Good Feeling: Gone!

Am I a horrible wife, who is complaining and throwing a fit for nothing? I don't think so, but I thought I would get someone else's opinion just to be sure.
About two months ago, my husband and I went through our entire house looking for blankets, hats, and gloves that we no longer use. The plan was to donate them to a shelter downtown so that the items would go straight to those who need them the most. My husband works downtown and OFFERED to take them in for me. About a month and a half went by without the piles and bags leaving his trunk. Finally, last week he came home and proudly announced that he had donated them. I was so happy. He remembered, and we were helping the people who need the help the most (especially at this time of the year).
Tonight while watching the news, a commercial for the salvation army came on and I asked him if that was where he took the things. He said no, that he had taken them to the Goodwill on the way home from work. I'm livid with him! I know that donating to Goodwill is a good thing to do, but I wanted to give them to people who can't even afford Goodwill. I wanted to give them to people, not have them pay for them. I wanted people who sleep in the cold to be a bit warmer because of us.
I spent the last few days feeling very good about our donation and about how our unused items would make someone else's life a tiny bit better, and now I feel like that was taken from me! We obviously can't get them back to give to a shelter, so I'm left with frustration and anger at my husband. I offered several times to take them in myself and he said that he wanted to. We discussed our plans several times, so I know there was no miscommunication. He was just being lazy and wanted me to stop "nagging" him. So am I wrong to be angry?

A Change in Perspective

For the past four days, Joe and I have been a bit concerned about whether or not I received a shot after Liam's birth that could cause complications for later pregnancies. I'm RH negative which is problematic when you are carrying a baby that is RH positive. Your body can actually attack a RH postive baby without proper vaccines. The issue usually doesn't occur until the second pregnancy because your blood needs to mix with the babies blood in order for your body to create the antibodies that are harmful to baby. This doesn't usually happen until birth. This is why you are supposed to get a Rhogame shot within 72 hours of the birth, to help stop the production of those antibodies. If you don't get this shot your body will make the antibodies and they will be waiting for your next pregnancy. If the new baby is also positive, the antibodies will attack it and can cause death and other serious complications.
When looking back in my hospital records there was no record of me getting this shot and I have no memory of it being given. I called my doctor to ask her about it, but of course she was out for the day. So I called the hospital, but they would not release the information without written consent and then the records would be mailed to me. How much stress can you take?! Without it I would have about a 50/50 chance of having a baby that my body would reject. The thought of putting my husband, son, family, and myself through those odds was so scary! I had already decided that if I did not receive the shot, I would not have anymore children. I have an amazing son who I love more than anything, and I can not imagine thinking that I was about to get another one and then loose it because my own body hurt it. There is absolutely no way I could deal with that!
The records finally came in the mail last night, and after hours of searching pages of records I could barely understand, we finally found it. A record of the shot being given (it was the very last thing, on the very last page of the stack that was sent to me). I feel a great deal of relief and I know Joe does too (even though he says he was never worried). Thinking that there was a possiblilty that I wouldn't be able to be pregnant again, the my son wouldn't have any siblings, that we would never get to use the cute baby names that we finally agree on, all made me realize how much I do want another baby. There are still a few things that we need to do to prepare, but I learned a lot about how I really feel about a second Baby Brooks and about how heart-broken I would be to know that it wasn't going to happen.
Sometimes you need the option to be taken away to really realize how you feel.

Stealing Candy from my Baby

Being home all day has increased the power of my sweet tooth. I've been trying to steer clear of the waiting candy that was left over from Halloween. I've done a pretty good job too, until a couple of minutes ago. I had just finished doing the dishes when my son's candy bowl caught my eye. Yummy treats poking out just high enough for me to see them. Now Liam has his own bowl for the candy that he got while trick-or-treating and Joe and I have been really good about leaving his candy alone. We have our own, and we want to make sure that he gets what he worked for.
Well, all that 'good parenting' stuff went out the window when I saw a banana Laffy Taffy! I love those. After eating the delicious candy, I did feel guilty for a couple of minutes. But then I realized that there are reasons why eating that particular piece was actually a good thing for my son. Reasons: he is too little for candy that is that chewy, it's not good for his little teethers, he still has a lot of candy to choose from, he doesn't even like real bananas-so I bet he wouldn't even like it, and I could go on and on. But I will spare you the long, drawn out list. Really, I'm a better mommy because I ate my son's candy!

Abnormal and Irritated

About a week ago, a co-worker stopped to talk to me about my bald head. To my surprise, she knew that it was alopecia and not the usual assumption, cancer. After talking to her about her son and the difficulty they have had trying to find support for alopecia sufferers in our area, I've been on a bit of a mission to set something up in the Portland metro area. To help with this, I turned to Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc. to get information on how to start.
I tried to network with other alopecia sufferers to see what they do and just to talk about this disease. But guess what!? Almost anyone who says that they are associated with alopecia is trying to sell magic hair creams, hair transplants, wigs, or dermatology services. I find it sickening that when people who suffer from such a stressful disease, try to reach out to others who know what they are going through, they are bombarded with ads telling them that they need to be fixed!
I'm not saying that everyone who has alopecia should go without a wig, or stop trying to find a cure. I too wore a wig to hide the bald spots for a long time and I still might be tempted to try anything that has had success and is not as invasive as most alopecia treatments are. It took me a long time to come to terms with alopecia being a permanent part of my life, and I have no intentions of going back to the person who was afraid of what others would think.
There should be support for those of us who are fine with being hairless and in fact, are proud of it. I think of my lack of hair as I do any of my other physical traits. It is as much a part of me as my blue eyes and short stature. I don't want to hide who I am and I don't want to be made to feel like I'm alone in these thoughts. We alopecia sufferers need a place where we can feel comfortable to be who we are. Wig or bald, patchy or totalis, confident or stressed, we all have the right to be who we are without others telling us to be 'normal' (as if that were a real thing).

