New Baby Transition Tips for Toddlers

When I hit the part of my second pregnancy where being physically active became difficult and my energy level was almost non-existent, I began to worry about adding a newborn to the mix. My older son had just turned two when my husband and I found out we were going to be adding a new family member to the mix. Interestingly enough, about two months later our calm, quiet little man turned into a loud, talkative, inquisitive limit-tester. Great timing, I know! As the months went on, my fear of the transition from one to two grew.

Liam was picking up on the changes I was going through, and did not like them one bit. He constantly complained that I couldn’t carry him, swing him around, or sit on the floor and play with him for hours.

His growing need for attention and my growing belly were in competition and I was already having a difficult time keeping up with the demand. How would I be able to handle two when both of them could be vocal? Also, how was I going to make the transition smooth for my oldest? I was so worried that Liam would resent his younger brother and would begin to act out for attention. I never wanted Liam to think he was being replaced, that mommy no longer had time for him, or that baby brother’s needs came before his. Liam was my first baby and it was so difficult to think about how adding another baby could change who he was.

I spent months reading up on how to ease the transition, talking to friends and family with multiple children, and brainstorming ways to prepare Liam for the changes ahead. Amazingly the transition has been relatively smooth. There have been a couple of bumps in the road: “Mommy, Nolan needs to go to his own home now” and “He needs to find his own mommy”, but he also really cares about his little brother. He gives him kisses every morning, night, and every other time he leaves him, plays with him on the floor, and proudly introduces him to everyone we meet.

Here are the things we tried that may help to ease the transition from only child to big sibling:

*Talk to them about the new baby as early as possible: We started talking about the new baby almost immediately after finding out I was pregnant. We told Liam that he was going to be a big brother and that there would soon be a new baby in the house. We answered all of his questions honestly, even when they were difficult. We reminded him constantly about what was to come.

*Read books: We made several trip to the library and local book stores to find books that discussed being an older sibling and read them as a family every day. Once again, Liam asked many questions about the babies and the older children in the books, and we answered the questions while discussing what it would be like for him when baby brother arrived.

*Don’t blame the baby: This one was difficult to do. Every time Liam asked to be carried or wanted me to run with him at the park, I had to remind myself not to say, “I can’t. Baby brother is getting too big” or “Baby brother is making mommy tired”. These statements make the older child feel like the new baby is already ruining their fun and taking attention away. Older siblings will learn to resent the baby even before they are born. Instead I said things like, “You are such a big boy now. You can walk like mommy and daddy” or “Mommy is a little tired today, but you can run and I will cheer for you”. These options seemed to work for my son.

*Make time to play (before and after the baby arrives): Before Nolan was born, Liam and I had a special time during the day where we would do whatever he wanted (paint, go for a walk, watch a movie, play with his toys, etc). Joe and Liam had a similar time of the day. When Nolan entered the equation this became a bit more difficult, but it is still a priority. Now we go around Nolan’s schedule, but we still have “Liam time” everyday. It may be shorter, and there may not be a specific time of the day, but it still happens. This makes it easier on Liam when I can’t give him the attention he wants.

*Big Brother Gift: When Liam came to the hospital to meet Nolan, we gave him a very special gift from his new little brother. We made sure that it was something that Liam would love, that it would last more than just a day or two, and that it was something that we could do together. In our case, it was a Spiderman bath set. It came with a Spiderman squirt toy, bubble bath, fake tattoos, and stickers. The day we came home from the hospital, Liam took a bath with mommy, daddy, and Nolan in the room to see him enjoy his gift.

*Teach them to be helpers: Even before the baby came, we started to teach Liam to be a helper. We asked him to help us get ready for Nolan- he picked out some things for the baby registry, he folded and put away baby clothes, helped assemble the crib, etc. Once Nolan came it continued, but the helpful tasks were directly related to Nolan- getting/throwing away diapers, singing to baby brother when he cries, finding toys for Nolan to play with, and picking out Nolan’s clothes for the day and pjs for the night. This not only keeps him busy, but he really enjoys helping take care of his brother.

*Family Activities: This is really two tips in one. The first is to get the older child involved in activities that are just for them. For example, since Nolan was born we have signed Liam up for swimming lessons, we now attend toddler time at our local library, family gym at the YMCA, and Joe and Liam will begin ice skating classes this weekend. We will attend these activities as a family, so that Liam gets attention from both parents and gets time where he is the focus. The second tip is to find things that will wear them out. All of the activities we chose require a great deal of movement. This makes nap time go much easier so that I can have a couple of minutes to myself in the afternoon (as long as the little one cooperates).

