entered a middle school?! Well, I have! I teach in one, and these things are not abnormal, nor are they newsworthy.

This teen possibly has a "hit-list" and (once again) may or may not making stabbing motions when walking through the halls. Even the students that the news station interviewed said, "I heard that he....." and "....but it may be just rumors." It even says these words in the story that is posted on the website. Even the school is not admitting to any wrong doing by the student, in fact they said that they "asked the student to stay home from school today." If there is any evidence of a real threat, schools don't ask the student to stay home! They  would have suspended or expelled the student immediately.

As a parent and a teacher, I believe that we should all be made aware of real threats, but to put hearsay and speculation on the news for all to hear is not right. All I know about this story is what the news station is reporting, but I for one don't think that they have enough to report on to ruin this student's reputation. If they are wrong or are blowing this out of proportion, think of the life this poor kid has in front of him. Not only are his peers going to harass him (probably more than before), but now parents, and KATU viewers as well.

There has been a huge focus on anti-bullying campaigns both in schools and out, but this sure seems like people jumping to conclusions about a boy because he is different. Maybe I'm wrong, but that seems a lot like bullying. As I said, I don't know the specifics of this situation, and maybe this boy is a threat. But I just think that there should be a line between facts and guesses, and that what airs on the news should only fall under the first category.

If you would like to read what little information KATU has on this story, here is the link:

http://www.katu.com/news/local/Student-who-was-causing-concern-at-school-told-to-stay-home-171209131.html

Almost Unimaginable

Being a parent has changed many things about me, my husband, our goals, our plans, etc. But the one thing that has never changed is my absolute love for teaching. Even after having Liam and dealing with a year of frustration, stress, and guilt from working full time, the thought of leaving my job never occurred to me. When something is so ingrained in who you are, you can't imagine life without it. Since the moment I got the call from my principal offering me the job, teaching has been like breathing.
When the option to work part-time came about, I was very excited. It offered everything I was looking for! I could be home with my son more, be less stressed about leaving him as well as work, I could still do what I was born and love to do, I could continue to help support our little family, and both Liam and I could have some social time daily. It was the best of both worlds and I loved everything about it!
Working has always been important to me. I love my son, and the baby that is on it's way, which is why I feel so passionate about them seeing the drive and focus I have toward being a teacher. Both Joe and I came from middle class families where all of our parent had to work. My mom didn't get to stay home with me, and because of that I grew up knowing that you have to work for what you want, you have to make goals and strive to reach them. I want my children to know these things as well. Although I want to be there for them as much as possible, I also want them to see how rewarding and important a personal passion and drive are. I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom, not because I don't love every second that I'm with my children, but because I love my career too. I don't want to give that up, nor do I want my children to not know that about their mommy.
A week ago I found out that the schedule that I planned to have this year, had changed in a way that could have definitely caused problems both family-wise, and with childcare. It was even more stressful because the news came with only two weeks to figure out the childcare portion. I called my mom in a panic, crying, stressed, and hyperventilating. Luckily, she was supportive and offered her help until baby #2 comes along.
With this news, not only did my daily schedule and my childcare plan change, but also my maternity plan. I had fully intended to go back to work the beginning of May, but I'm no longer sure that is going to happen. I'm just glad that it happened this year, when I already know I get to be home a good portion of the time.
Last night a co-worker suggested that if it were an option, and if plans continue to be this frazzled, that maybe I should think about taking a leave of absence for a year or two while my kids grow. Until this last week that would have never been an option for me. I love my students, co-workers, and career far too much to leave it, but if things continue to be this unknown and stressful it may be the best option for the coming years. I'm lucky enough to work in a district that supports parenting and that offers up to a two year leave, while still securing my job for the future. This has helped to make this option seem like less of a loss for me. Knowing that I'm not giving up my passion to stay at home, knowing that my job will be waiting for me when the time comes, and knowing that I'm not leaving a wonderful job in a crappy economy are all points that make it easier to consider this option.
Although we have discussed the possibility of me staying home with our two growing babies, we have not even come close to making a decision. Obviously, money is still a concern. We have been working like cattle to pay down debt, and live on a budget for quite a while now and I for one, am loving it! I see our progress daily and feel good about the choices we're making. It scares me to think that these goals and this focus could easily be lost if I were to take a leave. We also have longer-term plans for our family that could be put off or lost all together if staying home becomes my reality. But we are also considering the cost of having two children in childcare vs. my part-time pay check. Would I be working to have someone else watch them? Possibly! We are very blessed that we have a whole year to think these things through, to test it out while I'm on maternity leave, and to work out the details before we have to make a definite choice.
I have always, and I mean always, known that I should be a teacher. I spent my entire education focusing on being not only an educator, but being the best one that I could be. I love my job, and in fact, have never felt as though it is a "job". It is a career, a passion, a calling. Up until yesterday I never thought (not even once) about giving it up. I still wouldn't completely give it up, but taking a break to raise my children is starting to seem like an option I have to consider, both financially and parenting-wise. This is such a difficult decision, and I don't know what to do!