Baby Fever

There are pregnant people everywhere! I friends who are pregnant, co-workers who are pregnant, and there is always a healthy helping of women with baby bumps when out and about. I don't know if this is why, but lately I can't stay away from the "when's the next one coming along?" or the "Liam needs a baby brother or sister." Joe has been ready for a while, but is patiently waiting for me to "come around". Don't get me wrong, I want at least one more kid in the future, but I also feel no rush. I love my son more than anything and right now I feel like he is more than enough. Sure, eventually I will be ready too, but why is it that the second your baby is born everyone wants to know when you'll be popping out the next one. I think that it is funny how my husband was the first to bring up another. Of course it's easy for him to say "on to the next!" when his body doesn't have to recover from pregnancy, labor, nursing, etc.
I had a pretty easy pregnancy and I think my son is on the easy end of the little one spectrum, but it is still a lot of work and I'm not sure I'm ready for double. I'm also a bit concerned about how easy Liam has been. I'm sure that he is just tricking us into having a second one and they will be a monster! I know I will love the new baby just as much as my first (even if he or she is a monster), but why rush it? We have some goals that we would like our family to reach before baby number two comes along and I don't think that this is wrong of me.
I want to take Liam on a real family vacation just the 3 of us, since once the next one arrives this will not be an option again. If possible, I would like to move/remodel so that our house is better set up for two. Also, I would like to be financial comfortable. I don't mean have all the money we want, I mean have our budget/work situation figured out, since this is a major reason for stress at this point. I just started working part-time and I would like to enjoy the extra time with Liam for a bit. And finally, I want to be able to have a baby on our schedule. With Liam we had to get pregnant at a very specific time to maximize my maternity leave, which was extremely stressful for both Joe and I.
Now even I go back and forth on whether or not I'm ready. There are days when I see my pregnant friends and think that I miss it and I'm ready to go through it all over again, but then there are days that I'm not. Until there are more 'ready' days than 'no way' days, I think I'll stick with the one I have. But keep posted. I may change my mind, but I will do it when we are all ready- Joe, Liam, and I.

Evil Naps!

Over the weekend I was so tired from a long, exhausting week that I took a nap a day. Now, I never to do this! I hate taking a nap because I always feel terrible afterwards. That groggy feeling is far worse to me, than just being tired. I also hate taking naps because I never get to choose when I finish them. The few times in the past that I gave in and went to sleep, either Joe or Liam decided when it was time for me to wake up (never has it happened that I was actually ready). Needless to say, my body got attached to the mid-day siestas and I HAD to take another one today. And guess what!?! Not only did Liam wake me up for good, but Joe called and woke me up half-way through. This is horrible! I hate this feeling and now my body is working against me. I need a way to get out of the evil pattern that afternoon naps have put me in.

An Old Lady vs. Embarrassed Driver

Joe told me a story yesterday about something that happened to him earlier. He was taking a walk while on a break at work and he had to stop at a crosswalk to let traffic pass. While he was waiting an elderly woman (he estimates as being in her 80's or 90's) walked up and also waited for the cars to pass and the walk signal to change. When it did, they both starting walking across the street. When they were almost to the other side a waiting car lurched forward just a bit. Apparently, the elderly woman began to scream (not mutter or yell, but scream) obcenities at the driver while flailing her arms in the air.
The driver was not the only one who was shocked. This little old lady, hunched and a slow-mover, was using some pretty rough language and was livid that the driver has "almost hit" her. Everyone around stopped and watched and the driver looked like he was about to pee himself (according to Joe). But what was Joe doing?! Trying his hardest not to begin laughing hysterically, worried that she would then turn on him.
This got me thinking about old age and how a-like it is to being young. It is what I would like to call the bell curve effect of life. When you are young you can and say anything that you think. No inhibitions or worries about others' feelings. Old age seems to have this same effect on the elderly. They don't care what they say or who they say it to.We also deal with these outbusts in the same way. We do one of two things when a child/older person says something we find rude or out of the ordinary. We either snicker as quietly as possible because we know we should not condone their actions, but it is just so cute we can't help it, or we give them a stern look and try to explain to them why what they said was wrong. Either way, they continue to say what they want.
I want to be that way when I'm older. I have spent a lot of my life not saying things, and I would like to think that someday, I will be able to say whatever I feel without a care in the world! I don't want to do this because I want to hurt people. I want to do it because I know that I can say exactly what I think, and my family and friends will just right it off as the words of a "crazy old lady".