*Introductions: Teach the older sibling to introduce the younger one. This way, the older sibling gets attention from the visitor right away which is usually accompanied by praise and comments about how cute they are, or how great of a big brother they are. It also gives them a sense of pride for their younger sibling.

*Nursing = Attention: Whenever I nurse, Liam and I pick an activity that we can do together. This is a wonderful time to give the older sibling attention, because baby is taken care of and quiet. This works best if you have a wrap like a Moby where your child can nurse hands-free. Liam and I usually play a board game, put a puzzle together, do an art activity, or watch a movie of his choosing.

*Praise: The final tip is to praise your older child whenever they do something that shows that they care about the baby, is helpful, or shows that they are becoming more independent. Anytime that Liam hugs his brother, gives him a kiss, talks/sings to him, plays with him, or introduces him to others we tell him how great of a big brother he is. When he helps out by getting things that we need or playing quietly while I take care of the baby, he hears “Thank you!” And when he does something like go to the potty by himself or put on his clothes, I make a big deal about it. It makes him feel proud and it gives me one less thing to do.

I have heard many other tips, but these are the ones that we tried and believe were helpful in our situation. I’m sure that not all of them will work for everyone, so picking and choosing what is best for your toddler and family is important. Good luck and I hope your transition from one to two goes smoothly and happily.

Nolan and his amazing big brother

My Three Valentines

The past few years have been growing years for me and my family. This is true both literally and figuratively. We have grown in size as well as individuals. Having children helped me see what is truly important in life, and by association, what is not. I know it’s a bit late to discuss New Year’s resolutions, but until recently, I didn’t think I had any. Since Nolan was born and our family became complete, a couple of goals for the next year have surfaced.

Goal #1: Take time to really be with my babies. Not just share a space, but really put all of my attention on them while savoring every moment and milestone. It has become far too apparent in the past few weeks that these moments and milestones are flying by. My last baby is already four weeks old, a whole chapter of my life is over. I’m learning to be excited for the ones that come next and all of the wonderful things that await me and my family.

Goal #2: Share my happiness with those around me. As I said in my last post, January was the very best month I have experienced (so far). So many wonderful things happened and I will always treasure the memories of them. I have never been as happy with my life and my future as I am now, and I want to share my happiness with everyone who comes into my life. To me, this means that I will do my very best to portray my joy with smiles, laughter, and thoughtful gestures. I will do my best to pass the happiness on to the next person and show everyone in my life just how much I appreciate them and what they have contributed to my wonderful situation.

The motivation and inspiration for these goals are my three Valentines: My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met.  I will never understand why he loves me as much as he does or why he puts up with me. But I will always appreciate him and everything he does for me and our boys. He is the best father my sons could ask for and I can’t wait to see them grow and learn from their daddy’s example.

My brilliant little man, Liam, who makes me laugh every single day and surprises me on a constant basis. He is an amazing dancer who loves to show his moves whenever the mood strikes. He is the best big brother that my little gummy bear could ask for, and he changed me in the very best ways possible. I can’t wait to see him grow and become whatever it is that he is destined to be.

And then there is my little Teddy Bear, Nolan, who stole my heart from the very first cry. He taught me that there is no end or limits to a mother’s love. Before he was born, I was so worried that I would not be able to care about him in the same way that I do Liam. But all the worrying was pointless. No matter how impossible it seems to love another child as much as your first, it just happens and it is fluid and flawless.

I know how lucky I am to be a part of my boys’ lives. They mean everything to me and make me want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, and overall-person. Valentine’s Day is not about chocolate, flowers, and hearts……it is about love and remembering just how lucky you are to have found it. As I told my husband earlier this week, “I don’t need a thing for Valentine’s day. I know that I’m loved and that’s all that matters.”  Luckily my husband didn't listen, and I woke up to yummy truffles and a beautiful letter written by a man who refuses to by cards.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Best Month Ever!!

Things always feel like they could be better. We all tend to focus on the things in life we wish we could change. For me, this amazing month of January 2013, that is not happening! This month will go down in Brooks family history as one of the absolute best times of our lives. First I will share the best news of all: our little gummy bear made his entrance into the world yesterday morning. Nolan Theodore Brooks was born at 8:09 am. Weighing in at 7lbs 8 oz, and 19 inches long, he is perfect in every way!

Our family is finally complete and everyone is happy, healthy, and excited for our future. Liam has already proven to be a wonderful and caring big brother. Within the first 10 minutes of meeting Nolan, he had already hugged, kissed, and tickled his little brother. When he left the hospital last night, he gave Nolan a big kiss and said "I love you baby Nolan! Goodnight!" So cute!

