Home Study Hell

We have been in the adoption circle for less than 2 months and it has flown by. For the most part, it hasn't been too rough. Yes, a lot of paperwork. Yes, many appointments: fingerprinting, medical check-ups, psychological exams, welcome calls, etc. But up until now, it hasn't felt overwhelming. We have juggled the tasks pretty easily.

The hardest part of the beginning stages of adoption, the home study paperwork, is waiting on others to move on to the next task. All pieces are needed before you can be assigned a caseworker and schedule home visits. We have worked tirelessly to gather all of the needed paperwork, mail/email everything the moment it is complete, and finish all of the assigned classes as quickly as possible. The home study is a huge hurdle for all adoptive families, and it has been the most stressful piece for Joe and I. The home study is all that is standing between us and a full match with our daughter. She is ours, no one else can adopt her, but our match is contingent on our completed home study. I have compete faith that we will pass without a hitch, but to us, this feels similar to the first trimester of pregnancy.

We are waiting on one thing. One piece which should not be the last piece, because it should have been one of the easiest parts. Our medical records. Joe had his appointment the last week of November and he got a call a week later saying his paperwork was done. I went in for my appointment the first week of December. Afterward, I waited patiently, knowing that there were snow days and other things on my doctor's plate. After two weeks with no response, I called. This was when I learned that my doctor had forgotten to order one of the tests needed to sign off on my health. The Tuberculosis test.

First of all, she didn't contact me about the missed test, I had to call her office to find out. Second, the test takes 48 hours to complete. A bit of inactive Tuberculosis virus is inserted under the skin, then you have to wait two days for the doctor to look for a reaction to the virus, which indicates that you have been exposed. Because I contacted the doctor's office on Wednesday and the medical office would be closed both Friday and Monday for Christmas, I was not able to do the test until Tuesday of this week. Today I went back to have my body's reaction checked. I waited all day to hear back from my doctor. Nothing. At four o'clock I called to check on the status of the paperwork and was told it was done and I could pick it up at the front desk. Great! Why didn't anyone contact me? But, great!

As I was about to walk out of the door to pick it up and then immediately mail it to Holt, when my phone rang. It was my doctor's office. They had noticed that the paperwork required a notary which did not expire for at least two years and said that the notary on staff was only able to go through March of 2017. We quickly checked the notary date on Joe's paperwork and saw March 2017, which makes all of his paperwork invalid to the Korean court.

Joe and I spent the next two hours trying to track down a notary who is mobile and has an expiration date of at least two years. This was not an easy task, but we finally found one. Unfortunately, now we have to pay $110 that we didn't expect to pay, so they can come out to our doctor's office and notarize all of our forms. We also have to deal with the schedules of two doctors and a notary, to make sure that they are all ready and able to meet at the same time. On top of all of this, Joe's paperwork has to be completely redone. Another week or two of waiting for an "easy step".

I have learned so much through these past two months. The biggest of these lessons: never give yourself a self-imposed deadline. Joe and I have worked hard to have our home study paperwork done by Christmas. That was our goal. It did not happen. We will likely end up close to three weeks past our self-imposed deadline and that is a difficult pill to swallow. If we have learned anything from those who have gone before us, it is that adoption is an unpredictable process and no one's timeline or experience is the same- kind of like pregnancy. I have also learned that a week or two either way, can completely change your timeline.

We want our daughter home. We want her here for the 2017 holiday season (self-imposed deadline-I know, bad news!!). Today, I am impatient and frustrated. Tomorrow, I will be those things a little bit less. I hope. I will always be thankful for finding our daughter. From this point on, I will try to focus on that.

Our Adoption Story

I have always wanted to adopt. For as long as I can remember, adoption has always been a part of how I saw my future. When preparing for marriage, Joe and I talked about a plan for our future adoption- we would have two biological children, then when they were older, we would adopt older children locally. This was our plan for a very long time.

Becoming bilingual

After having our two wonderful boys, I started to feel more urgency in adopting. I longed for a daughter and the experiences our family would have if we added a little girl. Joe wasn't quite ready to take the leap, as this was new to him. Not what we had planned. We continued to do research into the requirements, possible outcomes, and resources available for a family grown through adoption. We also continued to discuss the topic regularly- as a family, as a couple, and with those we knew who had adopted. As the months passed, we chipped away at the mountain of decisions to be made and the details to be sorted out.

Many months ago, we landed on the plan to adopt internationally. We had always planned to adopt a local child through DHS, but our hopes for the adoption seemed unlikely enough through this process, that two DHS employees told us that international adoption would be our best option. We still weren't quite ready to apply, but we had made a big decision.

The boys picking out gifts

In September, I heard about an adoption support group which meets monthly in our town. We decided to attend the meeting to learn more about the process from the experiences of people who had lived it. After each class, we had endless discussions about what we learned, heard, and thought. It brought us a bit closer.

Then the big day came. Early in November, a member of the support group we have been attending, contacted me with the profile of an adorable little girl from South Korea. She was a "waiting child", meaning there was some prenatal health concerns. We requested her file and applied with our chosen agency that same day. After reading over the file on our own, we felt like we needed a bit more information to make the best decision for our family (but I had already fallen in love with her and hoped beyond belief that she was meant to be our daughter). We sent her medical files to a doctor who specializes in adoption. After the doctor's file review and our conversation about her findings, we were sure. We wanted her to be our daughter.

Our first care package

There were other families who also felt a connection with her and also wanted to pursue adoption, so we went through a process called committee. During this process, we filled out questionnaires about our family, our knowledge of her medical file and possible future concerns, and how we saw this little lady fitting into our family. We submitted the paperwork the week before Thanksgiving. We were told then that because of the holiday, committee likely would not take place until the first week of December. We nervously settled in for the long wait.

........and then there is the food

I got the call around noon, the day before Thanksgiving, that she was ours. Since hearing the news, Joe and I have been fingerprinted twice, filled out mountains of forms, taken class after class, and have been excitedly talking about Miss May non-stop. Our boys ask about her every day. In fact, Nolan has already started to blame her for the naughty things that he does.

We have only been a part of the adoption family for a couple of months, and we have meet some amazing people and created friendships that seem to have been bonded for years. We are thrilled to have a little girl to join in our adventures, we are excited beyond belief to bring the Korean culture into our home and make it a part of our family, and we can not wait for the day we get to snuggle our beautiful little Maylee Grace.

Anxiously awaiting sister