Efforts Not Rewarded

For the past three years I have been working on earning a reading specialist endorsement. This has excited my building's administration, who have been following my progress closely for over a year now. About a month ago I finished my last class and took the Praxis (which is a required test to earn the endorsement). Unfortunately for me, I did not pass it to Oregon standards the first time. Because both principals have voiced interest in moving me to a specialist position once the coursework is done and the test passed, I felt more than a little pressured to pass the test before the next school year.
This is why, the second that I found out that I had not passed, I signed up for the next one offered. There are only two more options before September, and I wouldn't get the scores back for the last one until a week before school starts. I wanted to give myself the best chance for passing before they needed me. Today, all of that changed. We've known for about a week that we will be cutting some programs/positions due to the budget projected for next year. Unfortunately for me, one program they will be "scaling back on" are reading intervention classes.
This means that the work that I have done, the stress that I have felt, the pressure that I have put on myself, was not at all needed. I have at least another year before there will even be the possibility that I will use the degree. It's not only frustrating because I have been expecting a new focus for quite a while (with admin. reassurance), but I'm also frustrated specifically about the next test that I am now signed up for. It just happens to fall on the day/time of my mom's college graduation. When I thought people were relying on me and that there was a time schedule, I was frustrated, but willing to take the test that day. But now that none of that is happening, I'm more than frustrated.
I've already looked into canceling the session, but in perfect ETS fashion the deadline has passed and at this point, I would pay for the test either way. I still want the degree for myself, and would re-take the test either way, but I would not have chosen the day of my mom's graduation and would not have been so stressed had I known this would be the situation. I do not blame the administration at all. I would much rather they "scale back" a bit on some things than loose people, days, or programs all together. It just would have been so nice to know a while back, so that I wouldn't be missing an important moment in my mom's life. : (

Writing Makes Me Happy!

This week has been extremely crazy! So many ups and downs, and it's only Wednesday. Yesterday, I found out that although I passed in every other state (by far), I did not pass the reading specialist Praxis to Oregon standards. This means that I will be taking the test @7:30am on the day of my mom's college graduation, which will begin at 10:30am. It's going to be a busy/stressful morning. I hate to miss any part of my mom's graduation, but I don't have much of a choice considering that the test is only offered two more times before I begin teaching again in the fall. It makes me feel like a horrible daughter, but not passing the test the first time is making me feel like a terrible teacher and as though I have let down my principal.
As for work, I have spent the past two days, full days mind you, scoring sixth, seventh, and eighth grade writing assessments. I don't want to read another word! I'm exhausted. Also, the SSD budget for next year was approved last night, which has caused a great deal of stress within out building and throughout the district. I think that we (myself included) are in a much better situation than many other districts in the area, but it is still scary to think that we could loose friends in this process.
But in the midst of all of the hoopla, there are some very bright spots this week! We leave for Bend on our annual "friend va-ca" as soon as I get off work Friday. It will be a short trip, but I think it will be just what I need to get through the school year. A change of scenery, relaxation, a hot tub, shopping, and great friends is exactly what I need right now! Also, Liam's little sickness passed very quickly and his nightly routine, miraculously, was unchanged. Work-outs with mom have been a great stress-reliever, and the school year is quickly wrapping up.
When I began to write this post, I was thinking about all the tiring, stressful, sad stuff that has been weighing me down all day. But as I wrote, the positives started to jump out at me. Now, all I can do is think ahead. All of the great plans and the milestones in my near future are exciting and exhilaration. Life is so funny! One minute you feel like junk, the next you can't stop smiling. I love it!!