    The next wonderful thing that is happening this month, is that we will meet our first financial goal: paying off the car. It was hard work and required a lot of sacrifice, but we did it! We were able to pay off three years-worth of payments in ten months. Even with a hot water heater replacement, the holiday season, and a new baby on the way, we were able to stick to our plans (for the most part) and reach our goal right on time. I am so proud of us! We are already looking toward our next money-smart goal.

   And the last of the exciting things to celebrate this month, is that I was finally able to pass the Reading Specialist praxis test! The state of Oregon adopted a new version of the test in September, so I tried it again. Apparently this was the right version for me, because I ended up getting a score of 190 out of 200! Shocking when I couldn't even pass the last version, let alone only miss ten points! Although things have been going quite well for our little family for some time now, this month takes the cake! I can't imagine anything being better then the happiness, pride, and love I feel right now!

Changes

Many things about my life are about to change. Baby boy #2 will be here by next Wednesday (or earlier). As the past few weeks have progressed, every part of this pregnancy has been a roller coaster ride. Some days I'm exhausted, frustrated about my dwindling physical abilities, and ready to meet our little gummy bear. But other days my energy returns, I feel wonderful, and I can keep up with my busy toddler. This past week has been different. No up and down action now. We are headed one way, and that's down-hill. Of course, I mean this in an uncomfortable, but amazing way.
Since last weekend, I have been feeling increased contractions, been drop-dead tired, and have felt a great deal of stretching low. Since everything happened at once with Liam, it's difficult for me to be sure whether these are normal aches and pains, or something more. Either way, I'm sure that what I have been feeling is normal, I just don't know whether it means anything. Last night we hit rock bottom (figuratively). My little guy dropped suddenly (once again, not something I experienced w/my last pregnancy). Today has been extremely difficult. My energy is gone, I feel as though the baby is going to fall out of me, I can breathe better, but my anxiety level is high.
Since the plan was to work until tomorrow, I'm trying to make it through the day and will see my doctor this afternoon, when we will decide if I should return tomorrow. If this baby is anything like his brother, his big drop is a sign that he is on the way. Laim was born twelve days early, which would be today for this one. I hope that I make it to the scheduled c-section for a couple of reasons: we have a lot to do to prepare still and I want to have a couple of days where it is just Liam and I. I have already planned some wonderful outings/activities for our two days together. Joe and I have also planned a very Liam-focused weekend, complete with an at-home movie night, free swim, a trip to the park, and his favorite games, books, and food.
As I get closer to meeting little man #2, I'm so excited. I can't wait to see who he looks like, what kind of a personality he has, and how having two will pan out. But when it comes to Liam, the arrival of his little brother causes me a bit of anxiety. I have no idea how he will handle all of this. Liam and I have been two peas in a pod for almost three years. We have a tremendous bond and he is a very happy boy. I'm just worried that some of this may change in the coming months.
Some days he says he's excited to be a big brother and asks when he wakes up if baby brother is here yet, other days he says he doesn't want a baby brother and he clings to me. I know that eventually it will all work out and they will love and play with one another, but for now, Liam is all I know and he is everything to me, takes all my time, energy, and effort. I just hope he adjusts well. We have some plans in place, thanks to friends, family, and co-workers who have offered suggestions, so hopefully those will prove helpful and we will be a completely happy family very soon!

Dizzy Spells = Scary Moments

This week my family and I had a bit of a scare. Monday morning I got ready for work like always, packed Liam into the car and took him to my mom's house as usual, and sat down to relax just as I always do before heading to work. I should back-up just a bit. I woke up that morning refreshed, feeling better than I have in weeks, ready for my last week of work before our holiday break. But while sitting on my mom's couch, talking to her about the week, or holiday plans, etc. I started to feel dizzy, light headed, and a bit nauseous. I thought that maybe I was just thirsty ( I knew that being hungry was not the issue, since I had a larger than normal breakfast before heading out for the day), so I walked to the kitchen to get some water.
Once there, I started to see spots, my ears felt plugged, and I had to lean on the counter just to stay upright. After drinking some water and taking a bit more of a break, I started to feel better. Since I was supposed to have students a half and hour later, I decided that I would go ahead and try going to work. As most of you can probably guess, this was not the brightest idea. I got about a quarter of the way to work and started to feel dizzy and weak all over again. Thankfully, I made it to the parking lot before the symptoms got worse.
I immediately called my doctor and explained what was happening. She told me that I was crazy for thinking I should go to work, and told me to go home and stay in bed. Luckily, we had already scheduled our next appointment for the next day, so she said we would check everything then. My husband and I spent the next two days being stressed and worried that something horrible was happening. My little gummy bear is healthy, but if he came this early, I would be very worried about him. I was born 5 weeks early and had many complications. He would have been 5 weeks early on Wednesday. I know that medicine/health care is far better now than when I was born, but still I was scared.
At the appointment we learned that my blood pressure is normal, they ran several tests that also came back normal, the baby is active, his heartbeat is perfect, and everything seems to be great. My doctor did say that if I have another episode like this one, I would be on bed-rest for the remainder of this pregnancy and that this baby seems to be on the fast track, so we should plan for a December baby rather than a January one.
No matter what, if this baby is healthy, then I am the happiest mommy in the world! I can't wait to meet him (although I would like him to bake a bit longer), so our family can be complete.
Happy Holidays to all! I hope that everyone has a safe, happy, healthy time with family and friends. We really do have a lot to be thankful for.

