Quotations of a Three Year Old

My three year old, is hilarious! He's bright, witty, and has a great vocabulary. After a particularly verbal day, I decided that I was going to take notes on what comes out of his mouth for a weekend. Before I share the weekend's worth of verbal gold, I want to share a few of my all-time favorite Liam-isms.

"Carrots freak me out."
"Dad, come hold my hand. This is going to be a big one!"- You can guess what he was doing when he said this one.
"I'm creepy. At night, I come into your room, and lay under your bed."
"This ball has elasticity."
"I need to stay hydrated!"
"There's a ________(insert random noun) on your head, and I don't know why!"

Now that you have a taste of the pure hilarity that I hear daily, here is what was said in a two-day span:

"Dad, next time when we go for a walk without Mom, you need to remember to bring water."
"I'm going to poke you with one finger!"
"Bugers are made out of Goldfish (crackers)! You eat them, then they go into your nose and make bugers."
"Dad you need to get me a snack, because I'm not good at waiting."
"I watered the grass......with my pee."
"I miss Olivia's big head!"
"What in the world!"
"How were your night-nights?"
"One, two, three...hit it!" (said while using his fork to drum his bowl)
"In the dark there is zombies, and monsters, and not-so-nice robots."
"Why won't anyone play Michael Jackson!?" (while watching the parade)
"Nice to meet'cha Mr. Brooks!" (while shaking his 6 month old brother's hand)

My little goof ball!

Dessert Hoarders

Joe and I recently realized that we are dessert hoarders. Although we have been this way for years, we just noticed that we don't even share with our son! We have gotten into the habit of waiting until Liam is tucked, safely into bed and the house is quiet before pulling out whatever yummy treat we have any given evening. It was a bit of a shock the other day, when I made pumpkin cheesecake bars, gave Liam one before he went to bed, and thought about how excited he was. My thoughts, "We have dessert all the time. Why is this such a big deal?!" Then it dawned on us......WE eat dessert all the time, LIAM does not.

The dessert that cause the epiphany 

At first, I tried to rationalize what we have been doing. Saying things like, "Well, it's not good for him to have so much sugar." and "We are just making sure he fills up on healthy, nutritious foods. We're the ones who are really missing out." Then I realized that we are full of crap! We wait until he goes to bed because #1- we don't want to share and #2- we see that as our quiet, kid-free meal of the day.
This realization brought back memories of a terrible feeling I had about a year ago. I discussed my horrible habit in a post titled Stealing Candy from My Baby. It's so funny how I am more willing to share everything about my life (my bed, my tv, my free time, my potty breaks, etc) with my two foot tall monster, but I unknowingly and selfishly have kept this one amazingly yummy piece of my life for myself. Oh well, I guess I'm not the perfect mom (as if I ever thought that it was a possibility).

Stealing Candy from my Baby

Being home all day has increased the power of my sweet tooth. I've been trying to steer clear of the waiting candy that was left over from Halloween. I've done a pretty good job too, until a couple of minutes ago. I had just finished doing the dishes when my son's candy bowl caught my eye. Yummy treats poking out just high enough for me to see them. Now Liam has his own bowl for the candy that he got while trick-or-treating and Joe and I have been really good about leaving his candy alone. We have our own, and we want to make sure that he gets what he worked for.
Well, all that 'good parenting' stuff went out the window when I saw a banana Laffy Taffy! I love those. After eating the delicious candy, I did feel guilty for a couple of minutes. But then I realized that there are reasons why eating that particular piece was actually a good thing for my son. Reasons: he is too little for candy that is that chewy, it's not good for his little teethers, he still has a lot of candy to choose from, he doesn't even like real bananas-so I bet he wouldn't even like it, and I could go on and on. But I will spare you the long, drawn out list. Really, I'm a better mommy because I ate my son's candy!

An Old Lady vs. Embarrassed Driver

Joe told me a story yesterday about something that happened to him earlier. He was taking a walk while on a break at work and he had to stop at a crosswalk to let traffic pass. While he was waiting an elderly woman (he estimates as being in her 80's or 90's) walked up and also waited for the cars to pass and the walk signal to change. When it did, they both starting walking across the street. When they were almost to the other side a waiting car lurched forward just a bit. Apparently, the elderly woman began to scream (not mutter or yell, but scream) obcenities at the driver while flailing her arms in the air.
The driver was not the only one who was shocked. This little old lady, hunched and a slow-mover, was using some pretty rough language and was livid that the driver has "almost hit" her. Everyone around stopped and watched and the driver looked like he was about to pee himself (according to Joe). But what was Joe doing?! Trying his hardest not to begin laughing hysterically, worried that she would then turn on him.
This got me thinking about old age and how a-like it is to being young. It is what I would like to call the bell curve effect of life. When you are young you can and say anything that you think. No inhibitions or worries about others' feelings. Old age seems to have this same effect on the elderly. They don't care what they say or who they say it to.We also deal with these outbusts in the same way. We do one of two things when a child/older person says something we find rude or out of the ordinary. We either snicker as quietly as possible because we know we should not condone their actions, but it is just so cute we can't help it, or we give them a stern look and try to explain to them why what they said was wrong. Either way, they continue to say what they want.
I want to be that way when I'm older. I have spent a lot of my life not saying things, and I would like to think that someday, I will be able to say whatever I feel without a care in the world! I don't want to do this because I want to hurt people. I want to do it because I know that I can say exactly what I think, and my family and friends will just right it off as the words of a "crazy old lady".

The Agony of it All!

I hate this time of year! The next three months are going to be horrible! The holidays are the busiest and most taxing for me. No one thinks about me or how I'm feeling right about now. They are running around enjoying holiday parties and treats and then use me when they feel guilty. I can't believe that there is a whole bag of Costco candy in the cupboard, do they really think that that is a good idea? They always get too much candy and I think that they do it on purpose just to torture me!
Not only does everyone rely on me to make them feel better about themselves, but they never think about the difficulties and pain that they cause me in the process. I don't know why people always come to me anyway. I'm not good at comforting people and I tend to make everyone feel worse when they visit me. I wish that everyone would take a second, think about what their doing, and learn some self control, because someday they will wear me out and I won't be able to comfort or (in most cases) frustrate them any more. But guess what?! They will just replace me anyway. That's me- abuse me and then replace me. What a troubled and tormented life I lead!

These have been the thoughts/feelings of my bathroom scale.

A Saturday Morning Funny

So we have been trying to go without cable and internet at home for about a month now. Everything is going very well and I'm suprised at how easy this has been (for the most part). We will see how things go once school is out and I can't check my e-mail daily. Anyway, Sunday morning Joe was "relaxing" on the couch and Liam was napping. I was so bored, so I tried out the Saturday morning tv line-up. Needless to say, there were not a whole lot of choices! I decided on an info-mercial (for no particular reason). It took me about ten minutes to realize that they were trying to sell me hair products that give you volume and shine. Oh man! I spent a small chunk of my Saturday watching someone try to sell a product that a bald person, like myself, would NEVER need. The worst part about it was that they almost had me sold. It did make the model's hair look nice and it made me forget that I would have no use for it. Man, they were good! I know that this is soooo random, but hey, I thought it was funny!