A Disappointing Day...So Far

I woke up this morning with an excitement associated with test results. Today was supposed to be the day when I would learn my PRAXIS test score. I have been waiting on pins and needles to see if I have to take the test over, or if I can officially call myself a Reading Specialist. Unfortunately, after listening to ten minutes worth of ramblings on the other end of the phone line, I was asked to give my credit card number. When I declined, I was informed that the test results would be posted online next week and if I wanted them sooner, I would have to pay a fee. This was irritating! I have already paid this company $210 so far (that's if I don't have to take the test again), and now they want me to pay $30 to get my score?! No way! I will wait, in a horrible mood, but I will wait.
I told myself that this was just a minor and short-term set back and tried to move on with my day. For the past week or so, I've been waiting to receive a reimbursement check from the school district for a class that I took in the spring. Joe and I have a long list of household chores that we plan to accomplish with this extra money. But was it waiting for me? No. I checked in several times today, hoping that it would be waiting so that we could get some projects done this weekend. This is important to us since our weekends are booked pretty tightly from now until July. So this weekend would be our only hope of getting it all done at once.
Also, Fridays are supposed to be the relaxing part of the week. We are supposed to go home, put our feet up, and enjoy our family. However, this is one of those magical Fridays where I have to go back to work in the afternoon. Now don't get me wrong! I'm so appreciative that the school district gives us time to meet with our colleagues and that they are willing to pay me to attend. But it's difficult to come home, relax for an hour or two, and then head back. My mind is already turned off. My work ethic, at this point, is shot, and I miss my baby boy!
Ok. Now that I was able to get all those frustrating feelings out, I'm ready for an exciting and optimistic second half to my day.

I Guess I Surprise People.....

After taking a few minutes to share in the wonderful lunch that our administration set out for us in honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, I was heading to my classroom to get my things, when a familiar face stopped me in the halls.

"You went to Newberg High School, right?", she said.

"Yep. That's right......Oh, that's why you look familiar! You were a teacher there." I said.

She gave me a bit of an up-down look, then said, "Wow! It looks like you've done pretty well for yourself!"

I responded with an enthusiastic "Thanks!" while really thinking, "Hmmm. What is she trying to say?"

"Being a TA is an amazing job, isn't it?" she asked.

I had to think about this for a second. Apparently, she had the wrong impression and I needed to find a way to let her know without making the conversation uncomfortable.

"Yes, being a TA is a wonderful job. I loved it when I was one at Chehalem Valley a few years back, but I really love being a teacher. It's so rewarding!", was the response that I came up with.

"Oh my! YOU are a teacher here?!"

I tried really hard not to take this personally. I told myself that she responded in this way because she thought I look too young to be a teacher. Or because based on her observations of me in high school, she thought I would go into another field. Certainly, she was not surprised because of my grades in high school. I worked very hard while there and earned a high GPA. My ability to work with kids couldn't be the issue either. I spent 3 years of high school working in the Life Skills classroom with disabled children, and volunteered at two local elementary schools.

So why then, was she so surprised to see me at a middle school as a 6th grade teacher?

The short answer is, I don't know. She told me that she was extremely proud of me for making it "this far". To which I said, "Thank you." With what I'm sure was a confused look on my face, I walked out to my car. It wasn't until I was halfway home, that I realized how many people have had that reaction to me and just about anything that I accomplish.

Why is it that people have such specific and strong ideas about who I am and what I am capable of? I have wanted to be a teacher since I was very young. I spent my days lining up my stuffed animals and reading to them. Being a teacher has almost (there were a few years, after Free Willy, where I wanted to be a dolphin trainer) never been a question for me. Yet no one seems to "see" me in this role.

Maybe it's because I tend to be quiet and I'm short. Believe me, both of these qualities come in very handy when dealing with the middle school population. I don't know why people react to me the way that they do. But I'm going to learn to take it as a compliment and be happy that I seem to exceed most people's expectations of me.

Spirituality

I have always struggled with being content with the situation that I'm in. Not because I want more things, but because Joe and I seem to have set backs pretty regularly. I'm always thankful and happy about what we have and who we have become. I try very hard to be positive about the situations that we find ourselves in, but just like everyone else, there are times where life makes us feel inadequate and behind the curve.
I teach both ancient India and ancient China which come consecutively in my yearly curriculum plan. This year, I paid extra attention to the teachings of the major thinkers of that time period. Laozi, Confucius, and Buddha were instrumental in the development in these ancient super-powers, and now, in my life. Ever since writing a research paper about Buddhism in my Freshman Inquiry class in college, I have felt very close to the teachings that make up the religion.
I have mushed these three belief-systems into one to create my own spiritual path. Laozi focused on nature and our need to respect/protect it. Confucius believed that we should put or families and communities first. The Buddha believes that we create our own suffering and that needing/having possessions is not the way to true happiness. I think that the biggest take-away of these points is that I need to remember that I need to focus on all of the amazing things I have (family, friends, health, safety, a community, the beautiful nature that surrounds us, etc.).
Several situations have arose recently that have reminded me of all of the wonderful things that I have to be thankful for: a scary situation with my son,  a documentary about the need for water in other countries, the fact that I still have a career that I love even in this horrible economy, my son's birthday party attended by all of the amazing people in our lives, my students, having a roof over our heads, the sunshine we have been experiencing these past few days,.......and the list goes on and on.
I get one life and I'm going to make the most out of it! Both for myself and for the people who come after me.