Showered with Love

This is the time of year where everyone is thinking about what they have to be thankful for. It's amazing how wonderful your life can seem when you focus on these parts rather than the parts you wish to change. I have so many people and things to be appreciative of. Never has that been more apparent than the last few months, and in particular, this past weekend. On Saturday, my mom, two of my sisters, my grandma, and two of my closest friends worked together to throw me the best baby shower imaginable.
Since we are being blessed with another baby boy, we really don't need a lot of things to prepare for his arrival. But that didn't stop the hoards of family, friends, and co-workers from celebrating the upcoming arrival of our gummy bear with us. Everyone was so generous and genuinely excited to meet baby Brooks #2, that our house was filled with people and love for hours. Even the folks who couldn't make it to the shower, sent their love and gifts for our little guy without hesitation. When I came home today, I was reminded once again how lucky we are, by the package sitting by our front door with my baby boy's name on it (figuratively).
One of the best parts of welcoming another family member, is the constant reminder of just how many people care about us and want us to be happy and healthy. As we head into our last weeks as parents of one, Joe and I feel as though we are not making this transition alone. We know that we have family to support us and friends to share our stories and experiences with. I know that this is about the time in a pregnancy where the nerves tend to kick in, but amazingly I feel more ready to welcome our bundle now than I did even a week ago.
Now that I have begun my wonderful five-day-holiday-weekend, am heading to a check-up for my gummy bear, and get to share lots of time with the people who mean the most to me, I can relax a bit and enjoy this amazing time of my life.

.........it also helps that we finally picked a name for the baby in my belly. We can finally take that off our list!

Bath Time = Bonding Time

Before getting pregnant with baby #2, I was worried about how having more than one child would effect our family. I have always known that I want more than one, but after having Liam it seemed so scary to have to share my time with him with another baby as well. This was a driving factor when it came to waiting. I just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of Liam not being the only person that I cared about that much. Ever since the day he was born, all I have wanted to do is be with him. It was very hard to imagine him not getting 100% of my time and effort.
It wasn't until the other night, that I realized that it isn't Liam that I have to worry about. The baby boy in my tummy is so far, getting the shaft! When I was pregnant with Liam, it was a common, nightly ritual to take a long bath. I thought of this as my time with my unborn baby. I talked to him, was able to really focus on his movements, and was finally able to relieve some of the pressure of carrying a baby. I felt so connected to him before he was even here. Although we still didn't have a name to call him, I KNEW him.
A couple of nights ago, I was actually lucky enough to find the time to take a quick bath. I realized that this was one of just a handful that I have taken since becoming pregnant. While laying in the tub, talking to this baby, it occurred to me that I don't "know" this baby like I did Liam. I don't talk to him as often as I did with Liam and I feel less connected some how.
Maybe this is why the middle child tends to be nuts. He is already getting the shorter end of the stick. This is just one example of the inequalities this baby has in store. Liam came into this world with his own room, decorated and filled with things, just for him. He has experienced two and a half years of being the only thing that we worry about. Unfortunately for the baby in my belly, this will not be the case for him. He will share space, clothes, toys, and attention with his big brother.
I should have never worried about how hard it would be to take attention away from Liam, I should have been worrying about how I would find the time, effort, and energy to give attention to my gummy bear. I know that when this little guy enters the world, things will be different and the connection, love, time, and attention will just come. But the idea that this baby is already being deprived of something that Liam received without hesitation makes me sad.
I love you gummy bear, and I will be sure to take more baths between now and when you arrive......I promise!