Under Pressure

Under Pressure is not only my favorite Queen song, but it's also how I've been feeling for a while now. Two and a half years ago, I began taking classes to get a reading endorsement. Due to having a baby and my work schedule, I was only able to take a class here and there. I just finished my last class, so you might think that the pressure is over. You would be wrong!
The classes were difficult from time to time, but nothing I couldn't handle. I actually really enjoy taking classes (I guess that is one reason I was meant to be a teacher). The pressure began in June of last year, when the principal of my school made a point to tell the rest of the staff that I was "almost done with my reading endorsement." Technically I was almost done, one class away from finishing the program, but I realized at that point that he had taken some vested interest in my education.
The pressure grew a few months ago when I was told that he planned to make me the school-wide reading teacher, because "it just makes sense to have the only person in the building with a reading endorsement, teach all the reading." Once again, this shouldn't have been a big deal, but I hadn't taken the last class at this point, and there was still the dreaded PRAXIS exam to think about.
The pressure became almost painful a week ago, when out vice-principal (who has taken on the responsibilities of a reading specialist) advised our staff that she will be taking a job at the district office, and will no longer be taking on the reading specialist responsibilities. I know that I have been reading between the lines quite a bit, but I also think it's more than possible, based on all of these circumstances, that both of the principals in my building are expecting me to take on this role next year.
I'm very excited at this possibility. It shows that they value me and the skills that I have to offer, it gives me even more job security, and I would love to work with more students to help them meet their true reading potential. The issue comes with the PRAXIS that now stands in my way.
I have done a lot of research in-between my study sessions, and have realized that Oregon has a very high standard for passing this test (in fact it's higher than any other state's requirements). The average person gets a score of 580. What is the Oregon standard? 610! That means the average person who takes this test, misses the Oregon requirement by 30 points!
Knowing that my superiors are expecting/relying on me to pass this test, that it is extremely difficult to pass, that it is so expensive to take, and that I just plain want to be done, are all reasons that I'm feeling so much pressure to pass this test and earn the endorsement. The test is tomorrow morning, and I've been studying for months, but for some reason I can't get past the feeling of dread. Now that I've vented just a bit, it's time to get back to my flashcards. I hope that I don't let myself and everyone else down!

Trimester 3

This morning I got up thinking about all the things I need to do today to prepare for the end of the trimester. I have paperwork, grading, cleaning, planning, and moving some kiddos who are now too smart for me. It's a lot, but it's all exciting! Exciting for me, because I get to throw away all the crap that has been left in my room, I will once again have sparkling clean desks and organized bookshelves, I will get to see and hear the excitement from the students who will learn today that they get another elective because they have improved so much.
It is exciting for them because they get a new schedule, they're grades have been wiped clean and they get to start all over, there will be a new seating chart where they may get to sit next to their friends, and the new curriculum for third tri. is always exciting and fun. My question is, why don't adults get a trimester three. Now, I of course know the realistic answer to this question, but wouldn't it be nice? I would like to get a new daily schedule three times a year, I would like for my past mistakes to be wiped clean and be able to start over new, I would like to move to a seat closer to my friends, have a whole bunch of new stuff going on, and to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know some of you maybe thinking "Your a teacher! Don't you get all these things too?!" Nope. I have the same schedule every trimester (a couple of kids may change, but for the most part I teach classes that go year-long), the seating chart includes the same kiddos (who I love and adore, but they are the same), and the curriculum is mostly the same as years past, but unlike the kids, the parts that do change are no fun for me. It just means more research, planning, and a lot of trial and error. Also, the light at the end of the tunnel that my students see is there for me too, but it doesn't exactly mean the same thing. They get to play all summer (hopefully) w/o a care in the world, while I take classes and prepare for next year.
I also don't mean that these things should literally happen to me. I just want the opportunity to start fresh and have my outlook changed once and a while. My life is amazing! I have absolutely everything I could need or want, but sometimes adults loose sight of that, and I think switching things up three times a year, may make it more obvious as to what is wonderful in our lives!